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  • GardensTale

    The struck-through Happy Metal Guy is the best part of this

    • Dagoth_RAC

      He’s busy reviewing a new, unsigned project by former members of White Wizzard.

      • Yep, it’s called “In a Remote Swamp in a Body Bag.”

        • Monsterth Goatom

          Anything you say can, and will, be used against you in a court of law.

          • Double Metal Jeopardy.

          • Eli Valcik

            Wait, does that mean you’ve killed someone else?

  • rumour_control

    Nary a smidge of horse shite on the boot in this bunch. Hats off (to Roy Rogers).

  • Brutalist_Receptacle

    THIS BAND: I LIKE THIS BAND. THEIR COVER ART: I LIKE THEIR COVER ART.

    • Dethjesta

      No need to shout.

      • Brutalist_Receptacle

        HA HA. YOU HEAR HYPERTEXT.

        • madhare

          Perhaps one should see a doctor about… both conditions? Capslockicism and hypertext-hearing.

          • Dr. A.N. Grier

            I’d avoid the three on staff…

          • Dr. Wvrm

            Nonsense. I’m not a real doctor, but I am a real worm. Office hours are between 8-4, I’ll leave the front unlocked because I can’t hear the doorbell.

          • Dr. A.N. Grier

            Are you hard of smelling, too? Because your office is on fire…

          • Dr. Wvrm

            The Coal Chamber has limited my olfactory recognition to sulphur and bacon.

          • [not a Dr]

            Even if the doorbell is embedded in well formed xhtml?

  • Dr. Wvrm

    Next time, we should do a grindcore album, with each reviewer handling a track.

    • GardensTale

      Normal review length: 600-750 words. Rodeo length: 60 words including usernames.

    • And the review should be no more than one complete sentence.

  • AlphaBetaFoxface

    wtf how am i meant to know whether or not i should form an opinion on this if there are 4.0 and 2.0 ratings on the same page do you honestly think id read all this crap you guys expect too much of me #occupyAMG

    • Re-leave the hall.

      • AlphaBetaFoxface

        I think you guys need to invest in proper security. I don’t think a camel in a tuxedo suffices.

        • He’s union so he ain’t going nowhere.

    • Slacker.

    • Huck N’ Roll

      Think of it like figure skating. Take out the top and bottom reviews. Then you only have to read fifteen. Anyone can read fifteen.

    • Diego Molero

      There are 17 reviews, if you add all of the scores and divide, you have a solid 3.029411765

      • AlphaBetaFoxface

        I actually did this but felt bad about posting a comment showing that the results of 17 opinions equates to a 3. You are blunt, Mr Moleman. A man of integrity.

    • #ratingsdontmatter

  • Joe1909

    Not on this list check out somewhere between

    • List isn’t a list. It’s a review of one band.

      • Joe1909

        Ok Not reviewed check out somewhere between

  • Monsterth Goatom

    Nice to see the return of this feature, and in a slightly different form. Some good stuff here. Currently, I’m Blinded by the [Northern] Lights!

  • Should have been AMG riding a unicorn surely?

  • Zach Ward

    Does Amg actually review anything anymore? Or is he reserves for Opeth and end of year lists only????

    • He isn’t available to do much these days but he tries to contribute when he can.

      • Zach Ward

        Ahh, I understand. It’s all good considering the amazingness that has been founded here. Cool beans.

        • Thanks for your readership and support! AMG is working on a review so he’ll be heard from soonish.

          • Ta2dlam

            September? No, AMG wouldn’t stick his head out until the crisp darkness of October at the earliest.

          • [not a Dr]

            Yes. The April ROTM.

          • Ta2dlam

            That may still arrive in October.

  • Eli Valcik

    Reminds me of Collider, check out their ep from like five years ago for some real heavy doom.

  • Jrod1983

    Not a big fan of this type of doom, but I really dig this feature and am looking forward to more in the future.
    Keep it up guys!

  • Wyeth Holman

    Great idea for a feature but why review one album 17 times? You could have EASILY found 17 different unsigned bands to highlight. 3 reviews in and I’m more interested in finding out if all 17 name-drop Neurosis than actually checking the music out.

    • We did it this way so all the AMG writers could work on one project for a change, which we all enjoyed. In the future we will likely break the group into smaller teams to cover more artists.

      • Drew Music

        That’s right, you bastards! You be sorry for trying to give us something cool and unique, and commit to mediocrity in the future!

  • Nag Dammit

    Makes me want to listen to Kyuss.

  • Nahuel Benvenuto

    is Ayreon review coming?

  • Thatguy

    This is fun, and I’d like to read more reviews like this. Just goes to show though that we all like what we like.

    • Phantom667

      Yep, I second this. You guys should do this more often! Then again you seem so highly disorganized, I dont think it will work out well for the album of the month schedule.
      Black Tundra is okay in my book. Nothing really out of the ordinary though (and I say this, when I am neck deep in this whole Post Metal thing).

  • Carlos Marrickvillian

    Giddy up! I for one applaud the return of this feature, though I’m not sure about AMG riding AMG… I may need to scour my eyes…

  • Innit Bartender

    Where’s Diabolus?

    • herrschobel

      reading the complete works of Schopenhauer in german gothic script…

      • Innit Bartender

        Still better than Helvetica, I guess….

    • Ferrous Beuller

      It’s a tall order corralling all of us for one entry and he’s a busy dude.

      • Innit Bartender

        I thought so. Just wanted the guy to know he has his own fans! eh eh eh…

  • herrschobel

    Gaaaaareat entry….need some more time to fully appreciate this an ready every single reviewers contribution. good idea anyway…as a mayor Isis and Neurosis fanboy i have to say this is top notch for a young band like this … 3.5. from what i heard…

  • Drew Music

    This was cool, but I kind of expected more dissent amongst the ranks. Give us a Jorn Rodeo, I wanna see blood!

  • Oberon

    Interestingly enough, the composite review score is 3.18, if my beer googled math is kosher. Reading the mini reviews from each individual gives a broader perspective, it’s a shame you won’t Weekend at Bernies’ HMG

  • David Henretta

    You couldn’t have picked a better band to start with in my opinion, although, I would rate it a solid 5.0 but hey I’m a big fan…also it’s amazing to me this band isn’t signed but I highly doubt a band this talented will remain that way for to much longer…I lost my dad on April 6th and I discovered this band on April 8th and it has actually helped me with the grieving process and has been the perfect soundtrack to my life the past few weeks and will continue onward, so thanks to them…another good unsigned (I think) newish (started in 2016, again, I think) Polish/German band to review here is Spaceslug…a bit similar in tone and has the $toner rock/Prog vibe going for it…

  • Paul VH

    Yep, these guys definitely have the Cult of Luna sound down pat.
    Problem with a lot of post metal is it starts to all sound the same after a while.
    It was good to see Col add some dynamics to Vertikal and Mariner (mellower songs, female accompaniment, electronics etc) to help reset the listeners brain for when the riffs come rolling back in.
    Black Tundra would do well to do the same on their next one.
    It’s not a bad album but I’ve already heard it from CoL.