We don’t get a ton of hate mail. Because we have a good system for commenting, most of the venting, whining, and misdirected anger at childhood traumas and inability to perform in bed gets left in our comment boxes where we can respond to the person directly or where others can respond (with public shaming). But every once in a while we get hate mail, and I thought I’d post this one because the pussy who sent it to me decided to air his poor taste only privately and anonymously. Well, we here at Angry Metal Guy brook no such behavior. If you’re going to be a moron, you get to do it in public.

Name: Your True Father [Note fake name – AMG]
Email: [email protected] [Note, no way to respond – AMG]
Website: http://www.angrymetalguy.com [Note lack of website – AMG]
Comment: AMG,

I know you have the best of intentions and probably think that you know A LOT about music.
But I have to know, what makes you an expert on the matter?
Are you even a musician?
I can’t help but think, “this guy really has NO credentials,” while reading your reviews.
Are you some failed musician turned critic?
A band like Epica deserves at least 4.0/5 rating!
You could never accomplish what they have been able to do in 10 short years. Artistically or commercially.
All of your reviews are so subjective and littered with insight on your own lack of experience in creating commercial art … and understanding of the world around you.

Anyways, I know you are probably not a bad guy … just clueless.

All the best,
D [Note size of testicles – AMG]

Time: Wednesday July 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm
IP Address: 71.174.149.244 [Note IP addressAMG]
Contact Form URL: http://www.angrymetalguy.com/about/
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

So, the best part of this is how he asks me about 10 questions and then doesn’t give me any way to respond to his accusations. But I want you to just take a second to think about what he’s saying. Well, the standard “Your reviews are subjective” bullshit and the “monetary success or popularity equals talent” fallacy notwithstanding he’s saying: “You don’t like Epica. You, therefore, are uncredentialed.” Aside from the laughable aspect of this (the fact that Epica isn’t great and regardless of how “competent” they are as group of musicians their music has just gotten worse and worse with their traipsing into lyrics that make Steve Harris look like a Nobel laureate in poetry and that this is why I am stupid), I just want you all to take a look at what a big, tough man this guy is. How smart, impressive, knowledgable and worthwhile he is. It takes big, tough übermenschen to write these kinds of letters.

I stand in awe of being called clueless by an Epica fan because I gave their record a 3.5 instead of a 4.

An anonymous Epica fan at that.

Pathetic.

Oh, and I take that score back. That record hasn’t aged well.

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  • What an Epica troll!

    • YOU SO PUNNY!

      • itsmydamnation

        please actually go back to drop the score :) …. then link to this page. what do you think is fair -0.5 -1.0 -1.5!?!?!?!!

  • The lowering of score retroactively is the best part.

  • InfinitelyRestless

    Pfft, what a load of horse shit.  You guys have turned me onto a lot of fantastic bands and records for a long time now, and have this wonderful tendency to call bullshit when bullshit is bullshit!
    Stay classy AMG ;)

  • carlosgpz

    Who cares about your hate mail… You are getting soft ;).

    And about the Epica review, you are certainly clueless. I like some of Epica’s music, but Design Your Universe is a 2.0 in a good day. A boring record.

    Keep the good work :)

    Carlos

  • Disinformasiya

    Amen AMG. The basic misunderstanding of what a review actually is to a lot of people is astounding, and as you point out, it basically boils down to “you don’t like my favourite band, so I’m going to tell you you’re wrong”.

    “Are you a musician?” Does that matter? Do you have to be a chef to know that ramen isn’t exactly gourmet cuisine, despite how well it sells? “Your reviews are so subjective” – well no fucking shit, Einstein; what is this, science class? Art isn’t exactly quantifiable.

    Rightly shamed.

  • Because if you have to defend any band, there should be more needed ones out there than fucking Epica, right?

    Speaking about your comment system, you should upgrade to the latest version, there’s a setting in the admin panel that does it for you. There are some nifty new settings in there. Edit: I just realized that you did, I will shut up now :-P

  • Yep, typical Epica fan.

  • glezzery

    Your picks of the month stink. Just about every one of those albums are boring and none are on my best of 2012, by a long shot. Asphyx!? That simplistic bullshit? Sigh!? Vintersorg!? Naaah. Anathema is good but not metal. Get with the program. You don’t have to buy 1000 cds a year to get a better cross section of metal than this stuff.

    • Such alpha presence, that commanding attitude. I’m sure you must be drowning in a sea of vaginas in love with your immaculate taste in metal. You sad and lonely Internet warrior you.

    • Stasia98

      AMG picks for records of the month havent been to my liking much either lately and sometimes seem a little curious, but at least its his honest taste and opinion. Same cannot be said for various other review sites which can sometimes feel a bit cookie cutter or predictable.
      AMG … you must now review epicas latest album if only to anger him more.

      • thehuntress144

         I’m actually curious as to their opinion of the new Epica record, however, now it might not be such a good idea since the bias against the group (fueled by fanboy nerd rage abuse) could unfairly skew the rating.

      • Mike_Callavaro

         I generally agree with most of the reviews of the albums ive listened to, but you have a good point when saying the picks of the month are unusual.

        Maybe they are chosen to try to expose people to abit more unconventional type of records?

    • thehuntress144

       Spoken like a true 12yr old.

    • The records of the month are chosen from the reviews that get the highest rating in the month. Also, “none are on my best of 2012 by a long shot.” Do I care? Nope, not at all. These are among my best of the year. 

      • glezzery

         I thought that is what you wanted!? You were looking for input or trolling. Well, if these are your best metal albums of the month, guess what? No they aren’t even close and there is no reason to read your blog. I mean, if it is going to Angry Metal Guy, at least pick some ANGRY METAL, guy! Fucking Vintersorg>?~Moonsorrow…Lacrimsoma Bellicosa whatever…

        • Stasia98

          Your articulate and thoughtful presence here glezzery will be sorely missed.

        • That Vintersorg record isn’t as good as the Moonsorrow record or The 11th Hour, but does every Record o’ the Month need to be better than the last one? ‘Cause Moonsorrow isn’t better than Orphaned Land, despite being the Record o’ the Year. 

      • glezzery

         Don’t anyone DARE say i have a point that the monthly picks are strange. NO they are not. I am just a troll.  Angry Metal Guy’s taste is awesome. His picks are just sooo. metal!!!!
        (bookmark delete) Goodbye. Keep it angry!

        • Hey man, I don’t always agree with the Albums o’ the Month either. Nothing wrong with that. We don’t have a problem with disagreement or criticism, we just think the anonymous thing is cowardly and cheesy.

        • I don’t think they’re that strange. I went digging and really, given what we reviewed (a requirement for being the Record o’ the Month) and what has been released, I don’t think that the Records o’ the Month are that weird. 

          You are not expected to agree.

  • Justin Collins

    EPICA FAIL!

    I’ll show myself out.

  • An epica fail of epcia proportions..what an epica fall from grace, I do agree on the record not aging to well..

  • hubcapiv

    Criticizing a review for being “subjective” shows a lack of understanding of the concept of a review, or of subjectivity, or both.

    Maybe you should start doing purely objective reviews.  “This comes on a CD.  Here is the cover art.  I listened to it seven times.  It has 11 tracks.  Track 1 is 3:52.  Track 2 is 5:11…”

    JUST THE FACTS.

    Until that glorious day when we’re all uploaded into the Borg and all culture is a series of ones and zeros, all reviews will be subjective.  Criticizing a review for subjectivity is like criticizing a website for being on the Internet.

  • Stasia98

    Not really hate mail … its condescending mail.
    But the whole anonymous thing is complete weaselish lack of balls … Agreed.

  • Note to self: Never piss off Angry Metal Guy…

  • Hate mail won’t get you more angry!
    This guy is a coward with a bad taste.

    About the record o the month: I really dig DSO, Sigh and Anathema. Some others are not really my taste, though I find the choice understandable.When I look at my cd-collection, I can see it is highly Angry Metal Guy inspired. While this isn’t wrong, I sometimes desperately try to find good cds not reviewed here to not feel like a brainless AMG follower. This can be hard.

  • Although here and there I get a little upset seeing that one album I like a lot being torn to pieces review-wise (like the latest StS > still makes me sad..), I think ALL reviews here are written superbly and are at the very least quite enjoyable to read. And most importantly: this is the one and only metal-review site I know that doesn’t auto-label a new major release with at least 85 out of 100 points… That annoys the hell out of me!

    Anyways, keep up the good work guys. Although I’m mostly an anonymous reader I felt like responding this time.

    /Oh and just for the record: I think the new Epica is terrible.

  • That isnt really hatemail. I dunno I was expecting bomb threats or something.

    Being objective is possible in music.  For example “this music is complex” or “this music is not very complex”. It doesnt state anything about what you think but it gives a general idea about how it sounds.
    Some people dont like snow. I like how the sun reflects in the snow and finds it aesthetically appealing. But it get how people could find it wet,cold and uncomfortable. I dont mind. But I see how others could mind. 

  • Just dont be Blargh YHIS MUZK IS AWSUM or BLARGH THIS MUSIC SUCKS. 

    Even someone who disagrees with you should be able to see where you are coming from. 

  • Ximen Nao

    This “are you a musician” thing is just too old.
    Like, only musicians are allowed (by whom?) to buy and enjoy music?
    And when you’re a musician, what does it mean? That you can play C straight or that you’re Geddy Lee? And then, even the worst fusion bass player eats Geddy Lee for breakfast… I’ve seen all the wars about “being a musician” and am sick of it. 

  • You bashed the new Nile album, therefore you have NO credentials AMG ;)

  • Mark Nagy

    AMG, I’ve known you were a clueless jackass ever since you said that Timo Kotipelto had a terrible voice, but you’re still enjoyable to read. I also wish there was a better way to signify sarcasm, because the winky smile looks awful, but I actually do enjoy TK’s voice.

    • Still sounds like a mouse caught between a door and a frame to me.

  • reviewers cannot be objective, so what we as review-readers can hope for is really only to find a reviewer who generally likes and dislikes the same things you do. Also, as someone who does like Epica but understands why other people might not, this guy gives the rest of us a bad name.

    • True. Also, I love that Finland from Scandinavia and the World is your icon. Well-played.