GardensTale

Will be destroying crappy nu-metal and praising crappy prog until the sky dies.
The Neptune Power Federation – Goodnight My Children Review

The Neptune Power Federation – Goodnight My Children Review

“I have a soft spot for these Australian weirdos. Memoirs of a Rat Queen bowled me over back in 2019 and I still spin “Rat Queen” and “I’ll Make a Man Out of You” regularly. Follow-up Le Demon De L’amour didn’t quite tickle my fancy the same way, though, with an overall less impactful and memorable tracklist that contained only one real banger. It seems love songs didn’t capture the off-kilter theatrical vibe where The Neptune Power Federation is strongest. The concept for Goodnight My Children is fairytales and bedtime stories, which can really go either way. Underwhelming sweetness or a wonky wonderland, what does the Imperial Priestess Screaming Loz Sutch have in store for us this year?” Tell us a story. Will ya? Will ya?

Northern Genocide – The Point of No Return Review

Northern Genocide – The Point of No Return Review

“Just like a sommelier can (allegedly) sense and describe the minutest differences between wines that may seem identical to the less learned, so can the seasoned metalhead identify regional differences and genre influences that laypersons may question with the tried and true adage: “It’s all just noise, isn’t it?” Melodic death metal has many offshoots and flavors, but the Finnish variety tends to be instantly recognizable anyway, often thanks to a melodic core that draws from neoclassical- and power metal. Northern Genocide wears this hat with pride but then proceeds to layer a bunch of other hats on top until defenestrated by the owner of the hatshop.” Hats and mass murder.

Bokassa – All Out of Dreams Review

Bokassa – All Out of Dreams Review

“On the surface, the perceived lethargy of stoner metal doesn’t seem like a natural match for the reckless energy of punk. But the two genres have been roommates since college and still bunk together regularly. The soundtracks of Jackass and Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater mixed them up freely, and bands like Clutch and Fu Manchu have plenty of popularity on both sides of the fence. When I saw Rise Against in March of 2011, they brought Coliseum, who fused stoner, hardcore, and punk into one. So I wasn’t particularly surprised at Bokassa’s self-appointed genre of stoner punk. I was more surprised, and apprehensive, at Lars Ulrich of all people giving them the seal of approval.” Big friends, dumb punks, and stones.

Darkest Hour – Perpetual | Terminal Review

Darkest Hour – Perpetual | Terminal Review

“How deep is your backlog of albums you intend to give a full spin sometime, but you never get round to it? I couldn’t even begin to tally mine. One of the albums that has languished in this limbo is Godless Prophets & the Migrant Flora, the previous release from melodeath veterans Darkest Hour. I remember liking the slice I tried, but with so much to listen to and so little time I failed to give it my full attention. Grymm sure loved it, though, and in his absence, I was more than happy to step up and finally give the band the attention they deserved from me.” In the darkest hour, we cried more, more, MOAR!

meth. – Shame Review

meth. – Shame Review

“A fundamental part of being human is our never-ending growth and education. When last I reviewed meth. I was bowled over by the barbed dissonance and big noisy riffs. Mother of Red Light was a filthy brick of misanthropic noisecore that got me on challenging textures and sheer violent rage moreso than on the particulars of their songwriting. Since then, I have grown and I have learned. I cut my disso-teeth on Teeth and survived a full spin of Pyrrhon somehow. I come back to meth. a stronger, wiser frog. But the five fellows from Chicago must have grown, too, and I imagine the last 4 years must have done little to dull the edge of their vitriol. Does it still show in the music?” Same drug, increased purity.

Secret Rule – Uninverse Review

Secret Rule – Uninverse Review

“Well folks, it’s been a good run. This is without a doubt the longest I have gone without landing myself an awful corset-core album. I cherry-picked from the promo bin a little more, I got lucky with a few random rolls. But the dice always turn against you sometime, as any D&D player will attest. I knew I was in trouble when I saw the genre and the worst band name since Significant Point. Then I saw the cover and my fears were confirmed because LOOK AT IT! Gaze upon this absolute debacle and weep for laughter.” Fear and secret rulers.

Madder Mortem – Old Eyes, New Heart Review

Madder Mortem – Old Eyes, New Heart Review

“Angry Metal Guy might be the only place on the internet where Madder Mortem won’t need an introduction for a significant amount of its readers. The Norwegian band first made waves here with Red in Tooth and Claw, and those waves got much bigger with Marrow earning a well-deserved 4.5 and topping several lists. It’s also the only band with a movie review on the site. When there is no news on the band I still can’t stop name-dropping them, even when it’s not relevant to the music I’m reviewing. So when I contacted the band to send them the movie review and they told me they were in the middle of recording a new album, my inner hype machine went into overdrive.” Heart of a fanboy.

Inver – On This Earth Review

Inver – On This Earth Review

Inver is another unknown and unsigned yet unusual gothic metal band. Inver has no releases, no demos, and barely an online presence to speak of. I can’t even confirm the country of origin with certainty, though British or Irish seem the most likely petri dishes.” Unidentified sadbois.

Genus Ordinis Dei – The Beginning Review

Genus Ordinis Dei – The Beginning Review

“One can’t credibly accuse Genus Ordinis Dei of a lack of ambition. Predecessor Glare of Deliverance used bombastic symphonic death metal to weave a tale of religious prosecution and witchcraft. The entire storyline was accompanied by a series of self-produced music videos. A big project, but the album itself was undercut by bloat and failed to impress me as much as 2017’s Great Olden Dynasty had done. Now, as the year draws to a close, the Biblical story-weavers bring us The Beginning, another religion-themed concept album accompanied by videos, but with only 4 videos and a pared-down running time, I felt hopeful the Italians would not be making the same mistake twice.” Big religion.