Blind Seer - Apocalypse 2.0Just like some albums are growers, you occasionally encounter one that takes time to reveal itself as garbage. It may seem like a potentially good time, but repeat listens magnify all the flaws to the point you can no longer fathom what attracted you in the first place. Not so with Apocalypse 2.0, an ostensibly progressive metal album by Blind Seer. I knew for a fact this was garbage after exactly nine seconds. Nothing good could follow the attempted falsetto there. It sounds like your drunk uncle decided the family party karaoke was the perfect moment to relive his hair metal days, stripped off his pink Ralph Lauren polo shirt, and screamed his worst Geoff Tate imitation into the microphone. Hold on to your testicles, because it doesn’t get better from here on out.

Before I continue about the music though, I have to say a few words about that album cover. It looks like the unholy union of ancient animated show ReBoot, a jar of turquoise ink, and an early ’70s idea of the word “futuristic.” I don’t know whether to give a lifelong Photoshop ban to whoever created this abomination or to thank them because their work likely prevented many from making the mistake of purchasing this thing, this steaming dump, this absolute negative space of instrumental, vocal and songwriting talent.

It’s hard to pick out separate songs or moments as exemplary awful; there is just too much to complain about. The songs have all the flow of LA rush hour traffic. The guitars can’t decide whether to be simply dull, to screech like an electric goblin in a tin can or to simply hide inside the stripped shell of a microwave. The rhythm section mostly leans back and lets the guitars and vocals do all the embarrassment for them. I strongly suspect the real vocalist was ill, and so the band hired a hobo and gave him 20 minutes of practice before shoving him into the studio. His pronunciation is cotton-ball-in-throat-awful, his nasal and inebriated timbre is worse, and when he attempts to go beyond his pay grade, he screeches out in a baffling falsetto which could be harnessed to give Simon Cowell an aneurysm. He’s lucky to be on key even 10 percent of the time, luckier still that it’s hard to tell whether he or his band members are off-tempo constantly, as no element in the music seems to properly mesh with one another. I’ve heard several moments where the band seems confused as to what rhythm they’re supposed to be playing.

Blind Seer 2017

There’s more fun to be had. Someone in the band got his hands on a synthesizer, unfortunately, and spends the full running time injecting electronics where they don’t belong in a manner that should never be practiced, including vocoding the dismal voice at unexpected moments. The production is a mess as well. The mix is confused, to say the least, and it’s utterly schizophrenic as to what to put the focus on, oscillating between the vocals and the guitars, and losing track of the bass regularly. Near the end, as if to add a deathblow to the back of your battered skull, “My Mind Can’t Feel” introduces an attempt at industrial and rap into the mix. I’d call it the frontrunner for the Most Misguided Decision o’ the Year, but it’s still competing with the opening falsetto, the synthesizer injections, and the release of Apocalypse 2.0, so Blind Seer already filled the stage on that competition.

Is there nothing positive at all? Well, in the hands of a better band, “Sanctuary” could have been killer, with an uncharacteristically great chorus Iron Savior might have rocked. It might’ve been enough for a half-point score… But Blind Seer decided otherwise. They could not have desecrated the late Sir David Bowie worse than they have with the traumatic atrocity that is their cover of “Starman,” even by digging up the Duke’s corpse and shoving a cactus in his backside. Everything they did to ruin their own music is turned up to 11, and hearing it applied to one of the greatest artists in history makes me physically ill. To paraphrase Billy Madison: Blind Seer, what you’ve just recorded is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent album were you even close to anything that could be considered decent music. Everyone on this site is dumber for having listened to even a single song on it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

Rating: 0.0/5.0
DR: 6 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Massacre Records
Releases Worldwide: July 21st, 2017

  • Grymm

    That is the most brutal review I’ve read in a long time.

    Also, that album cover looks like an XBox 360 game gone horribly awry.

    • drug_genosh

      more like ps1

    • Innit Bartender

      To me looked like: “Hey, that girl from the ExMachina movie, she’s hot, can we have her on the cover?”

    • Hideous destructor

      Thank God this is shit. Can you imagine if it was really good and got record of the month and we were stuck with that ‘artwork’ for however long?

  • metalcasket

    “Everyone on this site is dumber for having listened to even a single song on it.”

    I feel dumber having made it 30 seconds into the embedded track. As much as I hate using the following statement…WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!

    • Eli Valcik

      True, but I’m just dumb in general.

      • metalcasket

        Perhaps this so-called ‘Apocalypse 2.0’ will have adverse effects on you, and you’ll end up smarter.

  • Oberon

    I want to introduce this to my wife, sans review, just to share the suffering….

    This is borderline mental manslaughter with a steaming pile of reject Troma material

  • One More Thing

    Fuuuuuuuck… This review is awesome. I’m curious, but I’m not going to ignore the “Beware of Electric Goblin” sign that you just posted.

  • ‘They could not have desecrated the late Sir David Bowie worse than they have with the traumatic atrocity that is their cover of “Starman,” even by digging up the Duke’s corpse and shoving a cactus in his backside.’

    Fucking-line-of-the-year. Beware Tetragrammacide! :V

    • Grymm

      Heh… and Tetragrammacide has an album coming out in November.

  • Antorus

    Damn. That was some heavy shit. And I am not talking about the music.

  • a glass o’ milk

    what… is this? is this even music? or a joke? and this for the duration of a full length?

  • Ferrous Beuller

    God, I used to love Reboot. Not this; this is fucked.

  • a glass o’ milk

    also there is just some amazing foreshadowing going on with bandname and album title.

  • Huck N’ Roll

    Maybe the cyborg on the cover is going to use her Dremel for band lobotomies.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      …or she already did.

  • Eli Valcik

    Wait, I missed the first apocalypse?

    • Monsterth Goatom

      Don’t worry. All the anal retentives made it right on time for the first apocalypse. The second one is for all the cool people like us.

      • Eli Valcik

        Wow! That’s the first time someone has called me cool.

  • Please, give Blind seer’s facebook page a like, their post are a lonely stuff ..

    • Shrümpelstiltskin

      Wow you weren’t kidding about that lonely Facebook page. For having so many fans, you’d think someone would like their posts. I guess that’s a testament to how poor the quality of their music is. I listened for a minute and had to stop because I could feel my IQ dropping.

      • Regrettably, 2k likes is not a massive crowd in these digital times where the supply is so much higher than the demand, but yeah, I believe this guys need to rethink their music career.

        • Shrümpelstiltskin

          You’re right. 2,000 people isn’t that much. That being said, you’d think that there would be at least like 10 people who would like each post. You’d expect the band members to have close friends or girlfriends or boyfriends or family members or distant cousins or anyone who would boost each post beyond like 3 likes, but nope. And not a comment to be found anywhere because if you don’t have anything nice to say, you probably shouldn’t say anything at all.

          • well, yeah, or they have an honest family or they are pretty lame promoting themselves, you choose :P

          • Shrümpelstiltskin

            “Mom, why can’t you just like or comment on any of my band’s posts?” “Well dear, you know we have a strict honesty policy in this family, so I’m just gonna come right out and say it: your music is fucking bullshit. You’re a talentless hack and I’m embarrassed to call you my son.”

          • [not a Dr]

            Isn’t that the stereotypical background for rock/metal musicians?

        • Mollusc

          I think you can purchase likes. Not sure how that works. Or am I talking out my a55?

    • Grymm

      And now I have Gary Jules’ cover of Tears for Fears’ “Mad World” looping in my head.

  • Wes Allen

    I think the photo is intended to depict two band members holding back their pugilistic frontman, but it really just looks as though they’re caressing each other.

  • NuddhistPunk

    I somehow made it through that entire song, and my life is worse for it. I kept hoping that awful falsetto would make an appearance and give me something to laugh at; however, there were no chucks to be had. Awful, awful band and music.

  • I tried to go back and watch Reboot a few years ago after rewatching Beast Wars, it’s even more dated than I thought it would be. However, I still think it was better than THIS atrocity.

  • This is the John Wick of musical reviews.

  • Mollusc

    There’s a guy who regularly does Space Oddity with all the wrong chords (not on purpose) at an open mic night near me – I feel your pain. At least these guys have had their music featured on an interwebz institution, which is an achievement. Maybe they’re doing it on purpose? How post- would that be?

  • Paul Stella II

    Whew, everything about this band/album is IMPRESSIVELY bad.

  • Grymm

    Also, way to rape the cool intro melody to Death’s “Crystal Mountain” at 3:21-3:25 of the embedded song.

    Evil Chuck is spinning in his grave.

    • You made it that far?!

      • Grymm

        I know, right?!

        • I don’t know if I should applaud you, or call someone to check up on you. Both maybe.

          • [not a Dr]

            Call someone else to applaud him. A trained professional. Don’t get anywhere near that.

    • Jeff Manteiga

      Wow, it’s literally note for note…no shame in their game I guess!

      • Grymm

        Note-for-note, and sloppily played.

  • Nukenado

    I wasn’t prepared for those vocals and faux-electronica…
    I wasn’t.

    But the review was fucking awesome. Now someone hand GardensTale a crunkcore promo.

  • Serjien

    You guys should let GT pick first for next batch of reviews. I couldn’t endure the first 30 secs of this, never mind the whole album plus writing a review!

    • He keeps picking these kind of records. We don’t even need to haze him anymore. He self-hazes.

      • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

        He’s fallen into learned helplessness!

  • Jim Bob

    The worst part is that there is at least one person, somewhere in the world, who will listen to the embedded track and go, “Whoa, this is good.”

  • The Akerstache

    There are varying degrees of bad music. Some bad music contains minuscule traces of enjoyment, even if that enjoyment is expressed through laughter. A Hero for the World is undoubtedly one of the worst bands I’ve ever heard, but I laughed so much throughout “A Hero Returns” that I couldn’t help but enjoy myself, just based on the absurd amounts of stupidity.

    However this, this is a monstrosity. I can’t find a single thing worth laughing at or enjoying, I can’t even find joy in hating it. This is worthless. In the time taken to write this comment I’ve completely and totally forgotten anything about the embedded track, and I never, EVER, want to remember it.

    A zero is too good for this..

    • That’s a very good point. I actually went back multiple times after hearing “A Hero Returns” and listened to it just for some good fun. This, I will try my best to never, ever hear again.

    • Apple Tree

      And so was born AMG’s first ever -0.5…

  • HeavyMetalHamster

    Listen to embedded track or stab knives in ears?……mmmmmm
    *stab stab stab*

  • Kevin Zecchel

    I though “surely this can’t be THAT bad”
    Then I listened to the song. Oh. Oh dear.

  • Malhorne

    How does this review scales itself on the Kronos’ brutality law?

  • Ironwood_Druid

    My god….the carnage…my eyes….

  • SelfIndulgence

    Didn’t listen to the embedded track. After reading about the Starman cover I went and found it on youtube. mon Dieu…..the damage is done and I have lost 5 IQ points already.

  • IBlackened

    People say: “don’t judge a book by its cover”, but when I saw THAT, I knew this was coming.

  • Bryan Barkman

    I don’t understand how things like this happen, do some bands not listen to the songs they record?

  • Leonmed

    Embedded track got me laughing, so thanks for that.
    Intro is funny beyond belief. (First 20 secs)
    And then rest of the track hits you… Stuff of nightmares, hahaha

  • Nate Sweet

    So I only listened to the embedded track, and despite it being mind dullingly boring, it doesn’t sound ‘that’ terrible. Especially not as bad as the review suggests. So at least they have that going for them?

  • Thatguy

    Beat them puppies.

  • James Utvandraren

    “At no point in your rambling, incoherent album were you even close to anything that could be considered decent music. Everyone on this site is dumber for having listened to even a single song on it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.”

    THANK YOU for bringing back the anger and hate! Things were getting a little gay here for a while with reviewers handing out 3.5 scores like Oprah handing out Ferraris to homeless people. Best review in a long time!

    And, yeah… That sample song was fucking horrible.

  • A Feed From Cloud Mountain

    I knew they were in trouble from the cover art.

  • Tomb Rady

    My roommate walked into the living room while i was playing the embedded track. Shut it off faster than if my mom would have walked in on me watching hardcore porn in high school. Didn’t want to put the guy through this type of musical torture.

  • Dr. Wvrm

    /steampunk-meets-ICP band photo
    /potato tier album cover
    /what morons financed thi– oh, Massacre, well yea.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      I wonder how Massacre Records manage to remain in business.

      • Dr. Wvrm

        Dipshit reviewers keep them afloat by giving their shitty ass Easter Egg albums 3.5s, like they know a fuckin thing about metal.

      • Will Atheling

        Massacre Records is a pay to play joint. They remain in business because clowns like these give them money to have their CDs on the market.

        • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

          That explains it all.

  • Carlos Marrickvillian

    Not bad I like the Alice in Chain vibe.

  • It kind of gets better at 3:35 ish (for about ten seconds) but that embedded track was otherwise unrelentingly awful. How you survived an album of such material is beyond comprehension.

  • GWW

    This sounds like Dream Theater 30 years from now.

  • Drew Music

    I stuck through the embedded track looking for anything to contradict the mass nay-saying and possibly discover a second or two of worth to this material, and… that video is pretty sweet if you keep the volume off.

  • doom-erik

    Hmm. That embedded track was not as awful as I thought it would be after reading the review and comments. A few seconds here and there were actually listenable.

  • Kryopsis

    Normally, when I read a negative review on this website I always check the linked track, hoping to get some laughs. But not in this case. The review, album cover and band photo convinced me not to ruin this lovely Sunday by actually listening to the music. Some poisonous animals are brightly coloured as a warning to others. “Stay away”, the bright yellows imply. “You don’t want this”, the colours scream. Basically this album cover (and band photo) are the equivalent of the poison dart frog’s skin pattern.

  • Norpal Nordickson

    what the fuck is this

  • Frost15

    It sounds like the disabled brother of Megadeth, but I wouldn’t have given it such a low score, I’ve heard worse, really worse…

  • Matt Risnes

    How is this real? This is like the local band that would open up for Last Crack or Damn the Machine when they came through town and played at the one glam rock bar that booked such self inflated trash. That video is mesmerizing though.

  • basenjibrian

    So out of tune. So painfully out of tune. And I LIKE dissonance!

  • Dead1

    Anything that elicits such disgust and hatred is contender for album of the decade in my opinion.

  • brutal_sushi

    … and everyone was upset by the new Wintersun album!

  • Kevin Zecchel

    Well, I have now listened to the whole album. That was one of the worst things I’ve ever heard and I now no longer fear death. I’ve had a concussion and this album was worse than that.

  • aaron bergman

    Sounds like The Sims, Metal Expansion

  • ElectricEye

    You sure this isn’t a Geoff Tate project?

  • Dave Shellenberger

    Holy shit… Bless your soul for having to listen to this garbage.

  • TheCurlyMetalhead

    This is so bad it hurts. I wasn’t prepared for this. I thought I could handle this… I was mistaken

  • I just knew this was going to be very, very bad when I saw the cover and the band photo. If you have such horrendously bad taste when it comes to visual art, it is unlikely you are going to have good taste in the audio department.

    That is seriously one of the very worst band photos I’ve ever seen. Makes me WANT to hate the music.

  • therealtidus

    Why is Dave Mustaine “singing” on this?

  • Flyingguillotine

    It sounds like the dollar store version of Devin Townsend.

  • strychnin

    to be fair i saw many worse covers with not so bad content

  • MyMetalBrony

    The browser on my phone crashed when I tried to play that track.

    It was for the best.

  • Kenny Michaud

    I tried. I really, really tried to listen to the song linked at the bottom. I love listening to the bad examples of music. It puts a smile on my face for some inexplicable reason. But this was…just…*sigh*

    And, having chosen 3D modeling as my admittedly slowly-progressing career, it was equally hard for me to watch that music video. Shameless CG kerfuckery abounds. No points awarded, indeed!