Bonehunter is back and we all know what that means: perverted jokes aplenty. And the band ain’t helping. I mean, for god’s sake, look at that album cover. But, trust me, keep the perviness to a minimum. Too much will undoubtedly trigger the boom of the Banhammer—or worse. You may find yourself in HR’s dungeon here at AMG’s Southwest office. Which is no place for upstanding men and women like ourselves. That dungeon is a sweltering shithole. Not to mention all the dingy cubicles filled with poking, prodding ass–bags that find even the most immaculate word-smithing offensive. I mean, seriously, what is this world coming to when stellar combos like “anal nibbler,” “ass muncher,” “black fucking cancer,” and “rabbit-headed colon plunger” find themselves scoffed at? A bullshit world; that’s what. But, Bonehunter threw the first punch and the only way up is down. We might as well take it all out (and get it all out) because Bone(r)hunter‘s newest record flails and flops like a fully erect Grizzly dick. Submit to the Sexual Panic Human Machine.

If you’ve never heard of this fine, Finnish trio, let me see if I can’t describe them for you. They’re black, crust, punk, and thrash. They’re Bathory and Venom, they’re Aura Noir and Toxic Holocaust. They’re sex, they’re Satan, they’re downright nasty. And did I mention they’re fun? Though I didn’t give their 2015 debut, Evil Triumphs Again, a glowing review, it wasn’t a steaming pile of poop, it just didn’t deliver. Much of this was due to it sounding identical to its influences. This new record, instead, sees the band—sorta—coming into their own. We aren’t talking about life–changing shit, but Sexual Panic Human Machine is a more interesting release than its predecessor. Does this mean it’s the must-have black/thrash record of the year? Ummm…no. But, if you like your black/thrash rough, Sexual Panic Human Machine is a lay I bet you’ll enjoy.

After the unsettling repetition of “sexual assault” in the opening number (like a twisted introduction to a Pig Destroyer record), “Enter the Satan’s Dimension” lets its testicles fly free. This track has lots of old-school Bathory character and the rasping “Satan” lines rise above its black pool of bonafide hate. Follow-up track “Digital Evil” comes charging out of the gates with an aggression to match its predecessor. And, like the track before it, its chorus is left ringing in your head. Then the drums and guitars diverge to a Toxic Holocaust interlude before converging on layers–upon–layers of melody.

For more rocking, chorus-driven numbers, look to “Spectre of Sex Vengeance.” Though this one is about as straightforward as it gets, its dark, rowdy mood leaves a lasting impression. That guitar solo, in particular, is about as gripping as a Darkthrone solo can get. if you want more of the melodic flavorings of “Digital Evil,” go no further than “Electric Nightmare” and “Substance Creator.” Both songs also include funtastic rocking riffs, cruising guitar solos, and genuine nods to the filthier side of lawn-torching rock.

Unfortunately, tracks like “Doom Desire” and “Devil Science” don’t have much in the way of memorability. The former has some earth–rumbling bass leads. But, that’s about it. The title of “Devil Science” is an automatic winner in my book. It’s just not a winner of a song, as it tends to go nowhere. Then there’s the closer. While the growing builds at the end conclude the album nicely, most of its length lacks engagement. Unfortunately, for all its Darkthrone–ness, it fails to bring the album home. Maybe I’m expecting too much from the band, but the album has a decent flow to it and, with a few tweaks and a better finale, this could be one raunchy beast.

Regardless, Bonehunter‘s second record is an improvement over their debut. The only thing that wasn’t an improvement was the compression. How do you go from a DR10 to a DR5? Talk about your bone(r)head moves. But, if you couldn’t care less about that, or the band’s obsession with a style that has cum–and–gone, then all these words probably won’t get you caring anyway. But, fans of the style should enjoy these thirty–six minutes of sexy fun. Though you’ll find yourself diving back into your Bathory and Venom records when all the fun is over.

Rating: 2.5/5.0
DR: 5 | Format Reviewed: 128 kbps mp3
Label: Hells Headbangers Records
Websites: |
Releases Worldwide: August 4th, 2017

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  • JazzyHands

    And I though Werewolf had stellar cover art!

    • lennymccall

      Weregoat for the win tho.

  • Is it just me or does everyone hear the band name screamed to the sound of Krokus’ ” Headhunter”?

    • Drew Music

      Well, we do now.

      • wayne the devil

        Between the Krokus reference and the album art above, I have ‘long stick goes boom’ stuck in my head….

        • Winner winner, bear bone dinner.

          • Dagoth_RAC

            There is a shocking amount of familiarity here with a second tier pop metal band that has not been popular in 35+ years. This is why I love AMG. :-)

    • Dagoth_RAC

      “Screaming (Bonehunter) In the Night”

    • Brutalist_Receptacle

      “Tonight Long (Bone) Goes Boom”?

  • Wes Allen

    That album art is a thesis on bear anatomy.

  • wayne the devil

    Nice Phallus. To much Flomax for the werewolf maybe? Love the Band though…..

  • HeavyMetalHamster

    Weird…..that album cover reminds me of the dream I had last night……
    Any new Accept reviews in the works?

    • Come back in a few hours, or just visit the AMG gift shop and moonshine refinery.

  • Monsterth Goatom
    • Why is this happening?

      • Monsterth Goatom

        Jørn only knows.

    • Dr. A.N. Grier

      Looks like an interesting read. I’ll have to look for it at the local bookstore.

      • wayne the devil

        I am wondering what the Made Complex edition must have been like?

        • The Akerstache

          It’s a twenty-three part article on Cosmo that involves frozen eggs, a llama, and the testicle of a neutered pit-bull.

      • sir_c

        It’s from the same author has The human centipede

    • Mollusc

      I’ve never tried donkey.

    • h_f_m

      Stand clear of the closing doors, please.

    • sir_c

      Mind the gap

  • Saint Vile

    They should name themselves “Bonerhunter”.

  • wayne the devil

    That critter above is a bear??? I thought He was from the realm of the ‘bark’……tee-hee……..Peta complaints for Animal Identification Confusion can be forwarded on my behalf to AMG….

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    That might be a Sexual Panic Machine, but there’s no way it’s Human. Maybe half-human.

  • Nukenado

    “the band’s obsession with a style that has cum–and–gone”
    God damn it Grier!

    Meh. I’d go for Weregoat.

    • Dr. A.N. Grier

      I’m so proud of myself.

  • Mollusc

    Don’t spare the rod.

  • h_f_m

    Hangar 18 has changed since the 90s…

  • Tofu muncher

    Add one or two more words to the album title, and I’d say they stole it from Rob Zombie’s book of album titles reserved for the future albums