Angry Metal Guy

1349 // Demonoir
Rating: 4.0/5.0 – A good balance between dark and darker
Label: Indie Recordings
Websites: myspace.com/1349official | legion1349.com
Release Dates: EU: 26.04.2010 | US: 04.27.2010

I first became acquainted with 1349 at their landmark Hellfire album which marked them as leaders of the post-90′s Norwegian black metal scene. It seems with their subsequent release, Revelations of the Black Flame, they lost a lot of support from their “true” supporters for their favoring more ambient passages and relying more on atmospherics than blistering black metal. Luckily, 1349‘s latest offering attempts to strike a balance between the two extremes in the genre and Demonoir looks like a very solid album, treading the waters between dark ambient and black metal to great effect.

On Demonoir the much maligned ambient passages are back, punctuating the black metal songs throughout. However, after giving the record a number of listens, I feel both “halves” of the album should be examined separately, as different entities, and then evaluated as a whole. The “Tunnel of Set” ambient pieces are irregularly numbered, starting (in Roman Numerals) at eleven and working up to seventeen. It is only once these seven tracks are rearranged in order that they actually make sense – and when they do you are confronted with some of the nastiest, most evil-sounding dark ambient to grace a record in a long time. The “Tunnel of Set” as a single piece is almost nauseating; creating an eerie, guitar tinged atmosphere that literally makes your skin crawl. Listening to each piece reminded me a lot of the soundtracks to horror movies, and even more of the popular survival horror series, Silent Hill. Frequencies rise and sag; indescribable sounds creep through the static and noise and silence only accentuates feelings of dread! Something is very wrong in these ambient pieces and as a result they stick with you, crawling into the back of your mind, ready to be played during the most visceral of nightmares and cultivating impending doom between each song.

“Atomic Chapel” is the first track after a brief “Tunnel of Set” introduction. After some fast paced riffing to kick the song off, it settles into a rather pedestrian pace, favoring spoken oration over other forms of vocals. Ravn’s vocals are the usual throaty rasp, and the two vocal styles switch back and forth until we are greeted with what sounds like a madman bashing on a piano – albeit musically. The piano feels very out of place in the guitar-driven sound, but it ushers in an increase in pace that reaches back, very noticably, to Hellfire. This sound continues through “When I Was Flesh” and “Pandemonium War Bells”, though the latter feels horirbly stretched out, approaching boring.

“Psalm 7:77″ is where 1349 really show their colours. High-speed, thrash-inspired riffs coupled with hyper-aggressive drums create a maelstrom of really evil sounding metal. The guest solo from Norwegian guitar master, Ronnie leTekrö, creates a great atmosphere over the razor sharp riffing that compliments the thrash sound perfectly (sounding very Kirk Hammet-ish in places). My only gripe would be with the vocals, which have a rather annoying distortion filter over them. This distortion comes and goes between songs and I found it a serious downer to an otherwise excellent song.

The aforementioned piano returns on “The Devil of the Desert” and adds to the energetic atmosphere by sending it delightfully off-kilter while remaining majestic and Big! In the wake of Dimmu Borgir and company, piano in black metal feels horribly overdone, but 1349‘s use of the instrument, however brief, is refreshingly unorthodox and it contributes to the feeling of unease created by the ambient tracks. Finally, the title track—before a lengthy ambient outro—is quite slow by 1349‘s standard, using whispered vocals and ambient effects. It feels solid though and is a fitting end to the album.

Considering the band’s recent career, I would say that Demonoir is 1349‘s watershed album. They will possibly alienate a lot of fans due to the ambient passages, but could win more due to the balance of dark and darker music gracing the album. The presence of the “Tunnel of Set” on the album should not put more hardline fans off: there is nearly forty minutes of quality black metal on the album and I guarantee that it will not disappoint. Demonoir strikes a healthy balance between black metal atmospherics and the more aggressive, evil riffing that attracts fans to the genre in the first place. This is a solid release from a band that has not fallen into irrelevance in the wake of the Norwegian black metal scene of the 90′s and that clearly has a firm idea of where they are going!

Rhapsody of Fire // The Frozen Tears of Angels
Rating: 5.0/5.0 — The Rhapsody record you’ve been waiting for…
Label: Nuclear Blast (EU | US)
Websites: rhapsodyoffire.com | myspace.com/rhapsodyoffire
Release Dates: EU: 30.04.2010 | US: 06.29.2010

It seems forever since Italian power metallers, and just generally over-the-top crafters of Symphonic Hollywood Metal (or as I called it in one of my very earliest reviews “Sword Swinging Elf Metal”) produced an album. And really, in terms of the modern music industry it has been a very long time. Rhapsody of Fire‘s last album, Triumph or Agony, was released in 2006 to almost no fanfare. I didn’t see a single advertisement for the album, I never knew that it was being released and I had no idea that they had even been working on a new album at all. One day I just walked into my local record store and saw it on the shelf there. The total lack of build-up foreshadowed how I felt about the album, and frankly the record that had gone before it: it lacked what I was looking for in a Rhapsody of Fire album. The guitar orientation was gone, the songs were not as huge, the guitar not as bombastic and the feel was generally one that I just could never really get into. Both Symphony of Enchanted Lands pt. II and Triumph or Agony, while technically filling the standards set by the band, certainly didn’t live up to what I see as the band’s crowning jewel Power of the Dragonflame.

So, that should give the reader the standard by which I judge The Frozen Tears of Angels. How does it compare to Power of the Dragonflame? Well, I can proudly say that this is the record that I expected Symphony of Enchanted Lands pt. II to be. The music is huge, fustian and exaggerated, just like you expect, but it is also the most guitar oriented record that the band has ever produced. It is this element in front of all things, that will make the average Rhapsody of Fire fan jump for joy. Gone are the slower passages, gone are the questions of where the guitar solo is because Luca Turilli, as he stated in his interview with me, “rediscovered his first love,” and this record is littered with some amazing guitar solos. My personal favorite comes from the fairly simple, but fragile and beautiful passages in “Danza Di Fuoco E Ghiaccio” a song similar to “The Village of the Dwarves”. But every song has amazing solos, the amazing harmonies and intertwining neo-baroque melodies on “Crystal Moonlight”, the great Iron Maiden double lead from “On the Way to Ainor” and so on and so forth. This record is a triumph for every neo-classical guitar loving nerd out there. Not just because of the standard solos, but because Turilli’s creativity lies in how well he blends his virtuosity in with his overall compositions.

And the overall composition of this record is also a major triumph. The use of Christopher Lee and more photorealistic artwork and so forth was all in an attempt to be taken more seriously, and while I’m not sure that this is actually happening, the band has continued to impress with their understanding of the album as a series of symphonic movements. One of the things that makes The Frozen Tears of Angels great is that while the songs stand alone, the album is not an album that you want to break out for one track. Instead, the dynamics make you want to listen to the whole album straight through and just sit in awe of the breadth and depth of the music. And while the band has often lost me in the past on their more epic tracks, even the 11 minute title track was a gripping piece. The album follows an audio story arc, just like the previous albums, but being able to combine these feelings together and turn them into both convincing neo-classical music and awesome heavy metal has never been done better by the band (or any other band, for that matter).

This is getting long, but one more final point: I have focused heavily on the guitar-oriented nature of this album, but there are a few things that stand out. The band elected (probably for  budget reasons) to not go with a full orchestra this time. While Luca Turilli denies it, part of me wonders if that didn’t actually help the sound of this record because it was something that was completely manipulatable by the musicians in the studio. I would bet that there are things that you can write for a symphony that cannot be played convincingly by a symphony and sometimes I wonder if Rhapsody of Fire‘s style doesn’t overpower the musicians they’ve hired to play it. All of the orchestrations are perfect, and the band itself is tight as hell. This is one of the tightest rhythm sections out there, not to mention the vocals of Fabio Lione are accented perfection.

The Frozen Tears of Angels is the perfect Rhapsody of Fire comeback record. After four years of chaos, and the band’s still ongoing legal fight with Joey DeMaio (who signed the band and tried to steal their sound), Rhapsody of Fire is back with a power metal vengeance. They could not have chosen a better time or written better music for this imminent return. I hope this record helps push them back into the spotlight and that the next (at least) year of touring is good for the band, for all the individuals involved and is a kick in the teeth to everyone trying to hold down the most powerful force in power metal.

As posted on the official forum, here’s footage of Mr. V singing.  It’s short, but if you’re a fan, it sounds good.

Yup!! I’m stoked.

A short note from Vintersorg was posted on his official forum on the 13th of August, so three days ago.  In his very cunning Internet style, Mr. V let us all know that they’re doing some recording for the new record (I’m assuming it’s the demoing process though it’s possible they’re in the studio).

We’ve started to record some stuff for the new album.It sounds amazing….so far It’ll be folky but still some new elements are in there. Very flowing songs!!! We’re very excited!!! Just wait and see…

mr V

So there you have it, from the man himself.  I’m looking forward to this material, I gotta say.  More folky?  This could be very, very good.  He’s been so removed from the folk for so long, that I think it’s going to be a really good thing.

Riverside – Anno Domini High Definition
Rating: 4.5/5.0 – Excellent composition—stays with the listener for days
Label: Inside Out Music
Websites: myspace.com/riversidepl | riverside.art.pl

Riverside was a band that I approached with some caution.  I’ve often been unimpressed with progressive metal in the modern era.  Not just unimpressed, but often so much as incredibly annoyed with them.  Fortunately, it appears that progressive metal and rock have dodged the bullet when it comes to Poland’s Riverside.  In fact, I’d go so far as to say that these guys are bringing something new and cool to the table while being able to maintain a familiarity and compositional approach that does what good progressive rock has done since the 1970s—that is, they write good, interesting music, but manage to make it interesting, memorable and fun to listen to at the same time.

Of course, the name Anno Domini High Definition definitely wasn’t helpful when it came to me being worried about this album. I looked at it immediately and thought “well, that’s kind of a stupid name,” which was followed by “oh, it stands for ADHD, how trite.”  Not trite at all, actually.  The band has managed to produce what I think is a much of a mature, engaging and excellent progressive metal record with its roots in bands as  diverse as Porcupine Tree, Opeth, Dream Theater and Marillion.   Sure, these bands overlap in certain areas, but they are also varied enough that when you think about the combined, you definitely have to spend a couple of minutes pieceing together how that would sound.

But while one can compare Riverside to other bands (they also share a similar sound with another band from Poland called Votum, but they have a more modern sounding vocalist), they stand alone as well.  Every song on this record slowly shifts between different styles, overlapping industrial sounds with varied time-signature keyboards at one point, or even getting to blast beats in ADHD‘s final minutes.  Everything here, though, is pieced together in a very smart way and held together by the glue that is the vocalist.

The vocals on ADHD are definitely unique within the progressive scene, and it’s often times in the area of vocals that I have my biggest disagreements with the scene’s biggest bands (here’s looking at you Dream Theater).  Riverside has a distinctly modern rock vocal approach, which had kind of turned me off in the opening moments of the first track “Hyperactive.”  He sounds more like he should be singing in Nickelback or Puddle of Mudd than in a progressive metal band.  But what I saw as a downer at first, turned into a serious upside.  By distancing themselves from the traditional progressive metal vocal approach Riverside is able to create a modern sound for a music that doesn’t seem to want to leave the 80s behind.   Certainly these guys will not become a radioplay band, but I think that with a vocalist of this style the band will be able to attract individuals who wouldn’t normally listen to a progressive metal band.

I’ve had a lot of trouble finding downsides to this record, actually.  The musicianship is stellar, tight and oh-so-well put together.  The band is definitely on a musical roll, and even with the cheesy name the lyrics (from what I could tell) aren’t super cheesy.  Not only that, but the band is just heavy enough that they’re able to build good, heavy grooves that the fan of heavier music will definitely like, but they never break the extreme metal vocals barrier—so the old fans of progressive music will also be pleased.  This album is a total pleaser and for the fans of almost any kind of modern progressive music, this is definitely a record you’ll want to be buying.

Pain of Salvation – The Second Death of Pain of Salvation
Rating: 3.0/5.0 – Live records don’t get much better than just Good
Label: Inside Out Music
Band Websites: painofsalvation.com | myspace.com/painofsalvation

Pain of Salvation is definitely the modern darling of the progressive rock/metal scene for a reason.  Their intense musicianship, varied work and extraordinarily subtle but intense technicality has garnered them one of the most intense fan-bases out there.  Every guy I’ve ever met who was into these guys wasn’t just into them but he worshiped their every note, their every time change and eagerly awaited their every release like giddy little kids on Christmas.  So when I got my hands on The Second Death of Pain of Salvation I was expecting something totally mind-blowing–but instead, I got a live album.

Live albums are OK, but I think that in metal, particularly, a genre where bands often just play what they recorded live, instead of varying it up (see: Iron Maiden), they’re a little excessive and redundant.  This record isn’t really that much of an exception to that rule, but for a person who isn’t really familiar with the band yet, this is definitely a good primer for the future Pain of Salvation fan.

I was only familiar with a couple of these songs before I heard this, but I was pretty impressed with this as a live record in general.  The production is pretty good and these guys are able to re-create their highly-produced music in an effective and representative way live.  This means that it’s a good compilation of the styles and ideas that are available throughout their career.  And the music is pretty solid, honestly.  I think that from the standpoint of just progressive rock and metal these guys are one of the better bands that I’ve heard lately (though, they’ve been around a while).  The variation in song-writing and styles is pretty cool, going from very mellow, ballady sort of tracks to blues-rocky stuff and even to solid melodic metal.

The vocals are probably the strongest aspect of this entire record.  Despite there being too much wanna-be Faith No More Angel Dust going on (with this talky-rappy thing that Gildenlöw does that is a little bit annoying), his voice is strong, clear and defies a lot of the irritating standards of progressive vocalists (here’s lookin’ at YOU Dream Theater).  The tone and range are fantastic as well, and he varies vocal styles very well throughout the tracks.  The band is hyper-talented as well, and that comes through with the perfect performances on every track on this whole record from the excellent (Moth to the Flame) to the more embarrassing (Disco Queen).   And I was personally pleased with the Leonard Cohen cover as well.  That was a nice touch.

This record is pretty good for a live record and this band is obviously excellent.  It loses a couple points because it is a live album and I feel like most live albums are just a waste of time.  But as something you listen to a couple times to get a feel for who the band is, personality-wise, and to get a feel for their discography and their style this album is a success.

Recently, Paul DiAnno, currently touring the world on an album released 28 years ago, went on a rant about how Iron Maiden is nothing but a “money making machine.” He sounded angry, but jealous at the same time. Mr. DiAnno was responding to the question of someone asking him about drugs–he claims that there were no drug problems and that he left the band because Steve Harris is some kind of money-hungry psychotic Nazi-man who writes terrible, terrible music.  This is, as we all know, a little extreme but there’s something to this in the sense that it’s hard not to feel a little frustrated with a band that produces at least one product a year but only new material every third year these days.

Why do they do it?  Well, that I can tell you personally: it’s because suckers like me will buy it.  I happily jumped onto the Flight 666 bandwagon because that’s actually very cool. Non-embarrassing metal documentaries are actually pretty few and far-between and this one was given the extra cred of being filmed by the dude who did Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey, which I think was super cool.  So the Maiden guys were smart about this one, which is great.  But then what happened?  Of course, they released a live album with it.  Seriously, a live album.  So let’s actually look at what Maiden has released since the release of their last album.

2006: A Matter of Life and Death – Death on the Road DVD
2007: History Pt. 2 – Live After Death DVD
2008: Somewhere Back in Time
2009: Flight 666 DVD/Documentary – Flight 666 Soundtrack

OK, so let’s see here.. that’s ONE new record versus 3 compilation/live DVDs, two documentary DVDs and two live records.  If one goes back a little bit farther, that’s at least ONE live record for every CD release since Bruce came back and DVD after DVD.  It’s mind-blowing, too, how totally ridiculous these track listings are!  These guys are continually releasing the same record over and over and over again.

Somewhere Back in Time (2008):

1. Churchill’s Speech
2. Aces High
3. 2 Minutes To Midnight
4. The Trooper
5. Wasted Years
6. Children Of The Damned
7. The Number of The Beast
8. Run To The Hills
9. Phantom Of The Opera — Live
10. The Evil That Men Do
11. Wrathchild — Live
12. Can I Play With Madness
13. Powerslave
14. Hallowed Be Thy Name
15. Iron Maiden — Live

Flight 666 Official Soundtrack (2009):

(CD 1)

1. Churchill’s Speech
2. Aces High
3. 2 Minutes To Midnight
4. Revelations
5. The Trooper
6. Wasted Years
7. The Number Of The Beast
8. Can I Play With Madness
9. Rime Of The Ancient Mariner

(CD 2)

1. Powerslave
2. Heaven Can Wait
3. Run To The Hills
4. Fear Of The Dark
5. Iron Maiden
6. Moonchild
7. The Clairvoyant
8. Hallowed Be Thy Name

Yeah. Same fucking track listing.

I just counted and I own 13 versions of the song Run to the Hills.  Seriously, thirteen copies.  AND, if I were to buy the new CDs and DVDs that were coming out, I would in fact own 15 versions of it.  Why?  That’s a great question.  Apparently some of what Di’Anno says is true: these guys are just a money making machine.

This has been building up for me for a long time.  The first crack in this whole thing was these greatest hits tours after spending years bitching up a storm about being treated like  a hit jukebox, these guys are still doing greatest hits tours and releasing greatest hits anthologies every year.  Not only that, but they flat-out REFUSE to play deep-cuts.  Just flat-out refuse.  Why?  That’s a good question.  Apparently a song that not everyone in the crowd has heard a hundred thousand times or owns 15 versions of isn’t worth playing live.

It’s come to the point where I don’t buy Maiden merch (though I did break down and buy Flight 666) and I’m even selling some of my collectibles because I find the whole thing totally insulting.   Sure, I’ll buy their new albums because I think the band is great.  But until they start playing songs I’ve never seen before live, I won’t see them live.  Until they release CDs that contain songs I don’t own live versions of or something novel and interesting instead of a repackaging of the same live album they’ve been releasing since 1993 I just don’t spend money on this band.   It makes me sad, really.  How is it that a band of such high quality could be reduced to such meaningless commercialization?  I thought that spot had been reserved for Kiss.  I wonder how long it is until Steve Harris sells a gallstone on eBay.

Frankly, it just all feels so disrespectful towards the fans.  Metal dudes aren’t exactly the richest dudes in the world and this shit assumes that you’re going to drop 60 bucks a year on Maiden merch, not to mention all the other shit that they have for sale that’s hyper over-priced.  It gives off the impression that Harris and Smallwood really do see the Iron Maiden fan as nothing but a wallet with legs–which is both disgusting and sad.  Everything is “for the fans,” and blah blah blah, but I think that’s crap.  For these guys the fans took a backseat to the dollar, or I guess in their case the Almighty Pound a long, long time ago.  Maybe even in 1981 when Di’Anno bailed.

Crimfall – As the Path Unfolds…
Rating: 3.5/5.0 – Very good (Not groundbreaking, but seriously enjoyable)
Label: Napalm Records
Band Websites: crimfall.com | myspace.com/crimfall

“For fans of Turisas, Finntroll and Nightwish,” the advertisement read.  How could I possibly pass that up?  I’m definitely a fan of Turisas and Finntroll, though, Nightwish I can pretty much do without–sans diva or not.  But for me it was more a matter of how one could actually blend and compare these three bands into one cohesive whole.  “No,” I thought, “it’s really not possible to do in a convincing manner.”

Apparently, to my great dissatisfaction, I was wrong.

Crimfall was not convincing at first.  I listened to it up close and I laughed a lot, it felt like a charicature of all modern Finnish metal–extraordinarily produced with tons of big orchestrations, operatic vocals and chuggy guitars like Nightwish and Turisas mixed together with the folky feeling of Finntroll records, particularly in the vein of Nattfödd, with the misty feelings and interludes/segues from Visor om Slutet.  These things are blended together into powerful songs that burst out of your speakers like an angry Finnish viking¹, the strong, addictive melodies worming their way into your brain and setting root.

The song writing on this album is both interesting and fun.  The classic folk metal instrumentations are, of course, ubiquitous throughout every song.  The big orchestrations as well as the accordian, the mouth harp and other things of that nature punctuate the songs with their unique (but now familiar) sounds.  Helena Haaparanta, the female vocalist who does operatic vocals for the project is stellar.  Her voice ranges between (sorry) Tarja from Nightwish to a smoother, poppy vocal style which shows that she has some variability and, frankly, talent.  She even hits some very ethereal sounding vocals in the track “Hundred Shores Different,” and is all around impressive and talented.  In addition to that, the black metal vocals are also quite good–roughly peppering the tracks with their power and intertwining with the clean vocals in a fluid way (sort of like a modern incarnation of Theatre of Tragedy, but way more black metal).  Really, what the advertisement claims is true: if you’re a fan of any three of those aforementioned bands, particularly Nightwish or Turisas this record will probably totally float your boat.  It has all of the good things about Nightwish without the cheese or glam aspects, for example.  And it has the sheer, immense power that makes Turisas such a convincing and excellent band.

In the finest tradition of power metal, which is in essence “feel good” heavy metal these days, Crimfall have crafted a record that is a pleasure to listen to.  It doesn’t really offer anything particularly new and/or innovative, despite having a sound that is recognizable as their own.  But in spite of that fact, it continuously draws the listener back for one more listen over and over again.

Stratovarius – Polaris
Rating: 2.0/5.0 – Me boooored.. and aaaangry…
Label: Sanctuary
Websites: stratovarius.com | myspace.com/stratovarius | listen to the whole album @ iLike

Stratovarius are serious veterans of good ol’ fashioned Euro Power Metal and despite the never-ending rush of silliness that surrounded this band for roughly the last three years–they have still managed to put out an album of middling quality in time.  A record of middling quality, you say?  Why yes, says I.  All Stratovarius records are of middling quality, some are just more middling than others.  Some say that this band is the pinnacle of all Finnish power metal bands–but if one listens to Polaris they’d never know that.

For those who are not familiar with Euro Power, think “natural extension of 80s glam rock.”  Add double bass, irritating vocalists who wish, wish, WISH they were David Coverdale, mix in English as a Second Language lyrics and blend together a little bit of German 80s thrash (like Helloween), and ta-dah!  You’ve created an abomination!  Now that we have that out of the way I can proceed to the critiques.

First, let’s start with Timo Kotipelto–aside from being a midget, this man is actually “classically trained,” if you believe his bio (and trust me, I believe bios!).  Not only is he classically trained, but he famously put the band on hold at one point so he could go get more training.  What I’m confused about is who exactly trained him to sound like a mouse caught in a door?  This guy can’t sing, he sounds like ass.  So even when the band is doing awesome, interesting things, there’s this seriously annoying squeeking over every song which just destroys the moment. He has his moments, but aside from sounding like he’s going flat sometimes and having what I do consider to be some of the most annoying power metal vocal tone I’ve ever heard, he just doesn’t have the kind of command that one would expect from such a lauded vocalist.

But vocals aside, the music on Polaris is mediocre, lacking the kind of power one would expect it to have and is just generally boring.  I know that these guys had their sound stolen from them by Sonata Arctica and I’m aware that the mastermind behind the band also left in a huff after the silly drama that swirled around them for the last few years, but I don’t think that these things are excuses.  Koltipelto and Jens Johansson at least have consistently put out music in other venues, how is it that musicians of this professional calibre who have been at this for so long can’t write more than three or four moments throughout the whole record that jump out at you?   That is, in essence, the fundamental problem with this record.  It’s not bad.  The musicianship is good, the production is good, but the song-writing is lackluster, the feel isn’t there and just all in all I want to shut it off.

There are some higher points, to be Generous Metal Guy for the moment; for example, the opening to the track Emancipation Suite Pt. 1 is an absolutely killer groove that had me rockin’ out.  Earlier on in the album there were other sort of German Hockey Metal moments that I enjoyed–but for the most part the passionless music, silly lyrics and squeeking Finnish mouse made me decide that four listens was probably enough.  It really is beyond me that these guys ever became anything more than just a no-name power metal band that faded into the obscurity of the million bands that sound just like them.

You know what’s a stupid metal trend?  The 3.5 minute interlude with stupid soundscapes–these days, the trend is actually always involving the forging of iron or the angryness of trolls somewhere.  I don’t know where this started, so I’m going to blame Ulver.  Yeah, sure, Bergtatt was a great record.  It was really interesting and it had lots of cool stuff going on.  The stupid soundscape interlude, however, wasn’t.  Nope, just some guy running on crushed boxes (OK, maybe it was supposed to sound like snow, but it was definitely crushed boxes).  Vintersorg used it with great stupidity to interrupt one of his songs on Ödemarkens Son with the trickling of water because nothing screams metal like.. TRICKLING FOREST STREAM!!  (RAAAH!) It was used by Agalloch, but that was pretty much just them copying Ulver (actually, wasn’t The Mantel just them copying Ulver? Huh.  How ’bout that shit?).  In any case, in those cases it wasn’t super bad.  Just one or two places.. one could easily get through them without problem.  Just skip it, no biggy.  Right?

Well, the idiocy hit its zenith with Finntroll‘s very “interesting,” but immensely annoying, use of 4 minute interlude tracks  which were apparently of people eating beans around a fire on Visor om Slutet.  What. The. Fuck?  Seriously, what an incredible waste of fucking space, plastic and time.  It is obvious that the band had only 25 minutes worth of acoustic material to record, but instead of just putting out a cute little EP where Finntroll goes “folk” or whatever, they decided to make it.. I dunno… Annoying?  Yeah, pretty much.  Or stupid.  The annoyance that I had with this record, was fortunately tracked–that is, I can skip the crap.  On the other hand Ásmegin did them one worse and putting a fucking crying baby throughout the whole second half of their otherwise AMAZING album Hin Vordende Sod & Sø.  How irritating is that?  Totally irritating.  I mean, I know you guys are trying to be original and interesting.. but stop.  Please, stop.  It hurts my brain.

I’ve been listening to Crimfall‘s newest record, and it’s good.  But seriously, I’ve heard so much of this stuff before and it just makes me want to scream.  Since when did it become necessary and/or OK to put these stupid interlude tracks in everywhere?  Yeah, the album intro with the over the top orchestra or some stupid gore movie quote is now apparently obligatory.. I guess it’s not going anywhere, so I’ll have to live with it.  But can we stop with the “gazing into the past” sounds created in the studio in order to give your record some sort of stupid feel that doesn’t go at all with your over-produced orchestrations?  My god!  Just fucking stop it.  Not only that, if you’re going to include this stupidity for no apparent reason at all, then FOR THE LOVE OF THE METAL GODS: TRACK IT!  Make it different tracks so that I can skip your efforts to take yourself seriously as artists.  Stop it.  Stop. Stop. STOP!

I urge Steven Colbert to put these people on notice.  And I openly condemn this stupid metal trend.  Soundscape interludes: go fuck yourself!