Angry Metal Guy

In This Moment // A Star-Crossed Wasteland
Rating: 1.0/5.0 — Every time you play this record a Metal God dies…
Label: Century Media
Websites: myspace.com/inthismoment
Release Dates: EU: 12.07.2010 | US: 07.13.2010

So I admit, I’ve never heard SoCal pop rockers In This Moment before. This review will be completely devoid of comparisons to their last two records. Nor will it be filled with witty insights into how the band has changed over their time and whether or not this is a darker record (of course, every new record is the darkest, heaviest, etc., that any band has ever done, so trust the bio about as far as you can throw Arnold Schwarzneger). No, this is going to pretty much be a tirade about how much I really don’t like this album at all or the style of music or basically anything about this at all except for Maria’s clean singing voice, which is very good. You are warned. Don’t throw a fit in the comments because I hate your favorite band: I’ve already warned you. If you read past the jump then it’s your own fucking fault. Continue reading

H.E.A.T. // Freedom Rock
Rating: 0.5/5.0 — Cynical bullshit
Label: Playground Music
Websites: heatsweden.com | myspace.com/heatsweden
Release Dates: Northern Europe: Out | Rest of Europe: 28.05.2010

It is more and more apparent to me every day that heavy metal is going into a hibernation stage. As an Angry Metal Guy I try to keep my ear to the ground for movement in a forward direction, particularly from younger people. Instead, there’s nothing but a rash of neo-heavy metal and thrash bands that flood the market as apparently 18 year olds all feel like the really missed out on thrash and are out of ideas. But what’s worse than kids writing thrash metal records that could’ve been written in 1982? Kids writing butt rock albums that should’ve been written in the dying throws of 1980s cock rock in about 1991. That’s right, H.E.A.T., from the same town as venerable rockers Europe have decided to run with 1980s action movie theme as the basis for their sound.

So, you know how this sounds. In case you don’t, it’s like Winger or Warrant or any other one of those generic, unremarkable 1980s butt rock bands that everyone was so happy to do away with in the early 1990s. But there’s a twist. Oh yes, a twist. (Actually there’s more than one.) Firstly, this is an intentionally radio friendly pop band that is having their sound driven by the pop music industry in Sweden towards short, catchy and, finally, TV friendly songs that are cynically aimed directly at the panties of middle aged women who were super sexy in 1986 and miss all the hairspray, stiletto heels and tight skirts (or just never stopped..). Secondly, these guys aren’t even remotely on the cutting edge of anything. They are pure nostalgia for the sake of nostalgia and I’m not actually sure how they sleep at night, because they must have no dignity.

But let me go on a little tangent before continuing this review. Let us remember that when Europe released their excellent first two albums (Europe, and The Wings of Tomorrow a record that I still regularly listen to) they were doing something new. Sure, they were trying pretty hard to be Thin Lizzy and they were cheesy as hell. But they were on the cutting edge of rock  (not as cutting as Bathory but, really, aside from that). They were part of a generation of young dudes who were breaking against the old traditions of masculinity by taking long hair, mullets and tights to extremes. They were writing Malmsteenesque guitar solos that still rule and they didn’t have producers standing at their backs (neither were they thanking slave drivers in their booklet). They were an independent group that got signed and wrote some great fucking music before finally selling their souls to the devil.

H.E.A.T. is the exact opposite of Europe. They are the exact opposite of forward thinking. They are the exact opposite of rock music rebellion of danger, of toughness and of anything except for pre-packaged commercial crap. They are nothing more than a repackaging of another schlager hit (complete with obligatory key changes in the final chorus). While they, surprisingly, do write their own music and are actually apparently fairly gifted musicians (there’s the occasional guitar solo that is really well done—like the one from the utterly cheesy “Danger Road”), the utter cynicism of this music turns my stomach.

Then again, I’m not the target audience by any stretch of the imagination. I feel like I’ve actually maybe been a little hard on the neo-thrash bands. Because thrash, while it maybe got a tad commercial when Metallica and Megadeth were on top of the world in the early 90s, isn’t the kind of thing that they’re expecting to have huge commercial success with. Drinking beer, rocking a Flying V and wearing tight jeans is still fundamentally metal and cool. H.E.A.T. is fundamentally neither of those things and if you’re a real metal fan you will not like this unless, maybe, you have an ironic mullet. Then it’s up in the air.

Royal Jester // Night is Young
Rating: 1.5/5.0 – Surely you Jest
Label: Scarlet Records
Websites: myspace.com/royaljestermetal
Release Dates: EU: 12.04.2010 | US: ?

Hate is a very strong word and perhaps it gets thrown around too casually these days. After all, hate is a very ugly, negative emotion and even the angriest of metal guys should strive to avoid it. With that said, I hate Royal Jester’s debut album Night is Young. Maybe that sounds harsh but it’s the sad truth. It isn’t the musical style that brings me to hate it. Royal Jester plays Euro power metal and I really like Euro power metal when it’s done properly. I even like some of what might be called “happy power metal.” In fact, it seems I have become the resident power metal geek around these parts and that’s why this review ended up in my lap. However, after sustained, repeated listens to this album with an open mind, and giving this young band from Sweden every possible benefit of the doubt, there isn’t much good to say about Night is Young.

Royal Jester’s take on Euro power metal is painfully generic and unoriginal and it’s done in such a way that absolutely nothing about them stands out and grabs the listener. It seems as if these guys formed a band and ran down the Official Power Metal Checklist™ without any further thought. Fast guitars without edge or bite? Check. Rapid fire double bass runs? Check. Bouncy, happy sounding, utterly non-threatening music? Check, double check. Toss in an extremely nondescript singer and you have Royal Jester. In fact, everything about this band is derivative. From the Edguy themed album cover to the Edguy themed band name (I will refrain from bashing their completely awful name to avoid excessive crankiness).

Of the ten songs on Night is Young, none really stand out from one another. Each attempts to emulate the style of Freedom Call, Insania or Axenstar and all generally fail because this is just so damn plain and average. Of the lot, I suppose “Wings of Tomorrow” and “Born Again” qualify as best in show, but when things are this dismal, what difference does it make? Worst in show is clearly “If You Were Mine,” which is one of the most insipid, cringe worthy, and giggle inducing “metal” songs to come along in quite some time. This is the song you would NOT want to be playing when your other heavy metal buddies came over. Honestly, even your little sister would smack you around if she heard you listening to this pablum.

Basically, there isn’t a whole lot more to say about these guys and why prolong the pain? There is an old expression that applies here. “Success is easy, just be the first, best or different.” Royal Jester fails at all three. They are a clone made from another clone. Nothing here is new, interesting, exciting or even well done. It isn’t heavy and it sure isn’t powerful and only serves to exemplify why power metal has gotten a bad name among the metal intelligentsia. There are only two reasons I can see anyone buying this album: Either because they must have every new power metal album that comes out or they mistakenly thought it was Royal Hunt [or they're from the same town. Support local music! - AMG]. If you want to hear a quality power metal album, hunt down the new release from Sinbreed and see how this is supposed to be done. Stay far, far away from this flowery, candy- coated fiasco.

Rhapsody of Fire // The Frozen Tears of Angels
Rating: 5.0/5.0 — The Rhapsody record you’ve been waiting for…
Label: Nuclear Blast (EU | US)
Websites: rhapsodyoffire.com | myspace.com/rhapsodyoffire
Release Dates: EU: 30.04.2010 | US: 06.29.2010

It seems forever since Italian power metallers, and just generally over-the-top crafters of Symphonic Hollywood Metal (or as I called it in one of my very earliest reviews “Sword Swinging Elf Metal”) produced an album. And really, in terms of the modern music industry it has been a very long time. Rhapsody of Fire‘s last album, Triumph or Agony, was released in 2006 to almost no fanfare. I didn’t see a single advertisement for the album, I never knew that it was being released and I had no idea that they had even been working on a new album at all. One day I just walked into my local record store and saw it on the shelf there. The total lack of build-up foreshadowed how I felt about the album, and frankly the record that had gone before it: it lacked what I was looking for in a Rhapsody of Fire album. The guitar orientation was gone, the songs were not as huge, the guitar not as bombastic and the feel was generally one that I just could never really get into. Both Symphony of Enchanted Lands pt. II and Triumph or Agony, while technically filling the standards set by the band, certainly didn’t live up to what I see as the band’s crowning jewel Power of the Dragonflame.

So, that should give the reader the standard by which I judge The Frozen Tears of Angels. How does it compare to Power of the Dragonflame? Well, I can proudly say that this is the record that I expected Symphony of Enchanted Lands pt. II to be. The music is huge, fustian and exaggerated, just like you expect, but it is also the most guitar oriented record that the band has ever produced. It is this element in front of all things, that will make the average Rhapsody of Fire fan jump for joy. Gone are the slower passages, gone are the questions of where the guitar solo is because Luca Turilli, as he stated in his interview with me, “rediscovered his first love,” and this record is littered with some amazing guitar solos. My personal favorite comes from the fairly simple, but fragile and beautiful passages in “Danza Di Fuoco E Ghiaccio” a song similar to “The Village of the Dwarves”. But every song has amazing solos, the amazing harmonies and intertwining neo-baroque melodies on “Crystal Moonlight”, the great Iron Maiden double lead from “On the Way to Ainor” and so on and so forth. This record is a triumph for every neo-classical guitar loving nerd out there. Not just because of the standard solos, but because Turilli’s creativity lies in how well he blends his virtuosity in with his overall compositions.

And the overall composition of this record is also a major triumph. The use of Christopher Lee and more photorealistic artwork and so forth was all in an attempt to be taken more seriously, and while I’m not sure that this is actually happening, the band has continued to impress with their understanding of the album as a series of symphonic movements. One of the things that makes The Frozen Tears of Angels great is that while the songs stand alone, the album is not an album that you want to break out for one track. Instead, the dynamics make you want to listen to the whole album straight through and just sit in awe of the breadth and depth of the music. And while the band has often lost me in the past on their more epic tracks, even the 11 minute title track was a gripping piece. The album follows an audio story arc, just like the previous albums, but being able to combine these feelings together and turn them into both convincing neo-classical music and awesome heavy metal has never been done better by the band (or any other band, for that matter).

This is getting long, but one more final point: I have focused heavily on the guitar-oriented nature of this album, but there are a few things that stand out. The band elected (probably for  budget reasons) to not go with a full orchestra this time. While Luca Turilli denies it, part of me wonders if that didn’t actually help the sound of this record because it was something that was completely manipulatable by the musicians in the studio. I would bet that there are things that you can write for a symphony that cannot be played convincingly by a symphony and sometimes I wonder if Rhapsody of Fire‘s style doesn’t overpower the musicians they’ve hired to play it. All of the orchestrations are perfect, and the band itself is tight as hell. This is one of the tightest rhythm sections out there, not to mention the vocals of Fabio Lione are accented perfection.

The Frozen Tears of Angels is the perfect Rhapsody of Fire comeback record. After four years of chaos, and the band’s still ongoing legal fight with Joey DeMaio (who signed the band and tried to steal their sound), Rhapsody of Fire is back with a power metal vengeance. They could not have chosen a better time or written better music for this imminent return. I hope this record helps push them back into the spotlight and that the next (at least) year of touring is good for the band, for all the individuals involved and is a kick in the teeth to everyone trying to hold down the most powerful force in power metal.

I don’t know if anyone else has been noticing this, but what the hell is with the whole rock/”metal” musicians (in reality, it’s pretty much just the cock rock and alternative scene guys) getting in on reality TV thing?  According to what I just read on Blabbermouth, fucking Mike Starr from Alice in Chains (he used to play bass) is getting in on Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew.  I don’t want to be a downer for these guys: but seriously, can’t you do yourself the favor of not embarrassing yourself in public and maybe dealing with your addiction problems in private, where they should be handled!?

There are a couple of reasons this bugs me.  First, I really just hate reality shows.  I think they are totally lowest common denominator bullshit and they should be pissed on by anyone with a brain.  But secondly, is the crave for fame and the spotlight so big for these D-List celebraties that they have to air their personal dirty laundry on TV in order to somehow feel important and worthwhile?  I know it’s a paying gig, but I suspect that kicking a drug addiction, like any kind of serious problem, is probably quite personal and not the kind of thing that’s going to go well in a public forum.  If someone is pushing a fucking camera in your face what are the chances that you’re actually going to say what you’re really thinking?

It’s weak, and it’s stupid.  But what else?  Didn’t we already have to put up with embarrassing pictures of metal musicians after Metallica‘s trainwreck Some Kind of Ridiculous Lamitude?  And now look at those guys!  Lars Ulrich wears silk scarves on TV shows and mislabels black metal as death metal.  (Of course, this entire clip is kinda painful in general.)

There are plenty of metal musicians who aren’t stupid addicts, there are plenty who deal with their alcoholism like professionals and there are plenty of metal musicians who don’t wear silk scarves!  Mike Starr, Steven Adler, the jackasses from Poison and Mötley Crüe are not representative of the scene in any way.  I guess on this same note, I should tell Dolving from The Haunted to shut the fuck up.  But I think he’s funny.  Plus, his silly Swedish ass isn’t on TV.