“Like good whiskey, good old school death metal ages well. Like poor whiskey, the new wave of old school death metal sometimes produces things that purport to be in similar quality to the well-aged stuff, but are just cheap swill in an old looking package. Nobody can try everything, and to attempt it would mean being drunk all the time and only listening to OSDM releases, many of which are probably lacking anyway.” We only keep swill and rotgut at the AMG offices.
“Feed the silage of Napalm Death, Rotten Sound and Cephalic Carnage (the grindier bits) to the cow of creativity, and Cattle Decapitation will likely have something to say about your heinous animal cruelty. But survive their wrath, and one to three days later this noble beast will reward your sadism by passing quite the musical meadow muffin.” Poo goes there?
“Electing to join the I Am the Wooden Object Club before The Table Himself even did, I Am the Trireme’s name can be described as “I am the Phoenician, ancient Greek, or Roman naval vessel with three rows of oars.” Luckily they didn’t pick that one, but in the spirit of needlessly long names, they’ve called their first full-length Gnosis: Never Follow the Light. We know right off the bat that these guys can produce pretentious sounding names for things, but that’s not what we’re here for; we’re here to see what they bring to the Hetfield musically.” We are also the table. And the oar bench.
“Sift through the empty beer bottles in the dustiest recesses of your mind and head back to 2011. On Top’s début Top Heavy hits the shelves and like its cheesy 80s era cover art, the contents reeked with the stench of immaturity. Three years on and Philideliphia’s On Top haven’t changed their leopard print cock-rocking undies!” Animal print undies are never a sign of maturity. Never.
