Goatpenis - Anesthetic Vapor 01It’s hard1 to take a group named Goatpenis seriously. At first glance, one assumes this is probably a garage band who heard of Goatwhore and Goat Semen, decided they had no fucks to give, and chose to just call themselves “Goatpenis” and be done with it. Yet in actuality this Brazilian trio formed before either of those acts, beginning in 1988 as Suppurated Fetus before adopting their current moniker in 1991. After discovering them one day in the furthest reaches of Spotify, I originally expected this blackened-death crew to sound like Bestial Warlust or Blasphemy — that is, a noisy hellscape good primarily for mindless aggression and getting coworkers to never ask for a car ride again. And though 2004 debut Inhumanization somewhat fit this mold by essentially sounding like Revenge with more tremolos, further exploration of Goatpenis’s discography revealed a band that was notably riffier and more immense than expected.

Enter Anesthetic Vapor. On their sixth full-length and first with new drummer Gilson Lange, Goatpenis have crafted what’s likely the most accessible “war metal” album I’ve ever heard. In fact, this puppy is downright melodic: most of the riffs consist of tuneful, windswept tremolos that sound more like Amon Amarth’s debut than anything Anal Vomit ever produced. Like God Dethroned, this melody is then fired via belt-fed weapon onto a battlefield of rattling blastbeats, marching buildups, and guttural rasps that sound like a drill sergeant from hell.

Intro “Tambours Géants” sets the stage with a beefy voice repeating the phrase “nuclear devastation” over radio chatter samples, before introducing a faint trumpet playing the National Anthem and a scream that sounds like a basement demon. It’s a hellishly effective mood setter for proper opener “Anesthetic Vapors,” which immediately breaks in with marching drumbeats and wailing tremolos that sound like air sirens played through a bass amp. After moving through more typical black metal progressions and a set of colossal chords, Goatpenis make their true strength clear: simply put, this band sounds absolutely fucking huge. The sense of magnitude conveyed by both the riffing and the scorching yet clear production is something I can only liken to Ulcerate despite how different the two groups are.

As Vapor continues, it’s clear guitarist ‘Virrugus Apocalli’ is the one who really deserves the kudos (and all the other snacks in the cupboard). As mentioned there’s plenty of delicious melodic tremolos: check the almost melancholic verse guitars of “Humanatomy Grinder Chatter Studies” or the glorious streaming conclusion of “Front Toward Enemy,” which again sound pulled straight from Amon Amarth’s Golden Hall. But Apocalli is far from a one-trick pony. The blistering and frantic chords of “Machiavelli Reputation – Chapter XVII” stand out by recalling the thrashy blackened death of Infernal War, while death metal rager “Krieg Und Frieden” pulls a trick from Behemoth’s Thelema.6 by barreling ahead on brutal low-register notes.

Goatpenis - Anesthetic Vapor 02I could go on about the memorable moments — the sliding bass notes of “Oppressive Feric Noise,” the victorious stomp of closer “Pleasant Atrocities March,” or the massive chug break of “Hallucinatory Sirens,” which evokes the explosive force of sadly defunct Italian black-death act Blasphemophagher. Unfortunately, Vapor isn’t a total win. Despite how strong the riffs of tracks like “Carnivorous Ability” are, the song’s three-minute runtime leaves it feeling sorely underdeveloped. Part of the problem is that several of these tracks lean a bit too heavily on their main riffs, refusing to develop or deviate far from their base ideas. It also doesn’t help that the riffing style begins to feel a bit one-dimensional by Vapor’s midpoint, though that’s certainly redeemed by a strong final third.

Yet ultimately these complaints feel like quibbles. In all Goatpenis have offered the type of blackened death album I wasn’t even sure existed: one that offers a huge sense of scope, devilishly melodic riffs, plenty of memorable moments, and all the apocalyptic aggression one expects from war metal. The 37-minute runtime doesn’t hurt, nor does the rhythmic diversity and violent fury of Lange’s drumming. Vapor sits alongside Necroblood and Weregoat as some of the best blackened-death of 2017, proving that a group can still sound battle-hardened while laying their foundation in sweet, sweet melody. At the end of the day, Goatpenis are simply a far better band than a band named Goatpenis has any right to be.2


Rating: 3.5/5.0
DR: 6 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Nuclear War Now! Productions
Website: facebook.com/goatpenisofficial
Releases Worldwide: October 15th, 2017

Show 2 footnotes

  1. Doooohhhhh! – Dr. GriBon-er
  2. And I made it through this entire review without making a single dick joke. Whew!
Share →
  • AlphaBetaFoxface

    I am quite excited to read the comments on this one. Tumescent, even.

  • Brutalist_Receptacle

    GOATPENIS: WORST. TACOS. EVER.

  • SantaChrist

    They’ve always been amazing although comparing them in any way to such a garbage band gaymon gaymarth is an absolute travesty.hopefully the promised goatpenis/blasphemy split lp happens soon.

    • Name’s Dalton

      I know, right?!? What a dick!

  • We should probably just save ourselves the scars and close the comments on this one.

    • AgonMcDuck

      C’mon, don’t be a cockblocker

    • You’ll never make it in animal husbandry with an attitude like that.

    • Nukenado

      YOU CAN KILL THE PENIS JOKES, BUT YOU CAN’T KILL THE GOATPENIS

  • Monsterth Goatom

    This release definitely finds them rising to the occasion.

  • Baaaaah touch!

  • Jim Bob

    hot

  • André Snyde Lopes

    What’s next? Goat Dick-cheese?

    • Zach Ward

      Goatgasm

  • wayne the devil

    A tour with Mr. Garrison’s Penis is in the works…stay tuned!

  • Choodi

    I was expecting a much stiffer score

    • Extra points for band name.

  • HeavyMetalHamster

    Heh….penis….hehe

  • Nukenado

    Mark, I don’t know what you were expecting.
    A Goatpenis can’t be anything but brutal and punishing.

    • Mollusc

      Unless it’s a pygmy goat.

      • Nukenado

        Less is more.

        • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

          How can less be more? That’s impossible!

          Hell, I love quoting Yngwie Malmsteen!

          • Nukenado

            I like wanking too.

  • Name’s Dalton

    Riffed – for her pleasure.

  • Sorry boss can’t hear ya! Got goatpenis blaring in my ears. You know how it is.

  • Does the guy in the middle have a ton of goat penises sticking out of his legs?

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    The band is called Goatpenis and they didn’t include neither a goat nor a penis in their logo? That’s just plain wrong. Also, no umlauts? No band should ever be named Goatpenis when it could be called Göatpenis.

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    Welcome to 2017 Goat Sex Metal Fest. Featuring Weregoat, Goatwhore, Goat Semen, Goatpenis and Belphegor.

    • [not a Dr]

      King Goat? Goatcraft?

      • Brutalist_Receptacle

        Goat Stoner/Sludge Metal Australia

        Goat Death/Black Metal Denmark

        Acid Goat Stoner/Doom Metal United Kingdom

        Armored Goat (a.k.a. Armoured Goat) Black/Thrash Metal Philippines

        Billy Goat Heavy/Power Metal Spain

        Black Goat Black Metal Russia

        Black Goat Black Metal (early), Blackened Thrash Metal (later) Spain

        Black Goat Black Metal United States

        Black Goat Black Metal United States

        Blasted Goat Sludge/Doom Metal United States

        Blood Goat Black Metal United States

        Dead Goat Black Metal Norway

        Dehydrated Goat Death Metal/Grindcore Latvia

        Demon Goat Black/Doom Metal United States

        Eternal Goat Black Metal Thailand

        Floating Goat Stoner Metal United States

        Funeral Goat Black Metal Netherlands

        Goat Altar Black/Death Metal Netherlands

        Goat Anus Black Metal Netherlands

        Goat Bleeder Death Metal with Grindcore influences United States

        Goat Bong Stoner Metal United States

        Goat Christ Black/Death Metal Greece

        Goat Command (a.k.a. G.C) Black/Thrash Metal Chile

        Goat Cult (a.k.a. Goatcult) Blackened Thrash/Death Metal Czech Republic

        Goat Destruktor Black/Thrash Metal Unknown

        Goat Eater Grindcore Serbia

        Goat Emperor Black Metal Brazil

        Goat Evil Raw Black Metal Bosnia and Herzegovina

        Goat Explosion Heavy/Doom/Stoner Metal Germany

        Goat Felch Black/Thrash/Doom Metal/Grindcore United States

        Goat Funeral (a.k.a. GoatFuneral) Black Metal Germany

        Goat Horn Heavy/Doom Metal Canada

        Goat Horns Black Metal United Kingdom

        Goat Inferno Raw Black Metal Germany

        Goat Invocation Black Metal Brazil

        Goat Messiah Black Metal Switzerland

        Goat Molestation Black Metal United States

        Goat Molestör Black/Death Metal United Kingdom

        Goat Monsoon Stoner Metal/Rock United Kingdom

        Goat Perversion Black Metal Brazil

        Goat Perversion Black/Death Metal Bulgaria

        Goat Perversion Black Metal Mexico

        Goat Perversör Black/Thrash Metal Belgium

        Goat Phallus Black/Death/Thrash Metal Greece

        Goat Possessor Black/Death Metal United States

        Goat Prayers Atmospheric Black Metal Brazil

        Goat Ritual Black Metal Bosnia and Herzegovina

        Goat River Stoner/Doom Metal France

        Goat Semen (a.k.a. Goatsemen) Death/Black Metal Peru

        Goat Serpent Death Metal Finland

        Goat Serpent Raw Black Metal Venezuela

        Goat Skull Black Metal Mexico

        Goat Slime Black Metal United States

        Goat Sperm Raw Black Metal Germany

        Goat Synagogue Black Metal Greece

        Goat Terrorism Black Metal Netherlands

        Goat Thron (a.k.a. Throne of Goat) Raw Black Metal (early), Dark Industrial Noise/Dark Ambient (later) Poland

        Goat Throttler Death Metal United Kingdom

        Goat Titan Doom/Sludge Metal United States

        Goat Torment Black Metal Belgium

        Goat Tunnel Doom Metal Finland

        Goat Tyrant Blackened Thrash/Death Metal Poland

        Goat Vengeance Black Metal Brazil

        Goat Vomit Death Metal/Grindcore/Crust Belgium

        Goat Vox Black Metal Italy

        Goat Vulva (a.k.a. Goatvulva) Black Metal Finland

        Goat War Black/Speed Metal United States

        Goat Warlord Death/Black Metal United States

        Goat Whisperer Black Metal United States

        Goat Wizard Doom/Stoner Metal United States

        Goat Worship Black Metal Brazil

        Goat Worship Black Metal Denmark

        Goat Wrath Black Metal Germany

        Hell Goat (a.k.a. Hellgoat) Southern Metal United States

        Infernal Goat Black Metal Italy

        Judas Goat Black ‘n’ Roll United States

        Kathedrall Goat Raw Black Metal/Ambient International

        King Goat Progressive Doom Metal United Kingdom

        Malignus Goat Raw Black Metal Brazil

        Maniac Goat Black Metal Brazil

        Master Goat Death Metal Brazil

        Mountain Goat Stoner/Sludge Metal United States

        Nuklear Goat Black Metal Portugal

        Old Goat Black Metal United States

        Putrid Goat Death/Doom Metal United States

        Sabbatic Goat Black/Death Metal New Zealand

        Sabbatical Goat Black/Thrash Metal (early), Death Metal (later) Netherlands

        Sabbatik Goat Black Metal Portugal

        Sacred Goat Death/Black Metal Colombia

        Sacro Goat Black Metal Brazil

        Shit Goat Progressive Thrash Metal United States

        Vomiting Goat Black/Thrash Metal Germany

        Von Goat Black Metal United States

        Arch Goat of Sodomy Death/Black Metal/Grindcore United States

        Black Anal Goat Vomit Raw Black Metal/Dark Ambient Australia

        Black Goat Attack Black Metal Denmark

        Black Goat Desecrator Death/Black Metal Chile

        Black Goat Vomit Black Metal Spain

        Black Magic Mountain Goat (a.k.a. BMMG, BMM Goat) Death/Thrash/Black Metal Sweden

        Emskirchen Goat Kvlt (a.k.a. Emskirchen Goat Kult) Black Metal Germany

        Goat of Mendes Heavy/Folk/Pagan Metal Germany

        Goat the Head Death Metal Norway

        Goat Vomit Noise Black Metal Italy

        Goat’s Ass Trumpet Doom/Death Metal Finland

        Goat-Tech Black Metal Brazil

        Göät Dëströyër 666 Black/Death/Doom Metal Australia

        Infernal Goat Vomit Raw Black Metal/Grindcore United States

        King Fire Goat Sludge Metal United States

        Kiss Thy Goat Black Metal Canada

        Mighty Goat Obscenity Black Metal Brazil

        Morbid Goat Fornicator Black/Death Metal Chile

        Necrolytic Goat Converter Depressive Black/Death Metal United States

        Necrosadistic Goat Torture (a.k.a. N.G.T.) Death/Black Metal United Kingdom

        Satan’s Goat Black/Thrash/Doom Metal United States

        Satanik Goat Ritual (a.k.a. Satanic Goat Ritual) Black/Death Metal United States

        Scape.Goat Thrash/Death Metal France

        Sign of the Goat (a.k.a. SOTG) Black Metal United States

        Super Heavy Goat Ass (a.k.a. SuperHeavyGoatAss) Stoner/Southern Metal United States

        The Austrasian Goat (a.k.a. TAG) Funeral Doom/Black Metal France

        The Black Goat Order (a.k.a. BGO) Black Metal Canada

        The Goat Radio Thrash Metal Finland

        Throwing the Goat Thrash Metal Australia

        Tijuana Goat Ride Sludge Metal United States

        Black Goat of the Woods Black Metal/Grindcore United States

        Scorched by the Flaming Goat Symphonic/Blackened Death Metal/Deathcore Chile

        BestialGoatKult666 Black Metal Brazil

        Progetto:ChaosGoat.666 (a.k.a. PCG666) Black Metal/Noise Italy

        The Great He-Goat (a.k.a. The Great HeGoat) Black Metal United States

        Ye Goat-Herd Gods (a.k.a. YGHG) Black Metal Canada

        Cokegoat (a.k.a. Coke Goat) Stoner/Doom Metal United States

        Goatcult (a.k.a. Goat Cult) Black Metal Brazil

        Goathanger (a.k.a. Goat Hanger) Groove Metal Australia

        Goatholocaust (a.k.a. Goat Holocaust) Black Metal Belgium

        Goatpenis (a.k.a. Goat Penis) Black/Death Metal Brazil

        Goatpuncher (a.k.a. Goat Puncher) Melodic Death Metal United Kingdom

        Goatsoldiers (a.k.a. Goat Soldiers) Black/Thrash Metal United States

        Goatthroat (a.k.a. Goat Throat) Black/Death Metal Germany

        Goatthrower (a.k.a. Goat Thrower) Thrash/Black Metal United States

        Goatvomit (a.k.a. Goat Vomit) Black Metal United States

        Goatwar (a.k.a. Goat War) Black Metal Canada

        Goatwhore (a.k.a. Goat Whore) Black/Death/Thrash Metal United States

        Lady Reaper (a.k.a. Goat Arse) Black Metal Slovakia

        Moorgate (a.k.a. More Goat) Death/Black Metal Sweden

        Nauseating Tepid Whiff (a.k.a. Black Goat) Black Metal France

        Nazgoat (a.k.a. Nazarene Goat) Black Metal Italy

        Nekrogoat (a.k.a. Nekro Goat) Black Metal United States

        Nocturnal Graves (a.k.a. Nocturnal Goat) Blackened Thrash Metal Australia

        Spacegoat (a.k.a. Space Goat) Psychedelic Heavy/Doom Metal Mexico

        Stenchgoat (a.k.a. Stench Goat) Brutal Death Metal El Salvador

        Swampgoat (a.k.a. Swamp Goat) Doom Metal United States

        Wolfen Reich (a.k.a. Goat Ritual) Black Metal United States

        GoateatGod (a.k.a. Goat Eat God) Black Metal Greece

        Irongoat (a.k.a. Iron Goat, Ianubis) Death/Thrash Metal Bolivia

        Milking the Goatmachine (a.k.a. Milking the Goat Machine) Death Metal/Grindcore Germany

        • Nukenado

          After seeing King Goat on here I’m afraid this list might consist of real bamds.

          • Brutalist_Receptacle

            BLACK ANAL GOAT VOMIT FTW

        • Thatguy

          You have too much time your hands.

      • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

        The goat is not enough, there must be sex involved.

        • Brutalist_Receptacle

          THATS WHAT YOUR WIFE SAID!

      • Here’s Johnny

        Archgoat

  • Eli Valcik

    -3.0 for horrible art

    • herrschobel

      yeah…that is the worst cover i have seen in a long time…just no

      • Eli Valcik

        is it weird I was expecting/hoping for some Archgoat esc album art fuckery(literally?)

    • IBlackened

      Mad Paint skills right there man.

    • ElectricEye

      Looks like a 6-year-old created a flux-capacitor in Minecraft

  • Matt slatz

    Maybe goatpenis will go out on the road with goatwhore for 9 months. Afterwhich they will create a supergroup called goat bastard son…..just a thought

    • ElectricEye

      Goathellspawn

    • Here’s Johnny

      Archgoat?

  • wayne the devil

    Ole Goatpenis, sitting on a bench, playing their Metal with a monkey wrench, missed their strings and hits their nuts and now they’re called The Goatkvnt Sluts….

  • Mollusc

    Penetrating.

  • The Unicorn
  • The Unicorn
  • AngryMetalBird

    Goatwhore and Weregoat are facing some stiff competition…

  • Ivan E. Rection

    I bet his outfit makes a lot of noise in the clothes dryer. Can’t do his laundry while Granny is napping.
    They should tour with Goblin Cock. (Real band, I would not kid about such a thing)

  • sir_c

    They should go on tour with the Cunt Maggots

  • lennymccall

    Stoked! I love Goat Semen and Weregoat. This should be right what I need right now.

  • Meriyas

    This goat approves of this band.

  • Angelus

    This band is hard to swallow. I mean, it is too stiffed while riffing and too bland when it comes the end of a song. Not my thing though. Although it is good with a bun and some mayo.

  • Dean Sternberg

    I remember a way-back gig where the sound guy played Goatpenis over the PA before we went on as a joke. He cleared more than half the room. We laughed ourselves to tears, as none of us had heard anything that bad. Early 90s I believe. This sounds like an entirely different band. Not going to Wikipedia these guys, but they either have a new lineup or learned to play…a little anyway.

  • ToddRob64

    I’m not sure Mr.Z but my ears hear a bugle playing the last post in the intro. it’s an ANZAC day remembrance thing played in Oz and New Zealand. Could be wrong but that’s what I hear

  • Shrümpelstiltskin

    “It’s so nice to meet you. So what do you do for a living?”
    “Well I’m a stay at home mom and my husband plays music in a touring rock band.”
    “Oh how cool. What’s the name of his band?”
    “Oh it’s umm…”
    “What is it?”
    “…Goatpenis.”
    O_O

    I hope this conversation happens often.

    • Nukenado

      What would Sammy Duet say?

  • Tofu muncher

    Their music sounds really good, no?

  • ElectricEye

    I am digging this. Though, proclaiming “I love Goatpenis!” on social media might get you connected with a different group of people than you intended.

  • yes funny name, but they come from the Satanic Skinhead corner. I’ll skip.