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AMG peered down from his mountain watching the Swedish snow flurries
But try as he might, he couldn’t silence his worries

But what had him so vexed? What could be the matter?
Why those Finns down in Finland were releasing triple platters!

AMG liked his records concise and he liked them rather short
He simply couldn’t abide with the 2 hour sort

“This could catch on. This could be a trend,” he mumbled
That would make metal all bloated and jumbled

I must find a way to stop it using whatever tool
So artists will obey my 45 Minute Rule

So AMG pondered on how to get his way
He thought and he thunk all through the day

Then an idea hit him, one that tingled his spinal
He would steal all the CDs and make them use vinyl!

Then albums would be short and without any filler
Leaving the final product that much more killer

So down from his mountain he crept and he crawled
to the warehouses where Compact Discs were mothballed

He took every one of those shiny plastic spheres
Then he smashed the digital recorders while guzzling craft beers

With bags full to busting he slunk away in the fog
laughing “Now they’ll be forced to use analog!”

To his fortress of snobbery he rode with CD cargo
And no one yet knew of his diabolic embargo

That night he gloated as CDs roasted in a pyre
Tomorrow they’d all realize with shock and great ire

That he’d changed the music industry and left artists all stunned
Now let’s see them swallow that sun!

HOW AMG STOLE CHRISTMAS

From all of us to all of you: have a merry merry Christmas!

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