Once upon a time, two orphaned brothers named Romulus and Remus relied on a rudimentary bird spotting contest to determine which of them would rule the fledgling Roman Empire. From such humble beginnings sprang one of the most powerful and enduring civilizations the world has ever known. While AMG and Steel Druhm aren’t related, nor do they advocate electorally significant bird watching, they have built a mighty metal presence on the interwebz and their wise words echo in eternity (and Spanish language copycat blogs).

As the site evolved from a one-man, to a two-man, to a 20-something men and one woman labor of love, readers had to adjust to new voices, diverse opinions, and occasional staff disappearances1. As we contemplated the windbag clown brigade of a staff we’ve assembled, we realized it was time to shine a bright light into the creepy crawlspaces of AMG Inc. and let you know who we are and what we’re all about. To this noble end, we’ve updated the information in the “About and Contact” tab above to include actual writer profiles for our ever-growing staff. Some you already know, some you’re just beginning to know, and some you wish you never knew.

Consider this our humble attempt to facilitate a deeper bond between we the writers and you the reader, and possibly assist in determining how your musical tastes align with ours. With that said, please don’t get all creepy about it. We aren’t dating, we buy restraining orders in bulk and we know important, powerful people.

Tootles,

The Management

Show 1 footnote

  1. It’s a completely non-suspicious sabbatical.

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  • Zach Ward

    This article was a load of nonsense…
    More Please!!

  • hallowed

    Standing at the edge, allegiances now pledged… forever

    • Cool. Now go get us all triple lattes with extra foam!

  • GardensTale

    I think Eldritch Elitist was banished from R’lyeh for not knowing how to spell R’lyeh

    • Eldritch Elitist

      Someone should fix that. They’re mad enough at me as it is.

    • You wot m8?

      Wait, r’eally?

  • mindbleach

    Why isn’t Happy Metal Guy listed?

    • He’s on double secret sabbatical.

      • You wot m8?

        I’m just waiting for the day when I read some news post about how certain individuals *cough* have been arrested in connection to the murder of a man know on the internet as HMG. It’s gonna happen. fo realz

      • André Snyde Lopes

        You could have a eulogy section for all the former writers.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      He’s gone underground… In the figurative sense, of course, he’s not buried anywhere. Right?

    • De2013

      Because he’s enjoying tea with Jimmy Hoffa? We’ll probably never know.

  • Eli Valcik

    Why are there KKK gremlins on the thumbnail?

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      Those are wooKKKies.

      • Celaeno

        My first thought exactly

    • sir_c

      It’s the Oompa Loompas, 50 odd years after shooting the movie

  • André Snyde Lopes

    Kronos is on a sabbatical? This website was already unbr00tal enough.

    • Kronos

      Why do you think it’s been so lacking in brutality?

      • Drew Music

        Kronos, come back. Any kind of fool could see there was something in everything about you.

        • Kronos

          I’ll be back in July. Until then, stay brutal.

      • Monsterth Goatom

        Sabbatical, eh? Does this mean you won’t be around for a review of the new Pyrrhon?

        • Kronos

          Now why would I ever miss that?

  • André Snyde Lopes

    Treble Yell’s love of Toxik means he’s clearly he’s the best qualified of all the reviewers.

  • Sean Sky

    Why are Protest The Hero a guilty pleasure? Nothing guilty about that imo.

    • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

      I was going to ask almost the same question except for “no pleasure at all imo”
      :)

      • Dr. Wvrm

        False.

    • Dr. Wvrm

      True.

  • Ivan E. Rection

    I don’t need to deepen my bond with you. I’d run over a nun carrying kittens if it kept this site going. Please, continue ad infinitum.

    • Hold off on that for now.

    • GardensTale

      Please, no running over kittens. The nun is okay, but kittens may evoke a John Wick like response.

      • Grymm

        Yeah, LEAVE MY MINIONS ALONE!!!

  • Monsterth Goatom

    Granted, hedgehog videos are good, but they can’t hold a candle to the Walrus Cam.

  • Robert Cochran

    One of the AMG staff digs Coheed & Cambria!? Just when I think I can’t enjoy this site anymore you go and do something like this…. and totally redeem yourselves!

    Eldritch Elitist, I will have to start giving your reviews more weight.

    • Eldritch Elitist

      I actually saw them live for the fourth time this past Tuesday. Great band, live or otherwise!

      • Drew Music

        Dude, were you at the Boston show?

        • Eldritch Elitist

          I was at the Kansas City show, actually.

          • Drew Music

            Aaaaahhh, gotcha. I saw them the Tuesday before that in Boston, thought maybe we crossed paths without knowing.
            What a fuckin show though. GAIBSIV is my favorite Coheed album and they absolutely crushed every second of it live, I hope/assume it was the same for y’all.

          • Eldritch Elitist

            It’s my favorite too, and seeing it live was a great experience, but somehow I didn’t enjoy it as much as the IKSSE:3 show I saw a few years ago. Maybe I’ve just seen them too many times.

          • Drew Music

            The vibe of IKSSE is a lot more emotionally driven, so I could see that being the superior show. I’m just glad I finally saw them, this show was basically reparations for getting shafted out of seeing them 10 (ugh) years ago and it was well worth the wait.

          • Dr. Wvrm

            Are you Boston-based?

          • Drew Music

            Eh, relatively. Maine, so Boston’s the closest reference point that anyone ever knows, let alone tours at. I mean, there’s Portland I suppose (yes, we have one of those, too) but pretty much any shows worth watching are gonna find me on a Boston trip. Mass in general, really, as the Palladium in Worcester is another holy site made pilgrimage to whenever possible.

          • Dr. Wvrm

            I’m Boston-based, so I know your pain. We’re lucky if tours come past Worcester, it’s hit or miss.

  • eleven.eight

    Although I’m not the most active commenter here, AMG has become one my of favorite sites. I’m honestly grateful that AMG Inc. could provide us readers with a snapshot of the crew for our general knowledge.

    That said, after learning more about you lovely people, I can’t help but compare your colorful, at times disturbing write-ups to a kvlt sitcom.

    A sitcom with a scream-track instead of laughter and applause. And with copious amounts of booze, poetic misanthropy, references to the occult, unicorns, and video games.

    Directed by Jorn.

    • Sean Sky

      FUND IT

    • That’s a beautiful concept!

    • GardensTale

      Pitch that to Netflix!

      • VikingSchism

        I’d imagine the pitch as ‘like The Mighty Boosh, but more metal’

  • Planex

    I do want to thank all the authors here. I was lost for years trying to get updates on metal on awful websites like MetalSucks and Blabbermouth and terrible imageboards. Here it’s all about the music, plus one of the best comment sections I’ve ever seen on a website. Keep it goin’ everyone.

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    You forgot to add that opening paragraph from Vandroya’s review!!

    “Though widely regarded as some of the most pretentious and elitist assholes in the metal blogosphere, AMG contributors are, behind the scenes, a bunch of goddamn nerds who got lucky enough to find an audience by piggybacking off our founder’s hard work.”

    • Eldritch Elitist

      I vouched for its inclusion, but the overlords didn’t want to risk me growing drunk with power.

      • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

        You can always get drunk on hobo wine!

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra
    • sir_c

      revenge is a dish best served cold…. as a gazpacho.

  • R.Daneel Olivaw

    best site for metal music….EVER!!!

  • Mollusc

    I bloody loves this site, I do. Discovered some fantastic stuff, plus well-written articles and great comments. The Wife is especially pleased as she often gets to hear me read whole tracts out to her. I’m feeling all moist and weepy now (in a good way). Thanks guys x

    • Akerblogger

      Are you from South Wales, butt?

      • Mollusc

        Nah, Devon! … is that ok…? …have I just failed some kind of test?!

        • Akerblogger

          You pass! Your opening line sounded very much like the excitable speech of someone from the valleys. I wasn’t too far off.

          • Mollusc

            Haha, thanks! Nice detective work, the net is closing… But hopefully that buys me a little more time until people find out I know bollox all about metal…

        • El_Cuervo

          A great county.

  • Paul VH

    New Leprous out in August.
    Titled Malina.

  • Carlos Marrickvillian

    “Jim Bob the Enforcer”…. Lol

  • Serjien

    Nice to know that there is a soul behind every one of you crazy bastards!

    But most importantly, my sincere thanks for keeping me (and the readership of this blog) entertained and informed!

  • Juan Manuel Pinto Guerra

    I got a hunch Treble Yell is likely to become the Chief “Indefensible Positions” writer.

  • Westpaceagle

    I am obsessed with that photo. Whatever that is we need more of it everywhere.

  • A Feed From Cloud Mountain

    “Windbag Clown Brigade” definitely needs to be a band name.

  • Panagiotis Krokidas

    I don’t know what to say, but a big “thank you” for the existence of this site, for your efforts, your presence in my music life. You are a daily morning company as I sip my coffee and go through my morning habitary e-mail reading and stuff. Because of you I end up listening to tones of music. More than my brain can handle and process.

    I agree with Planex. This place is one of the few oasis for our music.

  • Piet

    Well I guess I have bad taste as I can totally relate with Dr Wyrm’s taste in music…

  • Norfair Legend

    Uh oh, I smell a Patreon coming.

    I kid.

    This is hands down the best metal site and really the only one I peruse with regularity. Somehow, everyone has a solid opinion that I agree with whether it’s in favor of an album I like or against and that’s pretty impressive. Cheers to you all as you make my days more enjoyable with well crafted articles and music I may have never heard.

  • Zadion

    “Guilty Pleasure: Enjoying of deep Jorn catalog”
    I fucking love you guys

  • sir_c

    *hurls in some random insult questioning the writers sexual identity*
    oh wait, this ain’t metalsucks?

  • Dudeguy Jones
  • Späm Bot

    Thank you. If you ever set up a Patreon, I for one would be supporting. I’ve found insane amounts of great music through this site. Keep those 3.5’s coming!