Project Theory - Something between UsGiven that I have a great relationship with my father, didn’t get bullied in high school, and don’t hate my hometown, my qualifications to review nu-metal are basically nil. Alas, I’ve made my superiors here rather upset in some way, shape, or form and have been duly saddled with a Greek nu-metal opus in the form of Project Theory’s Something between Us. While Sophocles’ Oedipus Rex taught us we shouldn’t taunt fate by trying to avoid it, let the following tragedy in one-act teach you not to taunt those in charge of dispersing music for review. Newbies, ignore my parable at your peril lest you think Jocasta’s fate was too mild.

Opining isn’t technically supposed to appear in the second paragraph, but after listening to Something between Us more than once I found myself on the brink of nihilism and decided that I may as well partake in this small insubordinate indulgence [This behavior is what got you the Nu blues to begin with.Steel Druhm]. This is the most needless combination of sounds put together in 2016, a mixture of Saliva’s boring tracks, Linkin Park and P.O.D. style poppy rap-rock with none of the catchy palatability, some Disturbed outtakes which would never have made the Disturbed outtakes record, hilariously obnoxious malarkey like Hot Action Cop,1 and what sounds like more 808 drops than Lil’ Jon & the East Side Boyz’s entire Kings of Crunk record.

My school teachers used to say that if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all. Unfortunately, AMG style guidelines do not let me hand in a blank page with a big, beautiful zero at the bottom, so here we are. The best thing I can say about any of the material here is that “Blasting the Sea” would make a good track to skip after a minute or so while playing Need for Speed: Underground in hopes of hearing “Get Low” again. The best aspect of this song is the lack of input from clean vocalist Isaak Evgenidis, who spends the rest of the record waging a pitiless war on the very concept of singing in tune so aggressive that it singlehandedly calls into question Greece’s commitment to the Kellogg-Briand Pact.

Project Theory 2016

As my word limit is less than that of a PhD dissertation I can only scratch the surface of the infuriating content here, beginning with the outright effrontery of “Guardian Angel.” The chorus tries to soar with its vocal melody, but like an old, fat ostrich, it’s flightless and unappealing. Trying to remember the verse enough to say something relevant about it is like nailing Jello to a tree without the added bonus of being mildly entertained by making Jello. There’s actually a song called “Feelings” on here, and it’s basically Saliva’s Every Six Seconds with zero hooks and a bunch of gratuitous bass drops, tailor-made for a bizarre niche market I’m not sure actually exists outside of whatever nightmarish alternate reality this could be considered acceptable music in. Now, I don’t harbour any particular loathing for Saliva; “Your Disease” was comparatively brilliant when I listened to it following Project Theory. “I’m Nothing” is that quintessential nu-metal track where the band tries to sound tough but show they have feelings too, but this particular incarnation sounds like a bunch of tuneless pansies with an unhinged hatred of all standards of goodness and decency in music. There’s even the slow “emotional” rapping, which sees Diogenis Evgenidis spitting stale, lukewarm air instead of fire, like he’s the least effective dragon ever. Not everybody can be RZA on Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers), but that doesn’t excuse taking four nighttime Tylenols a half hour before dropping a verse.

From a production standpoint, Project Theory’s project and theory are bad. The 808 drops are obnoxious, louder than everything, and completely clash with the sound of the more organic instruments. Every drop here sounds tacked on and obliterates whatever is happening in the background for a second and sounds hilarious next to the weak and ineffectual kick drum. The bass guitar shows a clear Korn influence in tone and performance but is slightly less annoying, while the guitar is set to the “Metal” setting on your first practice amp. In sum, everything is wrong here, and the only salient redeeming factor is that Something between Us eventually ends. Like building a Rube Goldberg machine to smash yourself in the balls with a sledgehammer every time you walk into your kitchen on a Tuesday, Something between Us is painful, useless, and a dreadful chore that can yield nothing but misery.


Rating: 0.0/5.0
DR: 4 | Format Reviewed: 320 kbps mp3
Label: Sliptrick Records
Websites: project-theory.net | facebook.com/projecttheory
Releases Worldwide: October 7th, 2016

Show 1 footnote

  1. If you recognize this name at all, it’s because you played Need for Speed: Hot Pursuit 2 at one point in your life and heard their two incredibly annoying Cali-style rap-rock tracks.
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  • Kronos

    I’m so incredibly entertained.

  • Reese Burns

    DiM has officially died for our sins.

  • El_Cuervo

    I like the positivity in the video’s comments. You should try some positivity. You sound sad and angry DiM :(

    • Morrowind542

      After listening to a whole albums worth of the embedded track, I’d be sad and angry, too

  • Diego Molero

    I can believe that this band needs six dudes to make this record.
    I hope you are alright after this Diabolus.

  • Bitter, angry and jaded is no way to go through life, son.

    • Oscar Albretsen

      Remember, this guy is a fan of Alestorm…

  • AlphaBetaFoxface
  • Dr. Wvrm

    0.0 is what my face looks like right now.

    • Nathan McCain

      The album is actually almost as funny as the review. Opening track at around 2:30 is HILARIOUS.

  • Diego Molero

    The embedded track almost sounds good if you don’t hit play.

    • AlphaBetaFoxface

      Hardly. Look at that font and try to imagine what the person who edited it into the video thumbnail listens to.

      • Dr. Wvrm

        The Mass Effect soundtrack?

        • Hey, that’s a good soundtrack dammit. :P

      • Grymm

        That font just SCREAMS “Hi, I like Amaranthe!”.

        • Diabolus_in_Muzaka

          That and cheesy sci-fi PC games from 2003.

          • You wot m8?

            Hey! Knights of the Old Republic and Freelancer both came out back in 2003. Don’t you be calling out 2003. That shit was great.

      • Diego Molero

        That’s why I said almost

    • Oscar Albretsen

      The whole song is entirely based around the guy just repeatedly tqpping one power chord. Possibly the most simplistic thing I’ve ever heard.

  • Grymm

    I made it through the first four songs before I had to pry myself away to do something more enjoyable… like listening to Tetragrammallamadingdong again.

  • Gaëtan Baratin

    I guess this review is here to compensate the overwhelming amount of 4.0 records we had recently.

  • André Snyde Lopes

    I think I’d rather sit through Tetragrammacide’s latest. Or maybe just pure white noise.

  • Huck N’ Roll

    We’re making up for all the 4.0 reviews lately!

    • Gaëtan Baratin

      Hey, I said it first!

  • Gaëtan Baratin

    If you listen to the embedded track, at the end we can hear the sound of an EKG going flat. I think it’s there to show the death of musicianship.

  • Martin Knap

    Why is it raining on the windscreen if the plane is flaying above the clouds?

    • Tofu muncher

      Because there’s a full eclipse.

  • Philip Pledger

    Even as someone who actually enjoys nu metal every now and then (super guilty pleasure), I STILL hate this flaming bag of feces. Good grief.

  • FutureBeyondSatan

    There is 3 minutes of my life I can never get back.
    Sounds like a bad application for a Lump Buzzcut opening act.

    • metalcasket

      Here I was thinking I deserve some kind of award for making it 2 minutes and 15 seconds in. You sir, are a god among men.

  • The Nerd.DMF GO JAYS

    “Like building a Rube Goldberg machine to smash yourself in the balls with a sledgehammer every time you walk into your kitchen on a Tuesday” Oh my god I’m typing this through tears I’m laughing so hard!

    I totally did not expect to wake up to AMG’s second 0.0

    • Line o’ the Year.

      • Hulksteraus

        Keep giving Diabolus Nu-Metal, he writes the best lines when reviewing Nu-Metal…

        (P.s Diabolus, sorry for the 9 circles ov Steely hell this may cause)

  • Oscar Albretsen

    Worse than “Chocalate Starfish” by Limp Bizkit? I always thought that was probably the worst nu metal album I’d ever heard. But, 0.5, obviously trying to listen to it was tortuous.

    • The Nerd.DMF GO JAYS

      The Undertaker used to come out to Rollin’, as a young wrestling fan I was subjected to that torture every Thursday night.

      • Grymm

        He also came out to Kid Rock’s “American Bad-Ads”, too.

        He’s a goddamn wrestling LEGEND, but his non-traditional ring music suuuuucked.

        • The Nerd.DMF GO JAYS

          Agreed. The only thing worse than Kid Rock is Limp Bizkit. Honestly Takers my favorite of all time.

  • Iain Gleasure

    They may have tried to break your spirit Diabolus, but you are a stronger man than HMG ever was. They cannot (redacted).

    • We can take away his Alestorm, but we can never take…his FREEDOM! Wait, we checked, we can take that too.

      • Hulksteraus

        Red stapler ov steel!

  • Hulksteraus

    Did anyone notice in the photo that the band have self-unicorned for us so that we do not have to do it for them? (For those that may have vision problems after laughing too hard through this review, it is the 3rd guy from the left)

    • The Unicorn

      Well I’ll be damned!

      • Hulksteraus

        I do like your unicorning however, it improves on the original…

        • The Unicorn

          I totally missed what you saw though man! Bitchin!

          • Hulksteraus

            It took me a few minutes but that hair-do kept drawing the eye back in :)

    • Tofu muncher

      this is really funny and so right. Oh my.

  • aaron bergman

    I never thought worst than Durst was possible.

  • The first rap metal review. Well congrats DiM! You uh made some history here. Realllll historic. Weeping for your future though.

  • Zephyrus

    We’re being too hard on these guys. If it means we’ll get more reviews like this one, they deserve our support.

  • sir_c

    It is not drums you hear. It is the vocalist’s father nailing together a coffin for his soon to be late son.

  • Kronos

    What a terrible band name, too. What’s the theme, week-long workshop on Marxism?

    • Grymm

      I can’t wait until my nü-industrial band, Paper Essay, goes off… Da… CHIZZAAAIN!!!

  • Styler

    It sounds like Linkin Park trying to cover Dream Theatre’s Train of Thought.

    • mtlman1990

      Best comment ever.

    • kordax mint

      Lol so fucking true

  • The Unicorn
  • brutal_sushi

    I made it to the end of the first chorus. Holy shit. DiM is a saint for lasting a whole album of this

  • RyanM1985

    Oh dear. This sounds awful. Was this recorded in 2001 and only released now? Garbage.

  • Thatguy

    I’ve been travelling for the past few weeks and only intermittently checking in.

    I am so glad I made the effort today. Very entertaining review. I am waiting at an airport now with time to kill but it is good to know that I do not need to plug my headphones in to get the message.

    Not worthy of a unicorning.

  • Jeremy Freeman

    My farts sound better than this!!

  • TheSympatheticGuy

    As soon as I saw the tag “Rap Metal” I knew shit was gonna’ get ugly…very very ugly. 0.0 rating? That’s just fucking brutal man.

  • Eli Valcik

    This album goes great with a glass bleach.

  • “Unfortunately, AMG style guidelines do not let me hand in a blank page with a big, beautiful zero at the bottom, so here we are”

    Lol

  • GardensTale

    Oh my God… Those clean vocals are among the worst I have ever heard. Everything else is already absolute utter shit of the worst kind but when that thing tries to belt “Save me I’m falling” I’m just reminded of Dory speaking whale in Finding Nemo. What the fuck.

    DiM, thank you for your service. You took a bullet for us rookies. You should be buried with the highest honors.

  • Willem Stander

    Album cover is cool. Reminds me of a fully clothed Quiet and one of those pain-in-the-ass soldiers with epic animations (Skulls) from MGSV. Photoshop skill 1.5/5. Easy.

  • Lordeggaron

    I enjoyed this album. Will I be set on fire now and forced to molester a frog?

  • Meriyas

    Listened to the first minute of that embedded track… Do they make bleach for your ears? I can’t believe someone commented “God forgive the awesomeness of this song!” on that video!

  • AgonMcDuck

    Idk guys, Guardian Angel is cringe-worthy, sure, but it’s also oddly catchy. It’s been stuck in my head all week and I blame you guys. :P

    • kordax mint

      They’re clearly trying to copy old linkin park… but Linkin Park was a good, talented band and this shit simply sucks.