So, I just got this off a forum who apparently got it off of one of the band member’s Facebook pages, but apparently Joe Lombard who played the full lengths Blasphemy, Decimate Christendom, and Primordial Domination for Incantation has died. Here’s his obituary. It apparently happened on the 3rd of January, 2012.

RIP.

Edit: SMN is reporting that he committed suicide. That’s a damned shame.

Related posts:

1. Opeth Bush Crash/Suicide
2. Peter Steele Confirmed Dead
3. SPV is toast?

Work Through a PR Firm: Now, I normally don’t encourage anyone to deal with PR. People who do PR are generally the scum of the earth. Well, except for the people who do PR in metal, at which point, they are a very useful link between a reviewer and a number of independent releases. Do not underestimate what having someone doing your press work for you will do for you. I have discovered plenty of bands through PR firms that I probably would never have listened to otherwise and more importantly because PR firms use smart strategies, even if I miss one of their e-mails (highly likely, think 420 unread emails), I still have access to the promo material with your pictures, your bio and so forth. Yes, PR firms cost money: but then again, they save you time and they garner (from anecdotal experience) way more attention than you’d ever get for yourselves.

However, not everyone is loaded. Some bands are local bands without much money who invest their time in getting someone with a name to produce their material, or in really snazzy artwork. Your priorities are priorities (though, frankly, if you’re doing either of those two things, the above advice stands), but then…

Have A Plan: One of the things that a PR firm should do for you is plan your strategy for getting your music out there to the world. This plan should basically be set up three months ahead of time and should be followed accordingly. At the beginning of this plan you should have a bio. Preferably a well-written bio that isn’t much longer than a paragraph (or maybe two). Then, you’re going to want to have promotional photos that you package with high quality mp3s in a zip file. This can be sent to a digital promotional tool like Haulix or iPool (but if you’ve got the money for that, why not use a PR firm?), but another strategy is to just start assembling a mailing list. Do not abuse this mailing list. The more e-mails you send out, the less likely I become to read them. But when you’re ready to start sending out your promotional material (roughly two months ahead of time for print magazines and roughly a month ahead of time for blogs and zines), you can hit up these mailing lists and distribute your material.

Send Access to Promos Immediately: I don’t want to have to e-mail with you in order to get your promos, particularly when you’re sending me a review request. Don’t “kindly request” reviews of me (and on a side note, don’t request that I interview your band): just send me the damn link! As an independent band in a virtual flood of independent bands, your approach really does make all the difference. Me receiving a two sentences with a release date of your material and a link to your album and promotional material equals 2 minutes of work for me, and therefore a lot more likely that you’ll get a review in the long run.

Bloggers and Magazines Owe You Nothing: I think it is best, particularly if you’re not using a PR firm, to expect that less than half of all the e-mails you send will ever get read. These people owe you nothing and getting cranky at them gets you nowhere. The best thing to do is to send a follow up e-mail, in a couple of lines of clear language, asking them if they could tell you whether or not they plan on reviewing your material.

Another thing that’s important to remember for the grand scheme of things is that reviewers are doing you a service by reviewing your material (and sometimes, they’re doing you a service by not reviewing your material—Amaranthe had the misfortune of having my review of their last record as their first hit on Google for quite some time). Most websites advertise, and all of them want to be more popular than they are. And so reviewing the material of underground bands is often times a mission of reviewers, but it’s never a strategy for success. Reviews of your material may get to the people who are always looking for good, new material, but most people will never read the reviews. This is a sad reality, but it’s also the reality.

Finally: I’ve probably missed some things, but these are general words of wisdom to live by. Plan, plan, plan and put your damn money into it. If you have invested your life into your project, invest the extra cash it costs to make sure that people actually hear your music and take you seriously. If you follow these easy tips, you’ll probably get a lot more reviews than if you send me a YouTube clip of your latest project with an e-mail that is filled with apologies, misspellings and no punctuation at all. Just sayin’.

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: On AngryMetalGuy.com
2. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: On His Own Obsolescence
3. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: On Objectivity

#10: “Storytime” — Nightwish — While the record wasn’t exactly the greatest thing I’d ever heard, “Storytime” totally got me really fucking stoked to hear the album. This song is just everything Nightwish is and should be sort of boiled down to a fine paste. And man, they did such a good job of it. This track is like the unholy union of ABBA and Nightwish, thereby creating an Angry Metal Kryptonite that I fall victim for every time I hear it. It’s like I don’t want to listen, but then suddenly I’m knocked onto the floor singing “I am the voice of Neverneverland!” Due to these sort of obsessive compulsions, I cannot deny that this track belongs on this list. But know that it’s grudging.

#9: “The Violation” — Fleshgod Apocalypse — Alright, so I wasn’t blown away by this album as everyone is aware. But man did I love this song. I don’t have a ton to say about it beyond “wow, listen to those orchestrations!” So, wow! Listen to those orchestrations! While the drums kind of piss on the production a lot, the chorus was definitely cool and the song writing was smart, concise and enjoyable. This is just a kick ass song that definitely ranks among the best and most memorable of the year. By the way, it would have been just as (or more) awesome if all that melody had been played on the guitars instead of keyboards. Just a thought.

#8: “FFF” — Shining — I cannot explain why this song really stuck with me more than the others on this album (or this year), but it just did. I think partially it’s because I turned the chorus into a bit of a joke with Angry Metal Girlfriend when she wanted me to do things I didn’t want to do (“Jag säger nej [NEJ!] till diskandet!”) but this track with its creepy 70s sounding keyboards and its creeping pace just settled in under my skin and stuck. The riffs are memorable and slick, and while the solo is maybe even a tad much, the acoustic parts and melodies are just fantastic. There’s a bit of an Opeth vibe going on here and I straight up dig it.

#7: “Frost upon Their Graves” — Crimfall — By now it should be well known that I think that Helena Haaparanta is the most talented vocalist in metal. It’s tracks like this that make me feel that way. While Crimfall‘s newest album was not as good as its previous one, this song definitely kept me coming back and back.. and back…. and back again. This was everything that I was looking for from this band—melodic, epic and well-constructed, and making you want to do a folk dance. I love, too, that it builds up to a crescendo right at the end. So powerful. Just let it sink in for you as you listen. Folk metal lives! And Crimfall is its name!

#6: “On Stirring Seas of Salted Blood” — The Black Dahlia Murder — Holy shit. The riff on this track is just crushing. I think that this was the song that kind of showed that Ritual really was a different beast than earlier albums and this is the song that I come back to when I want to show people how fucking awesome this record is. The chorus is also awesome with the bass work and Trevor growling the words “On stirring seas of salted blood…” Oh right, and the fucking solo. Seriously, this is just a stellar track. Good on these guys for switching it up and writing some amazing stuff this year.

#5: “Antebellum” — The Human Abstract — I wholly expect Digital Veil to be a one shot, now that the vocalist is already no longer in the band and the guys seem to have gotten their neo-classical bug out of their system. But it’s too bad, because this record produced some of the best material of the year. While the production is really not my style, Travis Richter nails home the vocals in a way that sort of walks the fine line between pop punk vocals and Muse and the melodic structures and melodies are awesome. Combine that with amazing guitar work and some progressive composition and this little epic piece is one of the best songs of the year.

#4: “Fight ‘em ’til You Can’t” — Anthrax — OK, rarely do I fall for the single track from an album, but man this one just rocked my socks off. I’m not even a huge fan of Anthrax or a big fan of Worship Music, but this song with its trend-hopping zombie apocalypse theme and still adorably mulleted vocalist just worked its way into my brain like some sort of… zombie song, and stuck there. Eating. My brains. … OK, that analogy sucked, but this song didn’t. Seriously, it was just everything I wanted to hear from these guys and it really worked. So congrats to the boys from Anthrax.

#3: “Klippor och skär” — Vintersorg — So, for the first time in a long, long time Vintersorg reclaimed his ability to write some of the best melodic black metal or.. whatever the fuck this is. Anyway, back in the day we all fell for Vintersorg choruses like “Astral and Arcane” and “Till fjälls” and “Klippor och skär” continues this tradition in fantastic form. While the track may be a tad busy at times (as I complained in the original review), it still inspired me to go and frolic in the forest and has been on constant rotation all year.

#2: “Ego” – Omnium Gatherum — Omnium Gatherum‘s New World Shadows came as a big surprise to both myself and to my colleague Steel Druhm. Neither of us expected the tour de force that was this Finnish melodic death record. But while he was impressed with the title track, the song that I got stuck on immediately was “Ego,” a 4 minute rocker with some of the catchiest melodic guitar I’ve heard in a long time and a fairly straight forward chunkity chunk chunk going on. I never saw the lyrics, but the chorus is like the ultimate pep song for a person on the brink of something (“SO DO IT!”). Add a sweet solo and smart segues and a Eurovision key change in and this is a recipe for success. This song could’ve been #1, but there’s just one that I like just a tiny bit better.

#1: “To the Shoreline” — Pain of Salvation — As I commented upon in the review, this song outshone the rest of the record in its geniusity. That’s right, geniusity. It’s like the unholy combination of Camel and Ennio Morricone. Then, make it about as awesome and catchy as possible and you’ve got “To the Shorline”. The biggest problem with the song is that it is short as hell, but actually that might be part of why it was so good. In any case, I’ve listened to this track about a bajillion times this year and I hope you all enjoy it as much as I do.

Ok, so there were of course more than 10 tracks that deserved to be mentioned here. So I decided that I would mention 5 songs here. Three non-metal songs that I really enjoyed, and a couple of tracks that weren’t quite good enough for the list but that I thought deserved a special mention.

Kyarypamyupamyu — “PONPONPON” — That’s motherfucking right. This song just totally rules and if you don’t like it, well, that’s probably pretty understandable.

The Dear Hunter — “She’s Always Singing (Yellow”) — So this year, these guys put out a huge vinyl box set that they released with a number of EPs in the colors of the rainbow. This track is probably my favorite from the whole collection and has a nice 1960s surf rock vibe to it. I dug, dug, dug it. And still really dig it. The guy who writes this stuff is a seriously talented musical omnivore and I’m always impressed by the stuff he’s doing.

My Brightest Diamond — “Be Brave” — Angry Metal Girlfriend turned me onto this lady and I have to say I’m really impressed. This track is dark and progressive and fascinating. The video is weird and hard to watch, but it’s worth giving a shot if you’re a fan of that kind of stuff.

Falconer — “O tysta ensamhet” — So, this didn’t deserve to be on the list because the band didn’t write it, but man this track really rocks my world. It’s originally a traditional song and there are a ton of different arrangements of it and stuff, but I actually loooove this version of it. It totally kicks you in the junk once the guitars kick in. Great stuff.

Shining  — “I nattens timma” — This is exactly the same as the previous Falconer track. It was written by another band in the 1990s, and Shining just did a really great rendition of it. Again, in my time of darkness and horrible burnout, this is a song I was listening to quite a lot.

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy’s Top 10(ish) of 2011
2. Angry Metal Guy’s Top 10(ish) of 2010
3. Angry Metal Guy’s Top 15(ish) of the 2000s

#5: Sirenia - The Enigma of Life — Oh man. This was actually my first taste of Morten Veland’s post-Tristania band. As a fan of female fronted metal and of the sort of gothic metal subculture, I was hoping that it would be something special. But it was so not. Instead, I was entranced by the utter banality of the whole project. This is among the most boring things I’ve ever experienced, and I cannot imagine anyone listening to this of their own free will. If I could get the several hours I spent listening to this back, I’d probably dedicate it to listening to At Sixes and Sevens, in a desperate attempt to save Hr. Veland a little bit of face.

#4: Shadows’ Grey - Bonjour Tristesse — Actually, the fact that this is the second goth metal band on this list actually probably says something about where this little subgenre is these days. It’s pretty bad. This record was a particularly nutty treat, however. While the vocalist is really talented, her taste in musicians is very poor. And the music on this record was trite, mediocre and destroyed by some of the most horrendous ESL lyrics I’ve ever heard. There were glimmers of hope here, and I feel a bit guilty beating up on people who are already so down (Mr. “Maze” is so sad and deep), but these were wasted hours of my life. And I’d like them back.

#3: Rabbits - Lower Forms — Man, I could not quit listening to this album soon enough. But being a good sport (and trying to be fair to bands I’d never heard before), I decided to give it its due. Honestly, I don’t know that I could sum up how I feel about this band any better than what I wrote at the time (and what they quoted on their website): “It’s like everything I could possibly hate about a record rolled into one and then served on a piece of shit.” Indeed. This damage cannot be undone. But I’m happy to give these guys the satisfaction of me talking about their album again! <3

#2: Morbid Angel - Illud Divinum Insanus — Yeah. I mean, there was some OK stuff on here, but in reality I just want this guys to have not put this album out. Why’d you have to go and do this? It was just totally unnecessary. The band should have seen the backlash coming, but my guess is that they’re too surrounded by yesmen and suckups (certainly the response of other musicians was telling enough) to even have realized how bad it was. It was like that interview where someone asked George Lucas if he realized how much everyone hated Episode I and he was utterly shocked. This record should just disappear. Let’s put it away and agree to never think about it again. Please?

#1: Amaranthe - Amaranthe — I don’t actually have much more to say. This record sucked my will to live. My only wish is that it would go back to the shadows from whence it came!

Steel Druhm

As AMG so wonderfully explained, into every reviewer’s life, some crap must fall and since AMG is the boss, more tends to fall MY way (Steel Druhm is all about team). So, without further preamble, here are the worst examples of the dinosaur poo that invaded my promo bin and staged an unauthorized, unappreciated shit show. Avoid these like a Teletubby in a dark alley.

#5: In Flames – Sounds of a Playground Fading – Although I worship their first three albums still, I’ve long since given up on In Flames. Even with zero expectations, I was surprised how bad this one turned out. From the core-ish writing, abysmal vocals and moronic title, it fails every way it can. It’s almost impossible to remember this is the same band that once released The Jester Race. Sounds like a career fading.

#4: The Haunted – Unseen – While I never bought into the hype even when they were all thrashy, now they’re a big directionless, blob. Unseen cartwheels through generic nu-metal, emo, alternative rock and Clutch-worship and nothing really works. I give some props to Peter Dolving’s vocals for their flexibility but that’s all the praise Steel Druhm has for this clunker.

#3: Amaranthe – Amaranthe - This album embodies everything that’s wrong with commercialized metal. It’s soulless, slick, overproduced and aimed at teenagers who want to rebel, but safely (I call it “bubble gum rebellion”). Safe is not how metal is supposed to feel and this craptastic piece of shiny plastic is safer than Stryper. Avoid like your metal cred depends on it, because it does.

#2: Morbid Angel – Illud Divinum Insanus - An album that twisted me from shameless fanboy to enemy in one easy listen. This is one of the most stunning reverses of musical direction by a metal band (or any band for that matter) and I’ve yet to fathom what good they hoped would come from it. Don’t believe the whole “they are so brave” bullshit, this is one of the biggest sellouts the genre has ever seen and may even usurp Celtic Frost‘s Cold Lake as the sellout king. Disgraceful.

#1: Denial Fiend – Horror Holocaust - The most unlistenable album this year also features the worst vocal performance on a metal album, ever. Once a great old school death unit with a party vibe, with the addition of Blain Cook on the mic, it all went completely to shit. I doubt anyone can listen to his child-like screaming and cartoon voices all the way through and not want to take their own life (or his). WAAAAH!!!

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy’s Top 10 Songs from 2011
2. Steel Druhm’s Top 10(ish) of 2011
3. Steel Druhm’s Top Ten Songs of 2011

First, both Steel Druhm and myself (but note that I am mainly speaking for myself, as Mr. Steel Druhm has his own life and priorities) have been deeply disappointed by the decline in frequency with which we can pump out excellent material. Part of this is due to time: I currently am working on a masters degree and I have become very busy in the run up to writing my thesis in the spring semester of this year. On top of that, I experienced some serious burnout while maintaining this blog as a nearly full time “extra” job and taking an overload of courses and then summer courses.

Recently, I developed a medical condition that makes it very difficult for me to sit in front of the computer and do the work that I need to do, which has stopped the revival of the blog because I am unable to even really edit for other people. And to maintain the quality of writing we want to have here at AMG, we need to make sure that the writing is good. Great, even. So it becomes a difficult thing to do. Still, I’ve found some people who have good writing and we’re going to give it a try.

There will be some announcements about this whole thing coming up in the future. I can’t say when for sure, but let me say that I’m fighting through the pain as best I can to put up stuff and hopefully Steel Druhm will also have a renewed burst of time and energy coming up. And if this doesn’t work out now? There are contingency plans. There are always contingency plans.

So Angry Metal Guy might be kind of semi-crippled at this point and otherwise busy, but we’re doing our best to make sure that we can get back up to speed. We started out 2011 with amazing speed and huge growth. We want to regain some of that consistency and retain our new fans and old.

Thanks for reading and thanks for caring.

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: On His Own Obsolescence
2. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: Friendly Advice from an Angry Reviewer
3. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: On Objectivity

This doesn’t actually mean that I’m going away and taking a total break, but things are just going to be spotty around here for a while.

I know that the Internet has a short attention span and I hope that this doesn’t kill the steam that we’ve been building (we’ve really been building a head of steam in 2011, it’s been HUGE, so thank you). So hit up the RSS feed, bookmark us and come back and keep your eye out for new reviews that will keep showing up all summer from the mighty Steel Druhm. And hopefully Burned Out Metal Guy will get his fire back by mid-August.

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: Friendly Advice from an Angry Reviewer
2. Angry Metal Guy’s Best Heavy Metal Songs of All Time 10-1
3. A Short Break

Thinking of Devin Townsend as a musician no longer works. While his command of his instruments is awe-inspiring, to confine him only as such would be a disservice. With Deconstruction, Devin Townsend has ascended to the level of mad scientist; he’ll be aiming an interplanetary weapon at us next. Released simultaneously with Ghost, Deconstruction is part of the four-album the Devin Townsend Project cycle, which also includes the vibrant, poppy Addicted and the much softer (but still complex) Ki. Like much of Townsend’s oeuvre, Deconstruction is a concept album; it loosely follows the journey of a man who descends into hell. There, he meets the devil, who offers him a cheeseburger that contains all the secrets of the universe. Like any devilish generosity, it’s a cruel joke: the man is a vegetarian and cannot partake of the cheeseburger epiphany. Does that sound ridiculous? Of course it is, but this is a project from the man who brought us a rock opera about a megalomaniacal alien willing to wage interstellar war over a cup of coffee. In that context, it feels perfectly reasonable.

What is this monstrosity like musically? It doesn’t get more complicated than this. The album features a full vocal choir, two drummers (Ryan Van Poederooyan and Dirk Verbeuren), and a veritable pantheon of guest vocal talent. Paul Kuhr’s work on “Praise the Lowered” is particularly excellent, as are Joe Duplantier’s vocals on “Sumeria.” There are ten guest vocalists in total and it’s a genuine triumph of mixing that none of them are lost. Each voice stands out, is strong and distinct, adding something to each track. This album is immense, complex and bursting at the seams with layers and guest talent. But the greatest strength of Deconstruction is not its complexity, but its clarity. All of the elements feel necessary. No performance or effect could be cut without losing something and that strikes me as amazing. Deconstruction isn’t going to be for everybody — multiple careful listens in, I am still finding things, still analyzing the album and picking it apart. It’s a demented puzzle box, sometimes as violent and frenetic as Strapping Young Lad, sometimes as tender and plaintive as Ki. I keep returning to “The Planet of the Apes” — something in that song’s particularly manic riffs and drumming keeps drawing me back. This is an album that will reward long-term relationships. I would love to review Deconstruction again in six months.

Related posts:

1. Devin Townsend Project – Ghost Review
2. Angry Metal Guy’s Playlist 6/21 – 6/27
3. Angry Metal Guy’s Playlist 6/28 – 7/04

10. Dimmu Borgir – Spiritual Black Dimension – “The Insight and the Catharsis” — Well, these guys win on several fronts. First front? Definitely the Freud reference. Second front? This song fucking rules. I love everything about. The songwriting is grand, majestic, heavy and blasty while still having lots of melody. This was probably the band’s last awesome album, but it was “The Insight and the Catharsis” and Simen’s vocals that kept me coming back to this track. His vocal melodies are totally incredible and super addictive. And even the guitar solo is heads-and-shoulders above Dimmu‘s run-o’-the-mill work. Over and over and over I have listened to this song and never have I gotten bored with it. Tremendously well constructed, well performed and one of my favorite metal songs of all time (obviously).

09. Danzig – III: How the Gods Kill – “How the Gods Kill” — “Really?” you say. “Danzig?” Hell yes, Danzig. He may be an 4 foot evil Elvis impersonator, but he’s the most evil one of those fuckers you ever done met. And really, he did produce some good, doomy, bluesy heavy metal back in the day. But one of those just pretty good records contained a magnificent and, in my opinion, overlooked track: “How the Gods Kill.” Man, this one is great. It starts out with Danzig‘s dulcet tones and and it just builds. It never reaches a frenzy, but it’s like seething evil. Creepy, awesome and oh-so-memorable. A truly great heavy metal song.

08. Blind Guardian – Nightfall in Middle-Earth — “Nightfall” — This is another one of those tracks that I don’t think it goes to deny. How do you ever deny this shit when it’s staring you in the face like this? This song has everything in it that you could possibly want out of a power metal band. The vocals? Awesome. The harmonies? Huge. The chorus? Unforgettable (really, you’ll be singing it for weeks). The story? By J.R.R. Tolkien. And while Blind Guardian fans will probably poo themselves (they are a remarkably bitchy and fickle lot), I don’t actually think it ever got better than this. These guys just nailed it and nothing they’ve done since has quite lived up to it. Unfortunately, once I’d been changed by “Nightfall” I wanted more of it and never got it. But this song will never die for me.

07. Amon Amarth – Fate of Norns – “The Fate of Norns” — This is actually a weird one, in a sense. As a track it’s actually not the band’s “best” even, but this is one of the few heavy metal songs that has lyrics that actually really moved me the first time I listened to it. Since then it’s been a favorite of mine and for good reasons. I mean, it’s also a great song. Mid-paced melodic death metal with a very memorable chorus, but really it’s just the lyrics that do it for me. I think it’s the idea of Johan Hegg crying over his dead son that do it for me. I dunno, apparently Angry Metal Guy is actually Soft and Cuddly Metal Guy. Whatever, this song is a track I always come back to and love thoroughly. Especially the “ALLFATHER!!!!” part. Oh man, goosebumps as I listen to it now. “I lay him down upon a pyre / A burial worthy a king / And as I lay down by his side / I feel them weaving us in.” So motherfucking metal.

06. Rhapsody [of Fire] – Power of the Dragonflame — “Agony Is My Name” — Oh man, J is right. I am a power metal fag! ‘Cause dudes, this song just straight up balls. This track has it all. It’s like they looked at Yngwe Malmsteen and then they just raised him by 1,000. It’s all here: the over-the-top vocals, chorus, baroque guitar solos and hell even a harpsichord and it 100% rules. Just everything about this song is total win. The chorus, the vocal delivery, every single instrument on the recording. Oh. I listen to it and I instinctively throw horns. It’s like reflexive. Fuck. Such a great track, and this band has had some great tracks.

05. Iced Earth – Something Wicked Comes this Way – The Trilogy: “Prophecy,” “Birth of the Wicked,” and “The Coming Curse” — Okay, I’m cheating. But I *shouldn’t* be cheating, it’s just that Jon Schaffer didn’t make this one song on the record. But you ever see anyone ever play just one of these tracks? No. Have they ever played just one of these tracks live? No. This is one big awesome epic song and it is literally the only Iced Earth I ever even listen to anymore. Matt Barlow is such a beast on these tracks and all three are just.. well.. plain awesome. I’m actually at a loss for words as to how to explain why I love these songs as much as I do. They are just super epic, with Schaffer’s best writing ever, and all the things you love about metal. Gallop, lightning triplets on the drums and guitars, and all the conspiracy laden drama you can eat. Now listen to this and tell me this shit ain’t worth of this spot on the list.

04. Opeth – Blackwater Park — “The Drapery Falls” — Opeth is ridiculously popular now and this is the record that did it. And while I don’t tend to kowtow to the consensus, it’s hard to ignore that this record was special. Because, well, it was special. Everything about it just really clicked, and while I don’t actually even think it’s the band’s best, it has lived on. For me, one of the reasons it lives on as one of the finest metal records I own and one of the band’s best is this track. I remember hearing it for the first time and my jaw dropping when the change at 4 minutes hit: “Pull me down again and guide me into.. Aaah!” Oh man. It floored me and I never forgot it. And still to this day, I haven’t forgotten it. I don’t listen to much Opeth anymore, and I dread the new record something fierce, but “The Drapery Falls” brings back all the same good ol’ nostalgia feelings. [Finally, fuck that they're SO POPULAR that I can't find a non-live version of this song on YouTube.]

03. Metallica - Ride the Lightning — “Creeping Death” — Uh. Hi. Metallica? Yeah, as far as I’m concerned these guys are the thrash band that survives the best in the modern era (that is, their first three albums are still the best), but I must admit that my first full length record was actually a Metallica record, so let’s not kid ourselves, people. I’m a biased motherfucker. Still, I’ve never understood the infatuation with Master of Puppets when Ride the Lightning was such a much better record and “Creeping Death” is the crown-motherfucking-jewel in Metallica‘s bonnet (these guys don’t have a crown anymore—they play corporate parties for fuck sake). Still, this track is just awesome. It’s catchy, it’s rad, it’s got great solos and one of the best chanty parts in any song. Also, it’s.. Biblical? Well, whatever, it was the most metal part of the Bible for sure. Great shit.

02. Iron Maiden – Seventh Son of a Seventh Son — “The Prophecy” — This is the second prophecy on my top list, but this is easily the superior of the two. For me, what makes Iron Maiden the best heavy metal band of all time is the prog. They were a heavy metal band, it’s true. And they wrote some fucking scorchers that I absolutely love. But “The Prophecy” is such an awesome and epic track and subtly progressive—it just embodies everything I love about heavy metal today. It’s got a cool lead in, great dynamic vocals with a badass riff. Dickinson sounds amazing but he never tries to shriek or fuck it up with vocals from his nutsack—he’s just dead on. The guitar work on this song is awesome and Steve Harris’ bass is really just unmatched. The melodies are sticky and the guitar solos are ballsy, though they’re definitely not the best on this album (’cause the title track takes that). And then, the outro. A harmonized riff and beautiful acoustics under it. It’s almost too much too fast, and yet for some reason it just got under my skin and never left. I guarantee you that if I ever get a successful band off the ground this will be the first song we cover. It shows all the dynamism that the band’s counterparts never could muster and it still should make bands green with envy.

01. Blaze - Silicon Messiah — “Stare at the Sun” — It’s hard to express how much I loved this record as an 18 year old. But, I loved a lot of shit when I was younger that I wouldn’t touch with a 20 foot pole today. When it comes to good, honest heavy metal the 2000s have not been pretty. We’ve had some power metal and we’ve had some neo-thrash and there’s a bunch of bands who wish they were born in the 80s, but none of them did it convincingly and with an eye to the future while still just being modern heavy metal. Honest to God heavy metal without and anachronistic bullshit. Blaze, which was led by Blaze Bayley and built of a bunch of no name British punk kids really did that. And speaking of “crown jewels” this is the best song they ever wrote. Everything about this song is just right. The build up is impeccable, the guitar solos are just so goddamned good, the lyrics are well written (it’s about a man going insane in space while staring at the tiny dot that is our sun—what’s more metal than that?) and the production from Mr. Andy Sneap (who you may have heard of) is immense and heavy. I love this song so much, I cannot even begin to do it justice. It just exemplifies everything good about heavy metal. This, in my opinion, is the definition of heavy metal perfection. And there’s not even a little bit of nut grabbing going on.

And that my friends, is all she wrote. If you have any desire to listen to the whole fucking thing as a playlist, you can do that right over here! Click this link and be taken to Spotify!

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy’s Best Heavy Metal Songs of All Time 30-21
2. Angry Metal Guy’s Best Heavy Metal Songs of All Time 40-31
3. Angry Metal Guy’s Best Heavy Metal Songs of All Time 20-11

First, let me say, that for us the opposite of Invisible Oranges’ starting point is true: reviews are what garner hits here and the blog posts and interviews are really just something that we do on the side when we’ve got something to get off our chests. There are a million “I really wish we’d thought up being MetalSucks first” wannabe blogs out there, we certainly don’t need another one. And while my post “On Objectivity” garnered a lot of hits, and our Best Metal Tracks of All Time lists have pulled in new viewers, really the content trail would lead me to believe that the content to produce is reviews. But reviews have a shelf life, unlike a lot of blog posts. They simply don’t perform well over the long haul.

Reviews, however, seem to be considered pretty widely as bullshit. This, I understand. I have previously written about the fact that the reviewer’s position in the modern system is one of continual ass-kissing. It’s even worse with interviews. Everyone wants you to do interviews with bands. But not only are interviews a waste of time, but you’re pretty much just expected to be sycophantic. And if you are sycophantic you gain. When I recently heaped praise on the new The Black Dahlia Murder record, it was posted on the band’s Facebook, which landed us thousands of views in a matter of hours. On the other hand, my review of the new Amorphis record got very few comparatively. Why is this? Because Amorphis, obviously, didn’t post negative or lukewarm reviews on their website.

What is the lesson of this? Kiss ass. Unless you unleash a righteous ass-whupping and the band or its fans get pissed enough to flock to your website, anything that you say that is not blowing sunshine up the ass of the industry will get you ignored. And there are stories of zines who have been basically pressured by labels and bands when they give them bad reviews. K. Philipson (who runs Global Domination and has a couple bands) actually got harassed by Nightwish after gave them a shitty review for Once. They basically wrote to him and said that he couldn’t write that. He wrote a “make up” review where he gave them 600/10. Another reader told me that he once made some comment in a review and was forced by the writers to apologize for the comment because it had offended the label.

In other words, unless you are willing to suck the industry’s cock, you don’t get access. Unless you are big and important enough, you don’t get access. Unless you are willing to toe the line, you don’t get access and since everyone wants success and access for their endeavors, it all pushes reviews in the direction of being big wet kisses to the industry if you ever want to get a record early or an interview with a band you really like. That the industry is self serving is not surprising, of course. It’s to be expected. But since this is the case, reviews haven’t just become useless for many of the reasons already stated (saturation, downloading, bands over music [though I have issues with this], shitty writers), but also because those shitty writers have no reason to be honest. I have seen a plethora of examples where a person obviously doesn’t like a record, but s/he gives it a 9/10 anyway. I’ve had a multitude of comments from disgruntled fans when I have given a record a 3/5 (which is according to my scale “good”). If a 3/5 is considered a death sentence for a new record… well, that reflects the inflated, bullshit that makes up reviewing. Where’s the credibility?

I strongly encourage Invisible Oranges to stop doing reviews and to send people looking for them our way over here at Angry Metal Guy (being the self-serving asshole that I am). We continue doing them because I enjoy writing and because I do think that some people get value out of them. One of the most frequent comments that I receive is “I’ve found so many great bands through your site!” And that’s the purpose reviews serve. After all these years. While, certainly, most people aren’t going to read every review that comes across their screen due to saturation levels, people will continue discovering new music and loving it because of the work of reviewers who are willing to take the time to review material from smaller, less-well-known bands and labels (as well as doing major releases, of course). And we, as reviewers, owe it to them to be honest. Because even if we’re bordering on obsolete, people are still reading and do still care. And I still think my opinion is really fucking awesome.

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: Friendly Advice from an Angry Reviewer
2. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: On Objectivity
3. Angry Metal Guy’s Playlist 6/28 – 7/04

I understand that you loved Guns ‘N Roses. I mean, really, it must have been the greatest experience of your entire life. It was a time when you were on top of the world. The drummer for an up-and-coming band that owned every venue they played and that got signed and sold millions of records. You had friends, chicks, cash and all the drugs you could sniff, chew on, inject, stick up your ass, and so forth to your little heart’s desire. It’s hard not to imagine that this was the high point of your life, and dude. I get that.

But you know there’s a ‘but’ coming here. But you need to get over it. Every time I go to Blabbermouth there’s some stupid fucking interview where you’re saying something stupid about how Axl Rose will finally pull his braided-haired-head out of his narcissistic and deeply unhappy ass and call you up and say “I want to relive the same shit you want to relive! Let’s do this!” And then, like magic, all the problems that happened between him and Slash will disappear and Duff will drop his shitty band (this is the part of the fantasy I have as well—who told that guy he was any good at writing music? Fucking shit his solo music sucks), Izzy will stop being a reclusive weirdo and that Matt Sorum guy will get eaten by an abominable snowman. And then Jesus will come back to reward you for going clean (in all seriousness, good on you and I hope you keep that up).

But then you had to go and say this shit:

“I always say, as long as the five of us are alive, it could happen, but now I’m gonna turn that around and say, as long as God is alive, I think it will happen,” Adler replied. He continued, “And the most important thing is G’NR owes it to the fans to do a reunion tour.”

Well, to paraphrase Nietzsche: “God is dead.”

It’s not going to happen. It won’t. For all of the reasons that are so obvious to everyone but you. But instead, you just keep pushing and pushing on this dream that is absolutely 100% not going to happen. Dudes are quitting your solo band, which is named after the ONE successful record you played on in your entire life, instead of just playing music for the joy of it. Do you even like playing drums anymore? I can only imagine that hanging out with you has to be the biggest bummer in the entire world. Tale after tale (and there can only be so many before you’re repeating yourself) about how it was when you were the drummer for the best hard rock band since Led Zepplin. But those days are gone.

And more specifically, Guns ‘N Roses owes the fans diddly squat. Axl Rose, obviously, doesn’t give one flying fuck about the fans and none of you ever need to think about it again. You saying it’s about the fans is so goddamned disingenuous that I can hardly stomach it. This is about you wanting to reclaim the best time of your life and no one else cares. The other dudes in the band moved on, did shit and are way over G’NR and so should you be. I know you’ve got a shrink: talk to him or her about this shit. You’re like that dude who got dumped 10 years ago who can’t stop talking about his ex. You know what Lost Horizon would say about this fucking bullshit? They’d say: “HEY MAN WHAT IS THIS!? Sounds like wail of a wimp! Did you let loser side take command?!”

And they’d be right. So get off your mopey ass and DO something with your life. Or at least shut the fuck up.

Love and cuddles,

Angry Metal Guy

Related posts:

1. Angry Metal Guy Speaks: Friendly Advice from an Angry Reviewer
2. Angry Metal Guy’s Best Heavy Metal Songs of All Time 10-1
3. Angry Metal Guy’s Top 10 Songs from 2011