Dec16

Crimson Moon – Oneironaut Review

Crimson Moon – Oneironaut Review

“Let’s be honest. The internet has simultaneously made everything better while absolutely fucking ruined it. Yes, we can get music and movies instantly, order pizza online, and buy embarrassing shit like hemorrhoidal cream without handing someone money face to face. At the same time, any mystery about life has been sucked out of our consciousness like an effeminate Brad Pitt in Interview With A Vampire chomping on some pale, lame white girl.” The internetz are for porn (and butt balm).

Terra – Mors Secunda Review

Terra – Mors Secunda Review

“I was rooting for Terra. About two years ago when this English trio released their untitled debut, I thought the group had the potential to breathe fresh life into the so-called “Cascadian” black metal scene that had been losing steam for the past few years. Nevermind that they aren’t technically from the Pacific Northwest…” Cascading is the new voguing.

Ash Borer – The Irrepassable Gate Review

Ash Borer – The Irrepassable Gate Review

“I will admit off the bat that I did not know what I was walking into with Ash Borer. They were a random pick, as our promo sheet is currently blacker than an Ad Reinhardt ten-part series on being born blind. I missed the boat on the so-called “Cascadian black metal” scene after several unsatisfying jaunts with Wolves in the Throne Room, but I’m down to see what all the hype is about.” Hype can truly be a bore.

Sarkom – Anti-Cosmic Art Review

Sarkom – Anti-Cosmic Art Review

“The biggest difference between 2013’s Doomsday Elite and their previous work is the amount of inspiration they brought into every track of Doomsday. They brought in The Kovenant’s Psy Coma to handle the closing orchestral arrangements, Negator’s Nachtgarm for vocal assistance, and the guitars of Keep of Kalessin’s Vyl. And Anti-Cosmic Art is here to take it one step further. The band brings more guests, unleashes more riffs, more blastbeats, and a plethora of guitar solos. The result is Sarkom’s best release to date. ” Is this the Avantasia of blackness?

Turbo Shokk – Get Radical Review

Turbo Shokk – Get Radical Review

“December is a brutal month for us lowly reviewers. Between unreasonable demands for End of Year lists from our monstrous editors to unreasonable Christmas wish lists from our equally monstrous children, we get yanked in every direction. To make matters worse, all the good bands have finished issuing their albums and we are left sifting through the muck and the mire, desperately trying to find something that will boost our average review scores” Second prize is a set of steak knives.

Aphyxion – Aftermath Review

Aphyxion – Aftermath Review

“Before I write this review, let me educate the non-American readers of this fine website about the amazing about-face that happens this time of year. Just one day before I finalized this review, our nation celebrated Thanksgiving, a day where we all sit around the table, eat turkey, unsuccessfully avoid all conversations about politics, and above all give thanks for what we have. I mention this because 24 hours later, a phenomenon known as Black Friday began. A day where all promises of thanks and gratefulness are dashed.” Fight for that discount waffle maker!

Season of Arrows – Give It to the Mountain Review

Season of Arrows – Give It to the Mountain Review

“Despite the recent rise to prominence of numerous female-driven projects and bands, such as Myrkur, Darkher, and Mortals to name but a few, there’s no denying that metal is still largely the domain of men. Sure there have always been exceptions to the rule — the likes of Girlschool and Kittie have been knocking about for years — but considering there are approximately 3.7 billion of them on this planet, women are still massively underrepresented across the genre.” OCCUPY metal!

The Loom of Time – NihilReich Review

The Loom of Time – NihilReich Review

“It’s time to come clean. While I (and many of my colleagues) have been blithering on in our writings about how 2016 has been a fantastic year for — insert subgenre here — metal, I must admit that this year has been a bit underwhelming for me. Not in terms of the sheer number of quality releases, mind you, but rather in the notable dearth of legitimate surprises.” Somebody’s getting greedy….

Crest of Darkness – Welcome the Dead Review

Crest of Darkness – Welcome the Dead Review

“Ingar Amlien is a persistent fellow. Having formed Crest of Darkness in 1993 to pursue darker fare than his progressive main band Conception would allow, Amlien weathered line-up changes and several fine-tunings of their blackened thrash formula. Their last album, 2013’s In The Presence of Death, impressed our very own Madam X with their rifftastic blasphemy, goofy cover notwithstanding. Now it’s my turn to enjoy deep of Norwegian black-thrash with their seventh album, Welcome the Dead.” Welcome…to your grave!

Revel In Flesh – Emissary of All Plagues Review

Revel In Flesh – Emissary of All Plagues Review

“”Listen to them, the children of Entombed. What sweet music they make!” Or something like that. There can be no denying just how ubiquitous the genre has become, but I harbor a serious love of all things Swedish death. Clearly so do Revel In Flesh, a band who have been successfully churning out body-blow Scandinavian flavored death metal for the last 5 years.” Left Hand wrath.