“The classic 80s metal sound will never go away, because bands like Enforcer still live, breathe and eat that stuff. Their entire career has been spent chasing the closest approximation to early 80s speed metal as humanly possible and when they nail it, it stays pretty damn nailed.” It’s time for your required dose of old school metal, so open up and say…Enforcer!
“I’ll fully admit that I have a soft spot for fun in my metal. After all, a man can only listen to Ulcerate growl about entropy, Triptykon purging Tom G.’s demons, and Kvarforth whining about how long it took him to clean out his bathtub after his fateful promo video (I don’t speak Swedish, so this is conjecture) so much, and even though I greatly enjoy all of those artists and listen to their great work regularly, sometimes a change of pace is needed. Enter Alberta’s Striker, and their excellent third album City of Gold.” For the record, bathtubs are a real pain in the arse to clean.
“Wow, what a year! A large portion of 2013 has had me working my ass off in preparation for my stint out at sea with 70,000 Tons of Pure Fucking METAL! I’ve tried to curtail my excitement, but fuck it, this is huge – Carcass, Septicflesh, Finntroll, Overkill… what more could a girl ask for?” As Madam X shamelessly drops free plugs for a certain novelty cruise line, she also delivers her best albums of the year. That lady can multi-task!
“Move your skinny asses over, Enforcer, there’s a new sheriff in Retro City and the name is really shitty. I know a pussy cat name like Alpha Tiger won’t inspire much faith amongst the angry metal masses, but trust me, the music more than makes up for the cheese-tastic moniker (which belongs on a third-rate Japanese video game where you brawl through a zoo and up the food chain). This is unapologetically old school, traditional metal taking its cues from early 80s American acts like Agent Steel, Armored Saint, John Arch era-Fates Warning, Sacred Oath and Crimson Glory.” Yes, Steel Druhm is delivering MORE retro metal for your consideration!! Deal with it. ROAR!
Enforcer is an easy band to poke fun at. Though from Sweden, they play a retro style that seeks to hit the sweet spot between NWOBHM and early American speed metal acts like Abattoir, Jag Panzer and Attacker, with the occasional dose of hair metal/cock rock tossed in for shits and giggles. This style calls for a fair amount of skin-tight white jeans, hairspray, bullet belts and overall silliness pasted on a rickety frame of Iron Maiden and Saxon riffs. How that strikes you is a very personal matter and I’m not one to judge (that’s a lie. I’ve been silently judging you all for years).
Our first entry in the Angrily Unreviewed sweepstakes is Street Law, the third release by Mexican retro metallers Split Heaven (available on Pure Steel Records). Following in the footsteps of other 80’s style retro rockers like Steelwing, Enforcer and Wolf, Split Heaven serves up old school metal with a patina of hard rock and more than a little cheese (the album cover alone is worth fifty pounds of Velveeta). Now, before you turn up your elitist metal nose, this is some powerful, authentic stuff from a bunch of hungry youngins and it rocks harder than Thor at a Manowar concert. Songs like “Time Warrior,” “Street Law,” “Lonewolf” and especially “Night of the Jaguar” overflow with unrestrained enthusiasm and exuberance and manage to hit that 80’s style dead on. Closest in sound to Enforcer, they actually remind me a lot of Theatre of Fate-era Viper, old Obsession and Attacker, these guys play fast, loud and with real urgency. Great riffs are everywhere and while there’s that typical Maiden style here and there, they do their own thing as well. The vocals by Eligio Valenzuela are high pitched and a bit shrill but go along quite well with the vintage riffing and soloing style.
So there Steel Druhm was, sitting with a promo entitled Steel by the unknown Finns called Battle Beast. A quick perusal of the song titles made it clear they graduated Summa Cum LOUDLY from the Manowar School of Song Namery, as the numerous mentions of “metal,” “steel” and “iron” attest. The cover features a lion man fighting a robot as drawn by a ten year old at metal summer camp. Despite my renowned power metal geekdom, I felt a sense of dread and apprehension as I pressed play. Well damn it all if this thing isn’t full of surprises. Steel is a raging slab of frenetic, over-the-top 80’s metal worship that ladles out heaping helpings of thick cheese sauce and demands that you take seconds. Raging twin guitars, heroic solos, uber dramatic song structures and the vocals, Dear God the vocals!! The singer has a huge set of lungs and an even bigger set of balls which are frequently stuck in a vice! From gravelly, rasping shouts, air raid siren screams and superior singing, he can do it all and its so damn metal it kills my neighbor’s lawn. Imagine my shock to find out there are no balls to put in the vice because the HE is actually a SHE! That’s right, Nitte Valo is a true metal queen and she’s flat out brilliant on this album. However, unless you love the classic sounds of 80’s metal (think Grim Reaper, old Grave Digger, Accept) mixed with a smattering of power metal, this will leave you running for the door but quick. It revels in all the cliches and idiocy of that era and these folks certainly aren’t trying to be the next Opeth. You still with me? OK, stay with me.
The retro metal wolf is at the door again. The lupus I refer to is Sweden’s own Wolf, the one that’s been churning out their NWOBHM meets Mercyful Fate meets power metal style since 2000 and resisting all signs of modernizing along the way. Well, color them consistent because here on Legions of Bastards, their sixth album, they remain firmly planted in the 80’s metal sound and mentality. While retro-come-lately acts like Enforcer, Bloodbound and Steelwing made their bones raping the musical carcass of the 80’s, they’re all getting seriously sloppy seconds since Wolf got there first, many years ago. Past albums have been fun, energetic nods of the old school gods like Judas Priest and Iron Maiden and here on Legions, the retro hero-worship continues unabated. This is 110% shameless throwback metal with enough over-the-top guitar soloing, vocal wailing and cheesy metal cliches to make Spinal Tap consider a career in disco. It’s more fun than a barrel full of Charlie Sheens and just about as subtle. If any part of you is a forward-looking progressive who wants to stop living in the past, this is very much not the band or album for you. As for me, I thrive on old timey metal cheese so this is right in my personal (cheese) wheelhouse. Set the time machine to 1986, raise the horns and read on if you dare.
Is this new Manowar? No, that it ain’t. So it’s Rossowar? Closer, but still no. What we actually have before us is Hailstorm, the second album by Ross the Boss. Mr. The Boss was of course the original fret master for the legendary Manowar and he played on all their classic, seminal albums before riding off to seek glory on his own (yes AMG, there really are classic Manowar albums [I resent that statement. – AMG]). So what type of music would one of the founding fathers of sword and furry loincloth metal create in this day and age? Well, those hoping Ross assembled a merry band of Manowar imitators will be disappointed. While there are several unsubtle stylistic nods to his original band (the most unsubtle band of all time), this is way less Mano-thematic than 2008’s New Metal Leader and focuses more on early 80’s style metal and straight ahead power metal. In some ways this departure from his musical comfort zone works, in others it falls just a bit short.
Angelus Apatrida is a Spanish thrash metal band founded in the early 2000s, that is now putting out it’s third record, but Clockwork is the first for one of metal’s biggest labels: Century Media. So when I got this record, I just kinda went “who?” and went on with my day not thinking much of it. The name, which roughly translates to “fallen angels”, means nothing to me and has been sorta flitting in and out of my brain and while I was surprised to stick this in and hear thrash metal screaming at me (that’ll teach me to not read the bio first), I wasn’t really sure that there was anything here that would stick.
