Glam Metal

Reckless Love – Turborider Review

By El Cuervo on March 22, 2022 in Reviews, Glam Metal, Hard Rock, Synthwave, 65 comments

“Sometimes you just know when a record is for you. When it rises to the turgid surface of the promo sump using words such as “hair/sleaze/electro,” brazenly marketing itself with outrun pink and a cyborg character. I had absolutely no choice in picking out Reckless Love’s fifth full-length album entitled Turborider, in all its neon resplendence. Finland is not a country known for its excess, color and happiness and yet has somehow produced the most excessive, colorful and happy metal release you’ll hear all year.” Turbo Brother.

Kissin’ Dynamite – Not the End of the Road Review

By Huck N Roll on February 2, 2022 in Reviews, Glam Metal, Hair Metal, Heavy Metal, 15 comments

“For well over 30 years – well, since the genre came into being, really, any time I’ve needed a pick-me-up I’ve been able to safely turn to the lighter side of metal. Call it hair, glam, bubblegum metal, whatever you like, the music is based on one thing: having a great time. Always highlighted by excellent guitarists and augmented with massive singalong choruses, just dropping an old Black ‘N Blue or Dirty Looks album on the turntable washes away all of the day’s grime. Germany’s Kissin’ Dynamite feel the same way about glam metal as I do, and for six albums they demonstrated their adoration of the hair days with strong outings.” Bomb licking, cock rocking.

Osukaru – Starbound Review

By El Cuervo on October 19, 2021 in Reviews, Glam Metal, Hard Rock, 40 comments

“Alarm bells tend to ring when, after randomly picked an album for review, that album is one of several for a band you’ve never heard previously. It usually signifies a group toiling in mediocrity, never having sufficiently impressed a critical mass to start developing a reputation. In the case of Sweden’s Osukaru, I suspect it may be a consequence of their style. The target demographic of their sixth release, Starbound, stopped listening to new music in 1992 with the last good Def Leppard record, the stratification of a variety of extreme metal sub-genres and the advent of grunge as the most popular form of rock.” Star daddy.

Night Laser – Power to Power Review

By Steel Druhm on August 26, 2020 in Reviews, Glam Metal, Hair Metal, Heavy Metal, Power Metal, 24 comments

“Allow me to be upfront with you all. I only took this promo to stop Holdeneye from getting his grubby, overly generous meat mittens on it and awarding it a Skelatorian 4.0 regardless of intrinsic goodism. Such selfless promo blocks are required of the one who bears the title of Lord Protector of AMG’s Metal Cred, and I’m just doing what other mighty heroes from history would do in my stead. It takes a toll though, as Night Laser burns brightly with cheese-tastic awfulness on third album Power to Power.” POWERS outage.

Jet Jaguar – Endless Nights Review

By GardensTale on July 15, 2020 in Reviews, Glam Metal, Heavy Metal, NWOBHM, 16 comments

“Despite being a sizable and populous country, Mexico has precious few big names in the metal scene. These days their biggest claim to fame is a certain pirate metal drinking song, followed by Brujeria’s brutal cartel-themed death metal. But there is still significant love for the more classic subgenres, and Jet Jaguar are testimony to that fact. Winners of the Wacken Open Air Metal Battle 2017, these 5 gents have been pounding the pavement and reawakening the Mesoamerican hunger for 80’s metal for a while now, and they are finally ready to drop their debut, the garishly neon-colored Endless Nights.” Own the purple night.

Tarchon Fist – Apocalypse Review

By Kenstrosity on August 13, 2019 in 2019, Glam Metal, Heavy Metal, Italian Metal, Pride & Joy Music, Reviews, Glam Metal, Heavy Metal, 26 comments

“What? You thought Victorious was gonna be the only metal band we reviewed here with bright colors and dinosaurs in their album art? Fools! The lot of ye! Tarchon Fist, an Italian heavy metal quintet formed in 2005, demands representation in the land of outlandish tapestries bursting with muscular sword-dudes and rampant nonsense. I summoned Apocalypse from the post-apocalyptic wasteland that is August’s promotional dump site because I believed the metal deities wouldn’t permit such artwork were it not for the righteous wares forged therein.” Fist of the Past.

Licence – N.2.O.2.R Review

By GardensTale on August 2, 2019 in 2019, German Metal, Glam Metal, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Metalapolis, Reviews, Glam Metal, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, 27 comments

“I love complex music as much as the next metalhead. The potential for progressive structures and technical wizardry are some of the elements that set rock and metal apart from most other forms of contemporary music. But sometimes, I just want to kick back with something that’s catchy and dumb, and if there had not been plenty of people who agree with me, we’d never have had glam metal.” Expired.

Hank Von Hell – Egomania Review

By Huck N Roll on November 6, 2018 in 2018, Century Media, Glam Metal, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Norwegian Metal, Reviews, Glam Metal, 53 comments

“November: the time of year when Madam X rules the roost with her iron fist. Meaning, this month I’m taking my orders from her, and the first order of business is this Hank Von Hell record. Name ring a bell? It does if you were (or for some reason still are) a Turbonegro fan. Von Hell, then known as Hank Von Helvete, sang for those punky fellows for seventeen years and six records, then stepped away for a variety of reasons both sordid and domestic. His short-lived band, Doctor Midnight & the Mercy Cult, put out an album in 2011, and then he faded away again until now, where we are presented with Egomania.” Turbo ego.

Kissin’ Dynamite – Ecstasy Review

By Lokasenna on July 18, 2018 in 2018, German Metal, Glam Metal, Metal Blade, Reviews, Glam Metal, Hair Metal, 144 comments

“Hair metal! Is there a more maligned subgenre? Given the way it warped the general public’s image of metal, and for how long, it’s hard to imagine one. But for sheer, raw fun, it can be very, very hard to beat, especially on the rare occasion one finds it executed well. But what does ‘well’ mean in this context? Is it even really possible for that word to apply to hair metal?” Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Yer Metal Is Olde: Kiss – Love Gun

By Huck N Roll on November 19, 2017 in American Metal, Glam Metal, Heavy Metal, Yer Metal Is Olde, Glam Metal, Heavy Metal, 110 comments

“August 1977. A small boy is on vacation in the Big City with his family — once a year they make the eight-hour drive, to buy new corduroy pants and wide-striped shirts. But that’s not what is exciting the boy today in the shopping mall. He spent the summer picking bottles in the alleyways of his hometown and managed to save up seven dollars. And now he was in a record store, staring at a display on the wall that he could hardly get over. He knew he was looking at a record — after all, his parents had plenty of albums, from Neil Young to Engelbert Humperdinck — but he had never seen one that also looked like a comic book. And the price on it was $6.98: he had to have this.” Love is a battlefield, Kiss is the army.