“As we’ve established, Silent Tiger are a band that excels at album cover artwork. Their 2020 debut, Ready for Attack, saw their feline mascot stealthily emerging from the chilled, blue haze of a Bob Ross painting. Not to rest on the laurels of that bar-setting accomplishment, Silent Tiger crushed all other comers with the artwork to Twist of Fate.” Crouching tiger, hidden schmaltz.
“Here I go again, going down the only road I’ve ever known – reviewing 80s era metal heroes trying to recapture lightning in a Zima bottle. If you had MTV in 1987, then, in-between Tawny Kitaen’s automotive gymnastics and David Coverdale’s expertly waxed chest, you witnessed Dutch guitar maestro, Adrian Vandenberg play one of the most iconic solos of the era.” Heart burn redux.
“For well over 30 years – well, since the genre came into being, really, any time I’ve needed a pick-me-up I’ve been able to safely turn to the lighter side of metal. Call it hair, glam, bubblegum metal, whatever you like, the music is based on one thing: having a great time. Always highlighted by excellent guitarists and augmented with massive singalong choruses, just dropping an old Black ‘N Blue or Dirty Looks album on the turntable washes away all of the day’s grime. Germany’s Kissin’ Dynamite feel the same way about glam metal as I do, and for six albums they demonstrated their adoration of the hair days with strong outings.” Bomb licking, cock rocking.
“Night Flight Orchestra’s sizable following in the metal community has evidently attracted the attention of Swedish AOR (always on radio) scene fixture Mikael Erlandsson. Erlandsson has been prolific in the Swedish AOR scene over the past two decades, releasing fourteen studio albums with Last Autumn’s Dream and now three albums with successor Autumn’s Child. For Erlandsson’s most recent project to reach its Zenith, he must walk the knife’s edge of writing songs that fit within a commercialized framework without simultaneously sounding tired and rote. To pull off this magic trick again and again in front of AOR audiences that have seen it all would be impressive indeed.” Hard rock in a hard place.
“Allow me to be upfront with you all. I only took this promo to stop Holdeneye from getting his grubby, overly generous meat mittens on it and awarding it a Skelatorian 4.0 regardless of intrinsic goodism. Such selfless promo blocks are required of the one who bears the title of Lord Protector of AMG’s Metal Cred, and I’m just doing what other mighty heroes from history would do in my stead. It takes a toll though, as Night Laser burns brightly with cheese-tastic awfulness on third album Power to Power.” POWERS outage.
“Sandness. The essence of sand. It’s coarse and it’s rough and it’s irritating and it gets everywhere. Such characteristics are not really desirable for a young Italian rock band releasing their third album and aiming to bring 80s hair metal to the modern day. Untamed follows a 3-year break, a time in which the band aimed to create something “more straightforward, shorter and more lighthearted,” descriptors which are quite different to those listed above. But the real queries are around quality. Do they achieve their goals? Should you invest your time here? Do I like Sand(ness)?” The Sandness of love.
“Hair metal! Is there a more maligned subgenre? Given the way it warped the general public’s image of metal, and for how long, it’s hard to imagine one. But for sheer, raw fun, it can be very, very hard to beat, especially on the rare occasion one finds it executed well. But what does ‘well’ mean in this context? Is it even really possible for that word to apply to hair metal?” Hair today, gone tomorrow.
“Back in the early ’90s, Warrior Soul were among the many groups who rode in on the tail end of 1980s-style hair metal, only to have their careers washed away by the incoming dominance of grunge/alternative rock. Led by frontman Kory Clarke, the band’s slightly artsy take on the genre led to some noteworthy albums during that brief window in time (my friends in high school seemed to really like Drugs, God and the New Republic), before crashing and burning in 1995. However, the band has resurfaced in various incarnations over the years, usually with Clarke as the sole original member. Back On The Lash is their first studio album in five years.” Old Soul.
“There’s no doubt that this is one fucked up world. And to add insult to injury, Autograph has a new album. I mean, I wouldn’t want to say glam metal is irrelevant these days, but it is. And one of its pioneers is unwilling to die—trying to hold on to what it has (“Turn Up the Radio”) and hasn’t (everything else) contributed to this world.” This IS your father’s metal.
“December is a brutal month for us lowly reviewers. Between unreasonable demands for End of Year lists from our monstrous editors to unreasonable Christmas wish lists from our equally monstrous children, we get yanked in every direction. To make matters worse, all the good bands have finished issuing their albums and we are left sifting through the muck and the mire, desperately trying to find something that will boost our average review scores” Second prize is a set of steak knives.
