“I can address the Arch Enemy-shaped elephant in the room with For I Am King. A female vocalist, a Gothenburg-inspired guitar attack, just enough metalcore riffage to keep things relatable – Crown has got it all. To be clear, there is nothing cutting edge about it; if it’s riffs you want, ask and you shall receive. Don’t approach Crown expecting to come away with the prototype of the new breed of melodeath or a newfound respect for Arch Enemy.” Arch usurper.
“Alright everyone, take a look at that album art and raise your hands if you’re too kvlt for this shit. Cool: head outta the Hall and keep those hands up — you’ll need them for all the high-fiving that ensues as you elitists in exodus bond over your trve superiority. The rest of you should be ashamed ov yourselves try to keep Kenbellina restrained, this thing is pretty much tailor-made for the lil guy and the bulk of this review will be centered around why that’s a bad thing.” Stardusted.
“Regardless what the band name means, I bet those who dabble in guessing a band’s genre by their name can guess this one. With simple melodeath riffs set atop typical metalcore ones, 5Rand’s unique trait is the alternating rasps, growls, cleans by vocalist Julia Elenior. Toss in headbanging licks of Shogun-era Trivium and some rather impressive drum work, and you’ve got the band’s second full-length release, Dark Mother.” Mother knows beast.
“I am ashamed. Why? Because I almost let this badass record slip through my greedy clutches. You see, my good friend (who we know as Septic ’round these parts) randomly pops in now and again to apprise me on some of his choice metallic discoveries. He introduced Irish/German/Dutch quartet Ascend the Hollow to me and I was instantly hooked. Like, so fast my head spun. I needed to share my excitement for Echoes of Existence with as many people as possible, but how? It would’ve been grand if we received promo, I thought. Then, all of a sudden I received a virtual sucker punch while rooting around the bin—the thing’s been sitting there since the end of April! How in the actual heck did I miss that??? And lo I experienced great embarrassment. I nearly neglected one of the coolest new bands to materialize out of absolute nowhere this year.” Finder of nearly lost things.
“Has there ever been a time when metalheads ’round the ‘verse rightly celebrated non-Converge metalcore? I am not qualified to answer this question, for in my infinite wisdom, I actually dig In This Moment quite a lot—and, for the record, Maria Brink sounds incredible live. I feel no shame for this, and because of that I am sure Angry Metal Guy would love nothing more than to sacrifice me to a rabid Muppet while playing Tetragrammacide in the foreground for good measure. But I digress. Germany’s For All I Care is a metalcore sextet of the non-Converge variety, and Forever and a Day is their debut full length. And as you might suspect given my polarized taste, it is possible that I might love this stuff.” We care a lot.
“We all did dumb stuff when we were 14. We overate on candy without remembering how much we puked last time, we lost teeth to concrete trying to nail the stupidest stunts, and we tried and failed horribly at being cool enough for that one girl that kick-started our hormone production the summer before. One of the (un)cool things we did was listen to what passed as edgy at the time, and considering this would be 2003 for me, that would be Mudvayne and Static-X. Now I have a brand new nu-metal promo by Invidia, a supergroup featuring members from Skinlab, Five Finger Death Punch and In This Moment, colliding all of the above with such heroes as Godsmack, a manure-filled dump truck and a frat house full of drunk jocks.” Ah, to never be young again.
“Heredity can be a blessing and a curse. Unless you’re George Clooney, you will be endlessly compared to that elderly, more famous relative of yours no matter how different you proclaim to be. Often, lineage will be the curiosity factor that garners early attention, but even more often it will be a stumbling block to legitimacy. Take Lauren Harris, for example, daughter of Iron Maiden’s Steve Harris. She’s been trying for over a decade to make a go of it, with little luck. Another “Child of Maiden,” Austin Dickinson, is bravely trying to carve his own path, first with unmemorable metalcore act Rise to Remain and now with As Lions.” How far is that apple gonna roll?
“Many guitarists have passed through the ranks of the Ozzy Osbourne band over the years, but only one has inspired whole generations of axemen. Only one is mentioned in the same breath as legends like Hendrix and Eddie Van Halen; only one has had first-born children named after him. That man, my friends, is Mr. Jake E. Lee.” Mr. Fisting dusts off his 80s man-crush on the legendary Mr. E. Lee and gives us the straight skinny on his new solo project. Hint Hint: The “E” stands for “ehhhh.”
When an album lands in my inbox accompanied by an apology from Angry Metal Guy himself, you know it’s gonna be a rough listen.
So I admit, I’ve never heard SoCal pop rockers In This Moment before. This review will be completely devoid of comparisons to their last two records. Nor will it be filled with witty insights into how the band has changed over their time and whether or not this is a darker record (of course, every new record is the darkest, heaviest, etc., that any band has ever done, so trust the bio about as far as you can throw Arnold Schwarzneger). No, this is going to pretty much be a tirade about how much I really don’t like this album at all or the style of music or basically anything about this at all except for Maria’s clean singing voice, which is very good. You are warned. Don’t throw a fit in the comments because I hate your favorite band: I’ve already warned you. If you read past the jump then it’s your own fucking fault.
