May2016

Elderblood – Messiah Review

Elderblood – Messiah Review

“I used to live near a funny little Polish deli, and my mother would often buy meats from there because Poland seems to do quite well in that area, especially sausage. I don’t recall my experiences in that place very well (I was probably about ten the last time I was there), but it’s apparently common knowledge that you weren’t exactly treated wonderfully there unless you were obviously Polish. Sounds like a bit of a strange business strategy, but I suppose the free market can always use innovation, no matter how small or eccentric. Elderblood hails from Ukraine, but judging by how they sound on their second full-length Messiah, they could waltz right into that deli and get lavished with attention and sausages.” Raining Sausage!!

Whispered – Metsutan: Songs of the Void Review

Whispered – Metsutan: Songs of the Void Review

“Remember when Tom Cruise got cast as The Last Samurai in 2003? Some people on the Internet really do, and take time out of what must be a rich and fulfilling life to vomit up prose so salty it gives Dutch licorice a run for its money. Naturally it’s made into a sociopolitical issue, but I’m going to leave that alone because I’m not a fifth-rate hack who feels compelled to use the metal blog I write for as a soapbox to spew typo-laden opinions on contemporary politics and the like. Anyway, Mr. Cruise remained The Last Samurai for about a year, because in 2004 Finnish Samurai metal band Whispered came into existence.” Eat it, Tommy!

Enthean – Priests of Annihilation Review

Enthean – Priests of Annihilation Review

“Instead of my usual modus operandi of writing something about food and/or beer and relating it to the band and/or record in question, I’m switching things up a bit and kicking this off with mentioning my biggest issue with American melodic black-ish/death-ish crew Enthean’s new full-length Priests of Annihilation. Writing this review, I kept coming back to G.K. Chesterson’s idea that we don’t have a lack of wonders, but a lack of wonder. This record, as I see it, is a reflection of that.” Is technicality the enemy of wonder?

Coffin Lust – Manifestation of Inner Darkness Review

Coffin Lust – Manifestation of Inner Darkness Review

“Before diving into the death metal that obviously flies under a banner like Coffin Lust, let’s briefly talk Cinderella. Whether or not you’ve had the feeling of being utterly awestruck by a woman to the point where you’d be willing to run around like a lunatic with a shoe for an hour and change trying to get her name and number the day after, I’m sure the sentiment is appreciated. With music you can have a corresponding experience, hearing a song that makes a huge impression that forces you to seek it out, along with the record it came from.” If the shoe fits, hammer smash it!