“With the dawn of a new year and all the changes that come with it, sometimes it’s good to keep in mind the things that stay the same. That is: Judge Judy will always provide excellent daytime television. The “cockroach mosh” video will never not be funny. And Hells Headbangers will continue to deliver a seemingly endless supply of barbaric extreme metal pulled from countries I’m only familiar with thanks to National Geographic.” Mysterious and riffy.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I really don’t need originality in my music. Take last month’s Necroblood album. Though it hardly did anything groundbreaking, that record gave me all the Satan, blastbeats, and atom-bomb riffing I could ask for.” Can Possession provide maximum Satan?
“The pulsating surge of the retro wave has turned music reviewing into what’s essentially the Antiques Roadshow. We listen like the appraiser examines a piece, looking for authenticity, craftsmanship, and the overall condition of the music. We then describe our findings and you lovely folks read about them, some of you coming here every day, some once a week, and some seduced now and again by the masterful and sultry click-baiting some of us excel at.” Just look at that veneer!
“It’s no big revelation to state that music doesn’t exist in a vacuum, so in the spirit of spicing things up and non-sequitur literary devices, let’s talk hamburgers.” Hope you like yours dead, blackened and from the 80s or you’re going to leave hungry.
Alright, we’ve been out a while and need to maintain a strict publishing schedule, which means I’m going to nail some quick hits to the wall and then you’re not going to get to hear much more about these records.
