As all of you know, I’ve been scarce around here at AngryMetalGuy.com, a site that is named after me. I don’t need to reiterate my long, storied history of carrying this website upon my shoulders: the ways that I have fought against a music industry that hates independent thought; the hours that I have spent organizing promos, editing reviews, and ignoring emails from n00bs who I stopped responding to. Without me there is no AngryMetalGuy.com and without AngryMetalGuy.com there is no me. But of late, a thing has been bothering me and making it hard for me to engage in this website with the passion it deserves. Well, more accurate, several things have been bothering me and I need to get them off my chest. But let me start with my big announcement.
As a celebration of 10 years of Angry Metal Guy in 2019, I am firing all of the writers and staff except Steel Druhm, Huck n’ Roll (and he’s on notice for voting for Aver in the records o’ the month in January), and will be imminently rehiring Swordborn. These changes are due to the fact that we will be exclusively covering progressive and power metal effective immediately. Now, I know, this might seem extreme, but I have several reasons for this decision and they are all excellent. More importantly, they will help me reignite my passion for being Angry Metal Guy.
- Everyone But Me Is Wrong. First, and most importantly, I am the standard by which all should be judged—this is why I started a blog—and that means I cannot have reviews on this website that I don’t agree with. I’m going to have to be honest with you: I abhor the taste that this swamp of mediocrity has foisted upon the metal community. I have allowed an ongoing disservice to be done to our readership; between gushing praise for bands with singers that cannot sing, records that do not contain songs, and albums that do not contain any semblance of melody, and a string of nostalgiacore bands rehashing scenes that were innovative and interesting decades ago. You have simply been forced to put up with a set of inferior minds with inferior tastes foisting inferior records upon you. No more.
- I’m Bored. Also, extreme metal is a pit of ordinariness and repetition in 2019. There are so few bands doing anything interesting outside of the realms of the progressive and power territory. This has been true for a while and if I have to sit through another Entombed clone or edit another review that praises a band for sounding like an album that is literally fifty years old in 2020, I am going to flip my fucking lid. How many more bands playing music that was revolutionary in 1994 do we need? How many times can we write the words “buzzsaw guitar tone” or “brutal” or “raw,” “true,” or “kvlt” and still take ourselves seriously? Who isn’t bored to tears right now? Woof.
- I Am Sick of Doing Forensic Investigations into Bands’ Political Views. In addition to the fact that I am bored and angry with the fact that all the writers we hired have terrible opinions, I am sick and fucking tired of investigating bands I listen to. Especially black metal has been a mire of crap 15+ years and even my personal favorite black metal of all time got banned from Germany for going onstage with a fucking Swastiska on his chest. More importantly though, every time we get new black metal albums we have to look up their label, Google “_Band_ not a fan of jews?” and cross our fingers that someone hasn’t done an exposé on their background connections to the white power scene or that they’re writing lyrics about exterminating Jews.
What, then, is the solution? Well, I’ve already told you. As of today, I’m firing everyone but the few people who love prog and power as much as I do and we’re simply doing away with our coverage of extreme metal. I’m old, I’m cranky, I’m busy, and I don’t have time for this shit anymore. This solves my issues: first, by keeping only writers with good taste, I can comfortably let other people write; second, by reviewing only prog and power, we will naturally be reviewing things that aren’t boring. And we can get deep into the weeds in these underrated genres. I have already started my Jethro Tull retrospective post, and we’ll be doing a big piece on the bands that got better when they stopped playing extreme metal like Sentenced, Katatonia, The Gathering, Theatre of Tragedy and, of course, Opeth. Furthermore, we’ll have interviews, concert reviews—you’ll get the first one today—and as a tribute to one of the very best progressive albums of all time, we will put the Record o’ the Year cover from 2017’s amazing In the Passing Light of Day as our wallpaper.
Finally, by only reviewing prog and power we just don’t have to worry about the politics. The most controversial political opinion held by the guys in Dream Theater is that they aren’t sure whether tax credits are the best way to administer government help (I get the feeling that Petrucci is a fan of universal programs, rather than means-testing). Rather than getting accused of “virtue signaling” by douchebags in the comments section, we’ll be having a conversation about the riffs for real! Basically, everyone wins.
I don’t know about you, but I’m really looking forward to this new era of Angry Metal Guy. I’ve finally embraced my natural superiority and the fact that I am getting old. And the best part about getting old—as my mother always says—is realizing that you don’t have to give a fuck about what anyone else thinks. And you know what? I really, really don’t. That’s why I started AMG in the first place, because I have important opinions that need to be communicated to you, the sheeple. I hate sludge, I am bored to tears with death metal, sick to death of investigating the Nazi sentiments of black metal bands, and if it ain’t progressive and/or about fantasy creatures, I just don’t want to deal with it anymore.
Happy ten fucking years.