Angry Metal Mail

We don’t get a ton of hate mail. Because we have a good system for commenting, most of the venting, whining, and misdirected anger at childhood traumas and inability to perform in bed gets left in our comment boxes where we can respond to the person directly or where others can respond (with public shaming). But every once in a while we get hate mail, and I thought I’d post this one because the pussy who sent it to me decided to air his poor taste only privately and anonymously. Well, we here at Angry Metal Guy brook no such behavior. If you’re going to be a moron, you get to do it in public.

Name: Your True Father [Note fake nameAMG]
Email: [email protected] [Note, no way to respondAMG]
Website: [Note lack of website AMG]
Comment: AMG,

I know you have the best of intentions and probably think that you know A LOT about music.
But I have to know, what makes you an expert on the matter?
Are you even a musician?
I can’t help but think, “this guy really has NO credentials,” while reading your reviews.
Are you some failed musician turned critic?
A band like Epica deserves at least 4.0/5 rating!
You could never accomplish what they have been able to do in 10 short years. Artistically or commercially.
All of your reviews are so subjective and littered with insight on your own lack of experience in creating commercial art … and understanding of the world around you.

Anyways, I know you are probably not a bad guy … just clueless.

All the best,
D [Note size of testiclesAMG]

Time: Wednesday July 25, 2012 at 8:35 pm
IP Address: [Note IP addressAMG]
Contact Form URL:
Sent by an unverified visitor to your site.

So, the best part of this is how he asks me about 10 questions and then doesn’t give me any way to respond to his accusations. But I want you to just take a second to think about what he’s saying. Well, the standard “Your reviews are subjective” bullshit and the “monetary success or popularity equals talent” fallacy notwithstanding he’s saying: “You don’t like Epica. You, therefore, are uncredentialed.” Aside from the laughable aspect of this (the fact that Epica isn’t great and regardless of how “competent” they are as group of musicians their music has just gotten worse and worse with their traipsing into lyrics that make Steve Harris look like a Nobel laureate in poetry and that this is why I am stupid), I just want you all to take a look at what a big, tough man this guy is. How smart, impressive, knowledgable and worthwhile he is. It takes big, tough übermenschen to write these kinds of letters.

I stand in awe of being called clueless by an Epica fan because I gave their record a 3.5 instead of a 4.

An anonymous Epica fan at that.


Oh, and I take that score back. That record hasn’t aged well.

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