GardensTale

Will be destroying crappy nu-metal and praising crappy prog until the sky dies.
The Great Discord – The Rabbit Hole Review

The Great Discord – The Rabbit Hole Review

“A few weeks ago, I described the latest Arch Enemy album as the bad kind of pop metal: too slick, too loud, too focused on choruses and too conscious about image. But there’s a different, less negative definition possible of pop metal: not afraid of loading the songs with easily digestible hooks, catchy melodies, EDM influences, simplistic structure and a focus on vocals. It’s daring, because it seems to aim at a gap between fandoms: too slick and not challenging enough for metalheads, but too heavy for the mainstream.” Pop goes the minstrel.

Ufomammut – 8 Review

Ufomammut – 8 Review

“Stoner doom seems such an easy genre to play. Write every kickass riff you can think of, play them slow and heavy, and you’re most of the way there. Yet many struggle with the cyclopean task of keeping their bundle of riffs interesting for 45 (or 75) minutes. Ufomammut is not one of them, however.” Putting the “uf” in Ufomammut.

Arch Enemy – Will to Power Review

Arch Enemy – Will to Power Review

“It’s a ritual most metalheads born in the 80’s have participated in. At some point, that guy who got into metal a few months before you did comes up to you, brandishing a discman, and says: “You gotta hear this, there’s a band with a chick who can growl!” In 10% of the cases, he’d have Kittie or Otep with him, but most of the time he’d be talking about Arch Enemy, the melodic death metal band whose primary distinguishing feature is having a chick who can growl.” Growlers, man.

Subterranean Masquerade – Vagabond Review

Subterranean Masquerade – Vagabond Review

“Twelve years down the road from the debut, Subterranean Masquerade no longer sounds the same. The psychedelic has lost ground to the Oriental, and the introduction of Green Carnation vocalist Kjetil Nordhus has brought influences from his main gig into the songwriting. The subtle madness and looming shadow have made way for a scene of sunlit clay houses in a strange, vaguely Middle-Eastern land.” The mind of an artist is murky and mysterious.

Septicflesh – Codex Omega Review

Septicflesh – Codex Omega Review

“Something evil stirs beneath the Akropolis. Runes begin glowing red in the deep tunnels beneath the temple. Animals scatter in panic as drums rise from the depths. Vendors in Anafiotika pray to their respective gods, but find no respite in faith, as the ground begins to shake and crack. The reason for this unholy display? Septicflesh are back with another fat slab of orchestral death!” Night on Septic Mountain.

The Quill – Born From Fire Review

The Quill – Born From Fire Review

“Seeing the number of debuts and sophomore albums in our promo bin can be a little depressing. It seems to suggest most bands don’t last beyond the early stages. Maybe these young bands are ripped apart over squabbles about the musical direction, or bickering over how to divide the piles of money and groupies, or simply life happening and leaving no room for 9 months of touring per year. Not so for The Quill, a Swedish ‘heavy rock’ group that has been active since 1990 and now have Born From Fire, their 8th album, loaded into the trebuchet.” Flowing prose or writer’s block?

Canyon of the Skull – The Desert Winter Review

Canyon of the Skull – The Desert Winter Review

“I might have a minor masochistic streak when it comes to reviews. Sure, much of my rapidly developing reputation for reviewing dreck (see: Akoma, Invidia, Insatia, Blind Seer) arose from sheer bad luck on blind promo selection. But why else would I stand up and say “I’ll take the ring to Mordor” when Steel mockingly requested volunteers to review a 37-minute, self-released(!), sophomore(!!), single-track(!!!), instrumental(!!!!) doom metal album?” Snakebit.

Bloodnut – St. Ranga Review

Bloodnut – St. Ranga Review

“As so many bands take themselves too seriously, it hurt a little more than usual to gingerly let B;ppdmit down and mark their score in the red. It must have put some fire in their gut, because the boys are back to bring peace and justice to Gingers, in less time than it takes Jari Mäenpää to make a sandwich.” Apes be escaping.