Happy Metal Guy

Happy Metal Guy Comments: On The Carry-Over Effects in Music-Reviewing And Other Scientific Mumbo-Jumbo

Happy Metal Guy Comments: On The Carry-Over Effects in Music-Reviewing And Other Scientific Mumbo-Jumbo

“I guess you could say this is Happy Metal Guy’s version of Angry Metal Guy’s well-known article on objectivity mixed with Steel Druhm’s rant about the trials of a music reviewer. In research methodology, there is a phenomenon called “carry-over effects”. This refers to the problem of a previous experimental treatment’s effects on research subjects carrying over to the next experiment the subjects are participating in, which is likely to confound the results of that experiment.” In one of the strangest posts ever at AMG, Happy Metal Guy dons a lab coat and attempts to redefine the ongoing struggle for reviewer objectivity through the prism of science, scientology, phrenology, eugenics and other illegal human experimentation. In short, he aims to blind us all…with (junk) SCIENCE!

White Wizzard – The Devil’s Cut Review

White Wizzard – The Devil’s Cut Review

“Everything about this record is perfect. From the wacky, bright, colorful and sharp-looking album artwork to the catchy operatic singing, Los Angeles band White Wizzard makes sure that every detail not only pays homage to traditional heavy metal, but is also (more importantly) given a modern touch as well. The musical similarities to earlier heavy metal bands (especially Judas Priest and Iron Maiden) can definitely be heard [O RLY? – AMG]. But the music sounds a little too modern to be considered ‘traditional heavy metal.'” Whenever the word ‘perfect’ starts getting tossed around the AMG office, the staff gets mighty nervous. Happy Metal Guy always gives us trouble, but now the psychotic horse is fully out of the burning stable and White Wizzard is to blame. Oh, the huge manatee!!

Heartless – Certain Death Review

Heartless – Certain Death Review

“This hardcore punk band is right. Death is the horizon beyond which one cannot see, but the Heidegger-ish album title would be more impactful if the song lyrics actually related to the German existentialist’s philosophy.You see, this Pittsburgh group has lyrics dripping with the stale venom of bitter angst, which seems to be directed at society. (What’s new, right?) But Happy Metal Guy isn’t too sure about that, because the lyrics are too cryptic for anyone’s good. If you want your audience to attempt to understand your point of view, at least string together a bunch of more coherent phrases.” Happy Metal Guy is fine with German existentialism, providing you don’t screw him over with shitty lyrics. The man has standards after all!

Iron Tongue – The Dogs Have Barked, The Birds Have Flown Review

Iron Tongue – The Dogs Have Barked, The Birds Have Flown Review

“It’s unusual to see a Southern metal band opting for comic-style album artwork, one typically expects to see John Baizley’s surreal, exotic and naked-women-filled art gracing the cover. However, the music on this record is anything but comical; this Arkansas sextet means (retro) business.” Happy Metal Guy talks on the merits of prescription drugs, dope, sludge and rehab and he manages to fit in a review of Iron Tongue‘s The Dogs Have Barked, The Birds Have Flown!

Pessimist – Death from Above Review

Pessimist – Death from Above Review

“The artwork is so typical and the title, silly and banal as hell. Even a cursory glance at the pointy band logo should immediately hint at which metal sub-genre this band belongs to, but hang on for a second and hold back that derisive snort…” Oh no!? What’s Happy Metal Guy going to say? The suspense has got to be killing you…

Csejthe – Réminiscence Review

Csejthe – Réminiscence Review

“It’s raining frequently these days in the part of the world Happy Metal Guy resides in, and Csejthe’s (definitely pronounced: See-ass-e-jay-tee-hage-e) sophomore album is a timely soundtrack to the weather’s moodiness. It’s a different case from the review of another rainy black metal record in April last year. This one actually makes you want to stay warm and dry indoors while listening to it instead of stomping outside in frustration to get cold and drenched in the heavy rain.” Happy Metal Guy examines some rainy black metal and goes into some weird kind of screenwriting mode. I honestly don’t know what else to say.

The Moth Gatherer – A Bright Celestial Light Review

The Moth Gatherer – A Bright Celestial Light Review

“The guitarist plays his guitar while high on meth-infused beer, plugging the guitar cable into a meth-powered amplifier and stomps on the pedal incessantly with the enthusiasm of a little kid playing Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade. The drummer prefers rhythmic consistency to speed; the bassist wears an invisibility cloak even as he hits low notes that causes window panes to reverberate, giving away his presence; the vocalist sings about life’s saddest moments (boo-hoo v.v). Finally, there are also calm, acoustic interludes that serve as breaks between heavy passages.”

Neaera – Ours Is the Storm Review

Neaera – Ours Is the Storm Review

“If you mow the lawn to Heaven Shall Burn like Happy Metal Guy—which is supposed to be a good thing—you would kinda do the job almost as well with Neaera. Ours Is the Storm is this band’s sixth studio album and it serves as nice filler for HSB fans to feast on until the next HSB album drops like a giant pile of bird poop all over the world from mid to late April (← also supposed to be a good thing).” Happy Metal Guy steps in to tell you all about the new Neaera record. Now with proper capitalization!

Yayla – Nihaihayat Review

Yayla – Nihaihayat Review

“Yay! Lament all you want, but your pricey earphones are going to be under-utilized by yet another primitive-sounding, one-man black metal project (why the heaven do these anti-social cavemen never go away? [Because FUCK YOU that’s why! – AMG]). Happy Metal Guy loves seeing people’s expensive listening gear go to waste on these pesky black metal records, but due to his nonexistent contract with Angry Metal Guy, he’s not really obliged to provide some kind of justification for why people ought to avoid this record.” By giving away that he already hates this record Happy Metal Guy has killed any possible suspense we could have built by blurbing him. I guess the best part of all of this was finding out that there’s a record company called Merdumgiriz Productions. Say that one five times fast.

Suffocation – Pinnacle of Bedlam Review

Suffocation – Pinnacle of Bedlam Review

New York brutal death metal pioneers, Suffocation, have never sounded better. Even though their seventh studio album, Pinnacle of Bedlam, is the first without longtime drummer Mike Smith, the music’s percussive section has not lost its technical edge. Dave Culross—whose drumming last appeared on Suffocation’s 1998 EP, Despise the Sun—fulfills his role as the band’s blast-beating machine well. From the opening burst of percussive gunfire in opening track, “Cycles of Suffering”; to the sluggish, cymbals-heavy drumming heard in tenth and final track, “Beginning of Sorrow”; Culross displays an aptitude for adjusting the knob on the tempometer as and when appropriate. Still, there is not much creativity when it comes to filling in the aural blanks between both tracks, as Culross predictably serves up a plethora of blast beats. But hey, this is Suffocation. Expecting their drummer to do anything else but that is like expecting Crucio Siege Tanks to remain in tank mode while defending Terran bases [It’s like he’s speaking KlingonSteel Druhm].