“So, do you know anything about techno? What you’re about to read is a review of an album as far removed from metal as anything that ever appeared on Angry Metal Guy. There are only two, minor and farfetched at that, connections between Finland’s Tähtiportti and metal.” Admit it, you like techno. Bats and ants and bats and ants!
“I must have had the phrase “Every Good Boy Deserves Fudge” drilled into my head by every music teacher imaginable. Everybody practices chords and scales repeatedly, right? Riffs? Solos? You have to in order to succeed in anything. Well, how about songs? Japan’s newest export in industrialized noise metal, Legion of Andromeda, have set out to challenge your notions of what noise and repetition can create via their debut, Iron Scorn.” And who doesn’t like fudge?
“Winter is being a Mr. Cold Miser and evenings like these cry out for a glowing fire, the dark notes of a glass of Malbec and some post-metal meandering gloom which, as luck has it, is Norwegian based Kraków’s claim to fame.” Cold and snow may be new to Madam X, but not post-metal. Or wine!
“How often do you think of an instrumental band that substitutes that wishful vocalist with the swooning leads of a viola? My guess is never. You never think of that. Well, the masterminds behind Sans Soleil thought about it for you.” My mom always says “if you have a viola, you have everything.”
“Electric Wizard suffers from a curse that afflicts any band fortunate to have an album deemed a “classic” in its catalog. These Dorset natives happen to have two: their second and third records Come, My Fanatics… and Dopethrone remain genre-defining records within the doom metal subgenre, spawning more than a couple imitators and rightfully earning them the cheeky title of “The Heaviest Band in the Universe.” I think it’s fair to say that Electric Wizard knocked it far out of the park with those records, and the problem is always rooted in following up.” The lords of dope doom have returned for their dopethrone.
“Wait, wait, Earth? Dylan Carlson’s music child that went from pioneering drone doom to dabbling in experimental psychedelic-country-drone-whatnot? How long has it been since they released anything even remotely attached to metal? Nine years, eighteen years? Surely this review has no place here. This is, after all, Angry METAL Guy: trve, kvlt, ov the underground and all that.” Are you shocked to see an Earth review here? We are too.
