“This is my twentieth review for AMG. In honor of such a fine achievement, the nobility at AMG World Headquarters have bestowed upon me a fine destrier, so I can prance through the office valiantly proclaiming my fealty. Well, not really, but I was given the newest output from power-metal wannabes Hammer King, King is Rising. Which, if played loud enough, is practically the same thing.” The Hammer King has a skull tank.
“In the rich annals of metal bands crossing over into unintentional parody, Sacred Steel looms large. The perpetually over-the-top cheese fueled trve metal warriors led by “unorthodox” vocalist Gerrit P. Mutz have been pounding on the doors of the Great Hall ov Great Metal demanding entrance since 1997 only to be met with a shrug and a “No Solicitation” sign. But ignore them at your peril, for they’re as relentless as they are comical.” In trvth there is pain.
“I wanted to get this review up much sooner but life happened, and though it’s several weeks tardy, Beyond the Veil, Dark Forest’s fourth album, definitely deserves a spotlight shone upon it. All the more so considering we whiffed on reviewing their excellent 2014 release, The Awakening. These English chaps play folksy power metal with a butt-ton ton of traditional and NWoBHM influences, often sounding like a fusion of Iron Maiden, Kamelot and Skyclad.” Go get Ent!
“Have you ever wondered what Lanfear would sound like if they played old-school thrash metal? How about if Atlantean Kodex had listened more to Exodus than Epicus Doomicus Metallicus? If you said yes to both those questions, then you are Steel Druhm and I claim my five pounds.” Re-thrash makes people wonder about many things.
“One look at that cover and you knew I’d be the chosen one to review it, didn’t you? And rightly so, as Ravensire has an imposing Throne of Usurpation built directly on the epicenter of my metallic wheelhouse. They rock a burly form of trve metal similar to Visigoth and Ironsword, and since that means Conan-core, you can expect much Cirith Ungol worshiping, Manowar loin clothing and Manilla Road raging.” If you’re bored, reforge the sword!
“Darkest Era came out of left field in 2014 with a righteous album that stormed my playlists and ultimately became my Album o’ the Year. Their blend of Celtic folk, black and epic metal left me highly impressed and wanting much more. While another full-length is a ways off, they’re dropping a two-song limited edition vinyl EP titled Gods and Origins.” What’s this, an early stocking stuffer?
“When nearly half of your band includes key Svarttjern black metal misanthropes, a marriage of Pagan Altar and King Diamond’s heavy metal Mercyful Fate-alism is not what you expect to burst forth from your speakers. And yet it does.” In the Olde School you still need chalk and fountain pens.
“When perusing the AMG Upcoming Crap We Need to Review List™ of new releases, it’s easy to judge bands based on their names. King Heavy and their self-titled debut album apparently fell into the doom metal category, and I immediately made the connection with King Giant’s recent release – the two similarly titled bands within the same genre would surely broadly equate and offer a convenient comparative review?” Nothing is as it seems on the Crap List.
“They say don’t judge a book by its cover. But when its cover fuses the great sphinx and pyramids from Powerslave with the red sky and robots from Somewhere in Time, you can’t help but jump to conclusions.” I for one have been waiting for a Powerslave in Time album.
“If you were following the American metal scene from 1995 through 2001, you know there was a point in time where Steel Prophet seemed poised to conquer the metal world. With their prodigious productivity and an excellent run of releases including classics like The Goddess Principle, Messiah and Book of the Dead, they were often mentioned in the same breath as Iced Earth as the pinnacle of American power/traditional metal and everything was coming up black roses. Then came fractious internal struggles, revolving door line ups and a series of uninspired albums and just like that, they dropped out of the public consciousness, all their hard work seemingly undone. Now, ten years after their last album, they’re back to try to regain some of what they lost with Omniscient.” Steel Druhm wasn’t expecting this and didn’t expect much of it, but can it impress a bitter, jilted fanboy?
