“The Norwegians’ 2015 masterclass Unplugged earned every bit of praise it received as it ruined thousands of scoliosis patients’ dreams of reaching the top shelf. I’ll say it up front: fourth record Agronomicon doesn’t top it, doesn’t even try. But don’t you dare to call it inferior; if anything, Agronomicon testifies to Beaten to Death’s staying power as a force in the grind scene.” The list beating goes on and on.
“Beaten to Death: standard grindcore band name, anything but a standard grindcore band. Featuring ex-She Said Destroy vocalist Anders Bakke, ex-The Cumshots guitarist Tommy Hjelm, and Tsjuder drummer Christian “Bartender” (aka AntiChristian aka Jorn’s drummer since 2014, so you know he’s epic), Beaten to Death formed in 2010 and wasted no time putting out their first record Xes and Strokes just a year later. I missed this at the time because I am a tool, but fortunately Angry Metal Guy (or rather Jordan Campbell) was on hand to enlighten me come 2013 and the release of the band’s sophomore Dødsfest!” Relax, this isn’t really unplugged.
“A few years ago, his majesty Steel Druhm reviewed Insense’s, Burn in Beautiful Fire, and hated the shit out of it, incensing many a fanboy. It was, according to him, “third-rate metalcore with all the emo/screamo pap that goes along with that craptastic style”, and by the end of the review he was ready to build a church out of copies of the album just to trick Varg Vikernes into beautifully turning them all to ash. Naturally, Steel never wants to hear a single chug out of these Norwegians again, so the task of reviewing De:Evolution has plummeted down the totem pole into my hopeful hands. “Hooray!” comes the cry of the fans, “Surely this new reviewer will bring justice to our beloved Insense, and right the wrongs of that petulant website which we shall not name.” Or will he…?” Judgment awaits!
“Extreme metal has a problem: It’s aggressively conservative. For a culture that’s supposed to be about pushing forward – physically, intellectually, musically – it too often circles back into itself. The supposed outsiders and iconoclasts that comprise the metal scene rabidly pounce on opportunities to become insiders and conformists. Wanna write about metal? Rub the right elbows and suck ass for “access.” Wanna proclaim your allegiance to poseur-crushing death metal? Join a club. Wanna start a band? Grab a template and start building your box from the inside out. Ah, you want to go for the gusto, don’t you? You want to start a band. Good for you. Now: What kind of metal do you want to play? Thrash metal? Death metal? Black metal? Because there are rules, kid. You need to tweak your tone. Bolster your BPM. Hire the right artist. Wear the right t-shirts. You need to minimize risk. Unless you were born with gigantic balls. And you’re Beaten To Death.” Got an appetite for risk defying grind? Follow Jordan Campbell to the promised land.
