“Remember that scene in Ghostbusters (the real Ghostbusters…) where Winston tells Ray, ‘If someone asks you if you are a god, you say yes!’ Well, if someone asks you if you want to write a guide for teaching organic chemistry, you say hellafuckingno. I’m serious. Do yourself, and everyone around you, a favor. So, yeah, this year’s been nuts. Thankfully, there’s Angry Metal Guy—a solace for all metalheads to come together and be verbally abused and cat-tailed in the company basement.” Cat’s got yer list.
Lists
El Cuervo and Diabolus in Muzaka’s Top Ten(ish) of 2017
“Making a successful and popular Top Ten list involves a series of complex calculations, comprised of, but not limited to the following: a tallying of recorded scores, estimated scene cred, a precise proportion of big and underground bands, a spot for that one record universally praised during the year, and a pathological need to seem like one has not missed anything.” Making a list, checking it thrice.
Dr Wvrm and Eldritch Elitist’s Top Ten(ish) of 2017
“Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, children of all ages: Jørn proudly brings to you the hall door swingin’, poser metal slingin’, the not brvtal enough, not even once, the Great Old Weenie, Eldritch Elitist, the Basic Bitch, Dr. Wvrm, the Shame of Angry Metal Guy.” Yeah, that’s about right.
Angry Metal-Fi: The Best and Worst Sounding Albums of 2016
“Angry Metal-Fi is a series of articles that are cross posted on Angry Metal Guy and Metal-Fi as a collaborative effort to evangelize dynamics in metal.” Who sounded the best and worst in 2016? Dynamic judgment is the new order!
Steel Druhm’s Top Ten(ish) of 2016
“Well, it looks like we made it to the end of another year of music, mayhem and interweb tomfoolery! And while 2016 kicked most of our asses in unpleasant ways, it was an outstanding year for metal music. In fact, I think it was the best overall since I joined the AMG meat grinder way back in 2010.” Don’t shoot the messenger gorilla.
Madam X’s Least Disliked Ten(ish) of 2016
“As the year winds to a close I find myself reflecting on what this year has been for me musically, and I have to say, unlike other reviewers on the site, I’ve found it extremely difficult to doll out any significantly high scores. This has led me to just one conclusion, Madam X’s Top Ten(ish) of 2016, shall instead be titled Madam X’s Least Disliked Ten(ish) of 2016.” There is no X in team.
Dr. Fisting’s Top Ten(ish) of 2016
“Scientists all agree that 2016 is the worst year of anyone’s life who has ever lived, including mine. We lost a lot of musical heroes this year (both metal and otherwise), and the current political climate has brought unprecedented levels of stupidity to my doorstep. Worse yet, I am often surrounded by terrible music made by dickheads.” Read this and don’t be a dickhead.
Kronos’ Top Ten(ish) of 2016
“This being a Kronos feature, I must first launch into a brief and hateful tirade against an absurd and laughably incompetent enemy. Towards that end, I’d like to alert an Angry Metal Guy staffer that we are now officially beefin’. And that staffer is… 2015 Kronos.” War inside his head.
Grymm’s Top Ten(ish) of 2016
“I’ve been hitting the backspace key a lot as I’m writing my Top Ten(ish). Not because of a lack of anything witty to say, or a sheepishness of my selections. No, rather it’s because I’m of two minds as I type this.” Two minds, but only one weighty list!
Dr. A.N. Grier and El Cuervo’s Top Ten(ish) of 2016
When Doctor Grier and El Cuervo get together, the hobo wine and illogical selections run like an ever-flowing stream. Ride the tide of opinion!