2017

Diablo Swing Orchestra – Pacifisticuffs Review

Diablo Swing Orchestra – Pacifisticuffs Review

“Back in ’12—when I was wearing an onion on my belt, as that was the fashion at the time—I encountered Diablo Swing Orchestra for the first time. These Swedish purveyors of the abstract and absurdly catchy had composed an album entitled Pandora’s Piñata that I downright loved. DSO went into hibernation after PP and resurfaced again with the news that their long-time vocalist AnnLouice Lögdlund was leaving the band. Lögdlund’s considerable lung capacity was replaced with Kristen Evegård, but unlike other band breakups when you lose a vocalist, DSO kept most of the rest of the band in place and produced a new album. 2017’s newest record is the wittily entitled Pacifisticuffs, which coming from Swedes is a great way of describing what appears to be the Swedish cultural state of nature.” Conscientious objections.

Pristine – Ninja [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

Pristine – Ninja [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

“It might not have been the best year for male vocalists, but the women in metal more than made up for it. Stellar performances from bands as varied as Royal Thunder, Sabbath Assembly, Chelsea Wolfe, Myrkur, and Diablo Swing Orchestra showed us that the women can bring it. But the best performance of the year came from a band whose album flew under our radar back in June, Pristine, and their fourth album, Ninja.” Women to the front!

Slaughterer – Conjurer of Realities [Things You Might Have Missed 2017)

Slaughterer – Conjurer of Realities [Things You Might Have Missed 2017)

“Despite being a huge fan of death-thrash, I wind up feeling and sounding more like a curmudgeonly Goldilocks when I write about the stuff. It’s not fast enough, it’s not thrashy enough, it’s not death-y enough, there aren’t enough of those devastating Slayer-style slowdowns, and on and on ad infinitum. Naturally, I began to worry: was it me? Have I outgrown death-thrash?” No one outgrows death-thrash until death.

Lucid Dreaming – The Chronicles Pt. II Review

Lucid Dreaming – The Chronicles Pt. II Review

“2013 saw the release of one of the most unique power metal albums that I’d ever heard. Till Oberboßel (Elvenpath) and his host of guests constitute the conceptual studio project known as Lucid Dreaming, which is based very faithfully on Lloyd Alexander’s The Chronicles Of Prydain, a rather idyllic young adult coming-of-age saga inspired by Welsh mythology.” Puberty metal.

Satan’s Hallow – Satan’s Hallow [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

Satan’s Hallow – Satan’s Hallow [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

“While there’s no arguing that the terms “retro” and “revivalist” are absolutely appropriate when describing certain acts, they tend to feel a little reductive to me, diminishing a band’s efforts as little more than a novelty. Sometimes facts are facts, however, and Chicago’s Satan’s Hallow are undoubtedly retro yet unequivocally awesome, having dropped the best classic metal record of the year.” Let’s go down to the Metal Revival and find ourselves religion.

Scars of Armageddon – Dead End Review

Scars of Armageddon – Dead End Review

Scars of Armageddon has an interesting fusion of sounds to its credit. The band’s style of power metal straddles the line between USPM and Euro-power, with occasional blips of melodic death metal influence, particularly in the rhythm section. All of this, along with a lack of keys, gives them a Germanic cant.” Chicks dig scars, but power metal? Not so much.

Dvne – Asheran [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

Dvne – Asheran [Things You Might Have Missed 2017]

“Flow. Like love, it’s a word that’s difficult to describe, but you know it when you experience it. It’s the feeling of losing yourself in a task or a game, becoming one with the activity, balancing perfectly on the edge between skill and difficulty. No frustration, no boredom, and no sense of time or place. If you’ve ever found yourself looking up from an activity after ten minutes and find out three hours have passed, you’ve experienced flow.” Like an everflowing dream.

The Clearing Path – Watershed Between Firmament and the Realm of Hyperborea Review

The Clearing Path – Watershed Between Firmament and the Realm of Hyperborea Review

“When writing reviews I try to spend as much time articulating ‘why I like the thing’ as much as I do proclaiming that ‘the thing is good.’ This is strictly for the benefit of my audience; if I fail to indicate my qualifiers for good music, a reader with far-removed expectations may feel alienated or, even worse, make a blind purchase and end up wasting hard-earned Bandcamp Bucks.” Blind purchase blues.

Mistheria – Gemini Review

Mistheria – Gemini Review

“If only it were that simple. Completely instrumental albums are more difficult to write, I think because we are automatically drawn to voices. Without a vocalist, the tracks must be carefully composed to guide the listener’s attention and keep a sense of structural flow and integrity. Gemini is not carefully composed. Gemini doesn’t have flow and barely any structure. Rather, Gemini is a group of very talented musicians wanking onto a biscuit and hoping you’ll eat it.” Don’t eat the buttermilked biscuits.