Record reviews
“With none but Woodfall’s Raphael Weinroth-Browne on cello and Heather Sita Black singing, The Visit’s debut album, Through Darkness Into Light, seems an unlikely candidate for Angry Metal Guy. Classical chamber music is stylistically about as far as one can venture from bombastic metal sub-genres such as power.” Prepare to get some class in your crude lives, you philistines.
“I have a penchant for picking bands based on their names alone lately. For the most part, doing so has yielded some pretty damn good results. So when the Grymm Grab Bag™ belched forth The Camel, The Lion, The Child, the debut full-length from Seattle’s He Whose Ox Is Gored, you can say that I was a bit nervous. Long band name? Check. Nietzsche-inspired album title? Check. The sound labeled as “progressive doom”? Check.” Progressive doom is progressive… and doomy.
“While other bands focus on heavy hits and constant pummeling, Gorod have made themselves the Muhammad Ali of death metal: light on their feet and surgically precise, and incredibly fun to bear witness to.” But will this be a Thrilla in Manilla or fall flat on its face? Anything can happen in a fight.” Kronos vs. Tech-death. FIGHT!
“As far as metal goes, Finland is renowned for producing some of the most morose, depressing bands to ever drag themselves out of bed and into a recording studio (Children of Bodom notwithstanding). Among their ranks is the heavy and atmospheric Hanging Garden.” Sad boys are often sad.
“Well, kids, let this be a lesson to you all. Dropping clickbait jokes and fucking too much with the AMG HR department results in the dropping of various hammers. In my case, punishments manifested themselves in the form of name-calling (Steel called me a “Master Baiter”) and a metalcore promo for review.” The core will flow until you praise our new logo.
“Not many people know Costin Chioreanu musician. Most metalheads know Costin Chioreanu artist. Since the artist appears to have quite the workload, it’s not surprising that the musician is an “ex” member of most his musical endeavors. Lucky for us, the musician is back with a debut full-length filled with unsettling avant-garde black metal.” Sounds suspiciously like another strange case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde!
“As Voices guitarist Sam Loynes says “yes to anything that comes [his] way, metal or otherwise,” his growing list of projects are quite numerous. Shrines (formerly Diminished Fifth) is the third of Sam’s bands I’ve reviewed, and one I’ve been very much looking forward to listening to.” The Voices and Voices related love continues unabated.
“Imagine third-rate Slayer-worship, a guitar tone so doctored it almost resembles djent, and lyrics so mindlessly asinine and violently vacuous that they actually pain me to hear them. Throw in a faltering vocalist and unimaginative song-writing and you have The Hatred Inside. Intrigued?” Better than fourth-rate Slayer, right?
“Blackie Lawless has certainly lived an interesting life. Once the perfect target for those clucking hens in the PMRC, he embodied everything uptight suburban soccer moms hated. He looked like a glam demon, advocated the excessive use of drugs and alcohol, and his sleazy metal band wore oversized codpieces and wrote songs about fucking like a beast (I bet Tipper Gore got a secret thrill from that tune).” Vatican tested, PMRC disapproved (still).
“Back when I was a snot-nosed college senior rolling around with my windows down and blasting Black Breath’s newly released Sentenced to Life. At the time, I felt so hip for listening to this so-called “Entombedcore” right as it was catching on, when bands like All Pigs Must Die, Early Graves, and Black Breath themselves were at the forefront of a sound that combined the throat-shredding fury of mid-aughties hardcore with a guitar tone and riffing style heavily inspired by Swedish death.” Remember those carefree days of youthful metal elitism?
