Contrite Metal Guy: The Happy Metal Manifesto

The life of the unpaid, overworked metal reviewer is not an easy one. Cascading promos, unreasonable deadlines, draconian editors and the unwashed metal mobs – it makes for a swirling maelstrom of music and madness. In all that tumult, errors are bound to happen and sometimes our initial impression of an album may not be completely accurate. With time and distance comes wisdom, and so we’ve decided to pull back the confessional curtain and reveal our biggest blunders, missteps, oversights and ratings face-plants. Consider this our sincere AMGea culpa. Redemption is retroactive, forgiveness is now no longer mandatory.

Written By: Happy Metal Guy

Way Overrated!

White Wizzard - The Devil's CutThe Event That Shall Not Be Recounted—it turned my world upside down. Or rather, it transplanted me from my original world to my current world—at least according to my foggy memory. All I remember from my original world are two beings known as “AMG” and “Steel Druhm,” possibly sociopathic bipedal critters; and the fact that I once gave extraordinary praise to a collection of hymns, The Devil’s Cut, composed by White Wizzard. That memory fragment of my bestowing said extraordinary praise whips up a whirlwind of emotions in my bosom, spanning jubilation to gloom. Of late, gloom seems to be triumphing over jubilation. And I think I know why.

After being cast out of my original realm, I found myself in the turbulent realm of Sanctuary: a world embroiled in the Eternal Conflict between angelic armies and hellish hordes. Day after day, mortals such as I live by the skin of our teeth. Amongst us are aberrant mortals gifted with lethal powers who form the sole barrier between us and our supernatural foes. Electric wizzards, fire wizzards, ice wizzards… I have laid ears on them all. Wizzards of my current world are so adept at conjuring killer hymns that White Wizzard simply pales in comparison to them.

Perfection is but a shadow—within reach yet untouchable. What ever possessed me to accord that White Wizzard compendium citizenship in the dominion of shadow?

Original score: 5.0
Adjusted score: 4.0

Editor’s Note: In a rare, behind the scenes look into the world of AMG operations, we present to you the original draft of this historic retraction…HERE.

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