An Autumn for Crippled Children – Try Not to Destroy Everything You Love Review

An Autumn for Crippled Children – Try Not to Destroy Everything You Love Review

“Today on Angry Metal Guy we’re pleased to present you with some depressive, experimental doom black… wait, are those pink orchids? How adorable! It’s times like this that question whether I was destined to be a flower-arranger rather than a metal reviewer, but thanks to the adventurous forays of An Autumn for Crippled Children (AAfCC herein), I can finally embrace the idea of being both.” And on this special day of Thanksgiving, please allow Noctus to give you the gift of crippled children.

Angry Metal Guy’s Nerd Corner: Murder in Baldur’s Gate Review

Angry Metal Guy’s Nerd Corner: Murder in Baldur’s Gate Review

Gather ’round Internet travelers. Take a seat, and warm your hands by the fire. Load up that Rhapsody CD or maybe Nightfall in Middle-Earth to set the mood. In this new, but probably semi-recurring feature (unless there’s a mutiny), Angry Metal Guy will review things he thinks are awesome but that most of the world thinks are “nerdy.” Or geeky. He can never get those two straight. Anyway. The point is that he’s going to drop probably fairly infrequent reviews of random nerdy stuff that he loves because it’s his website. Or think of it like this: he’s the DM. And therefore, he can. Quit your moaning and roll initiative…

J.J. Hrubovcak – Death Metal Christmas (Hellish Renditions of Christmas Classics) Review

J.J. Hrubovcak – Death Metal Christmas (Hellish Renditions of Christmas Classics) Review

“Ho ho ho! The Christmas season is upon us, and as the holiday draws nigh, thoughts turn to chestnuts, eggnog, peace on Earth and… death metal??? Apparently Hate Eternal bassist and man of good cheer, J.J. Hrubovcak felt Trans-Siberian Orchestra weren’t stuffing enough metal in the stocking, so he decided to craft a short, vicious collection of harrowing carols.” Ready for a Slay(er) ride in the snow? You better be, because J.J. Hrubovcak and his yule tide death machine are coming to town and you’re on their naughty list!

Malthusian – MMXIII Review

Malthusian – MMXIII Review

“The foremost sin of Angry Metal Guy as a website is that Noctus gave Altar of PlaguesTeethed Glory and Injury a slightly less than perfect score. Since getting my hands on that album, I’ve been haunted by some part of it every day, whether it be the absolute devastation of “Burnt Year”, the dissonant wall of “Mills” or the wash of drum fills backed by gut-wrenching swathes of sound on “A Body Shrouded”. The album is one of few I have ever considered to be flawless, and one of the most memorable aspects of Teethed Glory and Injury is the drumming. So when I heard that after the group’s disbanding, Johnny King was drumming in Malthusian, I knew I had to check in on the budding black metallers before anyone had the chance to slightly disagree with me.” What’s this? Are Kronos and Noctus beefin?? And with the holidays just around the corner too. For shame!

Things You Might Have Missed 2013: Vhöl – Vhöl

Things You Might Have Missed 2013: Vhöl – Vhöl

“Being the jaded old fuck that I am, there are very few musicians that I go into straight-up fanboy mode for these days. One of those individuals is guitarist John Cobbett. Who, you ask? Cobbett is a member of prog sextet Hammers of Misfortune, and has done time in both Slough Feg and Ludicra, which puts him at the center of San Francisco’s present-day metal scene. When Ludicra abruptly folded after touring for 2010’s brilliant prog-black-metal opus The Tenant, I was genuinely bummed out. Lucky for me, Cobbett quickly assembled a new outlet for his heavier material, dubbed Vhöl.” Are you worried you might have missed some precious metal this year? We worry too, so we’ll start bombarding you with our selections of quality albums we didn’t get to review, but would hate to see you miss. Here, Mr. Fisting brings you the new project from the ever interesting John Cobbett. You’re welcome!

Blood Mortized – The Demon, the Angel, the Disease Review

Blood Mortized – The Demon, the Angel, the Disease Review

“No matter how over saturated or played out a musical genre may become, there are always one or two bands that can make it all vibrant, fresh and new again. Whether it’s their raw conviction, enthusiasm or killer song writing, those bands make the years melt away and remind you how it felt to hear the style for the very first time. That rush of excitement, feeling of awe and the sense of being there at the next step in metal’s evolution, that’s what it’s all about! When it comes to classic Swedish death metal, Blood Mortized is THAT band for me.” Stand back! Steel has been waiting for this one with baited breath and now he’s on it like beast at a beast emporium.

Ayreon – The Theory of Everything Review

Ayreon – The Theory of Everything Review

“Of all of Arjen Lucassen’s projects, Ayreon is his best known and my least favorite. Having previously given both The Human Equation and 01011001 a shot, Ayreon really was a nut I couldn’t crack. Partially this is because I think the rock opera genre of power/prog metal bands à la Avantasia or Timo Tolkki’s Horrible, Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Avalon tend to lack vision; but the writers also lack the kind of talent necessary that make undertakings like Jesus Christ Superstar or Little Shop of Horrors fun and interesting.” One does not simply write a 600 word review for a 90 minute concept record from Arjen Lucassen. Click to see the epic of The Theory of Everything.

Circle – Incarnation Review

Circle – Incarnation Review

“I can judge a book by its cover. And I always do it. I even take the tome in my hands and I weigh it. Yes, I weigh books and decide whether or not I should go on reading the blurb on the usually polished, sensually pleasant cover. If the words convince me and the overall product smells good, I put it back on the shelves and I resume cruising through the aisles like a junkie who has learned that the best fix comes from the filthy hands of fellow addicts. They know better. In music, I follow the same criteria. I don’t get fooled too easily by a press agent all too eager to impress someone who enjoys weighing books in shopping centers on a Tuesday morning. I mean, come on.” Alex weighs both life and literature… and music. Yes, he’s like Anubis, weighing and judging all things. And now it’s Circle’s turn to be measured.