2.0

Bornholm – Primaeval Pantheons Review

Bornholm – Primaeval Pantheons Review

“Metalheads saying “I’m a pagan” is, generally speaking, our chosen genre’s equivalent of wine-guzzling middle-aged single women who say they’re “not religious, but spiritual” during those book clubs where Eat, Pray, Love is read in perpetuity. It’s empty posturing made to make someone sound more profound and “enlightened” than they actually are. So-called pagan metal is generally melodic stuff with a lyrical eye to old folklore but, other than that, the definition doesn’t give us a whole lot to go on.” Only join Book of the Dead clubs.

Terra – Mors Secunda Review

Terra – Mors Secunda Review

“I was rooting for Terra. About two years ago when this English trio released their untitled debut, I thought the group had the potential to breathe fresh life into the so-called “Cascadian” black metal scene that had been losing steam for the past few years. Nevermind that they aren’t technically from the Pacific Northwest…” Cascading is the new voguing.

Liber Null – I – The Serpent Review

Liber Null – I – The Serpent Review

“Creativity is a fickle beast. On bright days ensconced in melodious excellence, these words bound forth like an ever-flowing stream. Others? A wall of emptiness and muted cinder blocks mortared upon dark grey concrete. We yearn for the music that evokes the former but Liber Null, unfortunately, does not. So here I sit, swilling my scotch, wondering how to convey just what about I – The Serpent fails to strike me.” Drinking scotchy scotch scotch on the job, eh? We approve.

Mortualia – Wild, Wild Misery Review

Mortualia – Wild, Wild Misery Review

“Here’s a sage piece of life advice you can have for free: always carefully check what you’ve typed into your Google search bar before hitting ‘enter.’ I recently fell foul of this little rule while researching ‘depressive suicidal black metal’ (or ‘DSBM’) for the purposes of writing this review. Unless you’re feeling particularly brave, you’ll just have to take my word for it that while DSBM and BDSM might look similar, they are definitely not the same thing. I learned this the hard way.” Are we still doing phrasing?

Hornss – Telepath Review

Hornss – Telepath Review

“You wouldn’t know it by my amazing metal cred, but I’m actually a huge nerd. And, as such, it seems to be my moral obligation to watch British sci-fi staple Doctor Who religiously. It’s a campy affair with loads of creatures and concepts that seem to have been invented by someone going “what if…“ and constructing entire episodes around that.” Destroy! Destroy!

Corona Skies – Fragments of Reality Review

Corona Skies – Fragments of Reality Review

“Having read plenty of trash masquerading as philosophy and heard plenty of nonsensical music both within and without metal, I figured I was desensitized to weird stuff. Hell, the world seems almost desensitized to weirdness; Jacques Lacan, one of the biggest dolts to ever pretend to think about stuff and write it down, posited that an erection was equal to the square root of -1 and more than zero people took him seriously.” Weird is full of surprises.

Shark Infested Daughters – These Tides, Our Tombs Review

Shark Infested Daughters – These Tides, Our Tombs Review

“It seems misogynistic violence is on trend in metalcore. Feed Her to the Sharks led the aquatic way with Zombies Ate My Girlfriend chomping in its wake, both exacting satisfying chugs and saccharine melodies unto the metal public in a reasonable throwback to the All That Remains– or Bullet For My Valentine-dominated scene from the mid-’00s. Now Shark Infested Daughters steps up to invoke unpleasant images of ravaged women with their debut, These Tides, Our Tombs.” Please don’t feed the freakin’ sharks!

T.O.M.B. – Fury Nocturnus Review

T.O.M.B. – Fury Nocturnus Review

“Makers of what they have referred to as “shadowy,” “blackened,” and “industrial” noise, T.O.M.B. ask in their own language of exploding synthesizers what would happen if, instead of making music haunted and cinematic, someone collected everything haunted and cinematic about metal and made it musical. Literally, this is a group that has crafted an entire album from samples recorded at famous insane asylums, and here on their newest release, Fury Nocturnus, they do their best to convince listeners they have found an even spookier space.” An experiment in terror?