“Civil War bears an amusingly ironic moniker as they’re made up of four fugitive members of Sabaton who fled the mother ship and essentially created Sabaton’s evil twin band. They even appropriated the exact same sound, song structure and overdone military/battle shtick before launching a struggle for Cheesy War Metal supremacy using their former act’s own sound against them.” War is hell, but people sure love writing songs about it.
“When you think about globalization, and by extension the internet, you either think of it as the bee’s knees or just another plan of the Illuminati and the Bilderberg Group to control humankind. Whichever it is, such processes are almost beyond reproach when it comes to the way they’ve exposed us to a whole new dimension of quality music from all around the Earth that would have remained “underground” and in complete anonymity 20 years ago.” And that brings us to sunny Costa Rica for some tropical tech-death.
“Billed as progressive doom metal and originating from Québec, I anticipated something both quintessentially Canadian-weird (you know what I mean) and long. But no sooner had I finished applying the gravy to my poutine and the record ended. I know that it takes me precisely 32 minutes to make poutine – what on earth is going on? A half-hour prog/doom album?” What’s this all aboot, eh?
“I was going to make some clever marijuana pun to begin – what’s an AMG review without band name-related humor? – but thought that would be too easy a swipe at such low-lying fruit. Can we all just take a moment to reflect on the ridiculousness of the name Weedeater? Done? Okay, let’s move on.” Since when did we stop picking the low hanging fruit?
“China’s Tengger Cavalry are a rather prolific bunch, aren’t they? With five full-length albums in as many years, these Mongolian folk metallers have been making waves over the last few years, even going as far as opening for Turisas when the latter hit Beijing a couple years back. With their profile expanding and people catching wind of their majestic blend of exotic shaman folk music and melodic death metal, they did what any self-respecting up-and-coming band should do: they re-recorded their 2010 debut.” Is it ok to re-record mega obscure albums no one ever heard? we report, you ponder.
“As spring finally gives way to summer, it’s the perfect time to receive the latest dose of folksy hijinks and madcappery from the festive Finnish institution known as Korpiklaani. Noita is yet another chipper, high spirited outing by these drunken woodsmen, offering nothing new while clinging tenaciously to the buttocks of the last several albums.” The dancing forest rangers are back to play you the song of their people and drink you under the oaken table.
“Hailing from Chicago and proclaiming to be the purveyors of “martial black metal,” Kommandant don their Sunday best (consisting of black dress shirts and gas masks), raise banners and wind-torn blackened flags of time-honored propaganda, and set the rhythmic march to the local courthouse. Good thing I’m in no short supply of black button-ups.” Gas masks are very versatile from a fashion perspective.
“Arghoslent are one of the best bands that ever shot themselves in the foot. Their melodic NWOBHM-tinged death metal was both original and exhilarating, but was sadly overshadowed by the group’s questionable ideology (sample song titles: “Hereditary Taint,” “Rape of a Slave”). Searching for a similar-sounding group without the racist overtones, I was thus overjoyed by Minneapolis’ House of Atreus and their debut EP, 2013’s Into the Brazen Bull.”
“It is incredible how a couple spawn can transform a lackadaisical lifestyle into one of routine and worry. Everyday apprehension is fueled by medical bills, daycare, diapers, clothing, public school, and Thomas-the-fucking-Tank-Engine. Just ask Al Kikuras; he’ll tell ya.” Maybe we shouldn’t have given Dr. A.N. Grier such a child-unfriendly album.
“A new power metal super group? Oh joy! You know how we love super groups around here. This star studded lineup features vocal powerhouse Ralf Scheepers (Primal Fear, ex-Gamma Ray) and his Primal Fear band mate Aquiles Priester on drums, rounded out by Bjorn Englen (Yngwie Malmsteen, Quiet Riot) on bass and the brutally unheralded Andrew Szucs on guitar.” Guitar-heavy power metal by a mostly unknown crew of power players and we’re supposed to call it a “super group”? Yes we are.
