“The first time I heard Lordi was when everyone else did. It was 2006, they had just won Eurovision (never seen it; don’t care) and their third full-length, The Arockalypse, had hit the streets. I was driving down the 101 in Phoenix, having just purchased it on CD. It was early April, already hot as hell, and I didn’t have AC in my forest-green Geo Tracker. For my horrible mood, my sweat-soaked Yanks cap, and the t-shirt glued to the seat, I was, surprisingly, having a good time.” Lordi, Lordi.
For those who have only listened to metal since 1995, or for those who never thought Queensrÿche worthy of checking out, Operation: mindcrime is a concept album which tells the story of a drug addict who becomes an assassin for a political extremist group, but has a change of heart when he falls in love with a former prostitute who has become a nun.” That’s fookin metal, and olde.
“I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t a pathetic, GWAR-loving metalhead. I love their gimmick, their style, and the plethora of absurd characters and butt/cock jokes. That said, I wouldn’t label GWAR as musical revolutionists. They may be pioneers in costume design, satirical album concepts, and over-the-top stage shows, but I wouldn’t go as far as giving any of their material a 4.0/5.0. But, they’re fucking fun. Never taken seriously but never taken lightly, GWAR has not only amused me for years but has taught me the value in hating the world. And, when I thought this world couldn’t get any shittier, Oderus Urungus (Dave Brockie) died.” Win one for Urungus.
“Accept has been around so long, churning out the same kind of old school Germanic metal that they’ve essentially become a younger, heavier version of AC/DC. This isn’t a bad thing really, as AC/DC is known for consistency and sticking to their (big) guns. Accept has charted a similar course, delivering album after album of rocking 80s style metal with just enough melody and quasi-pop-acumen.” Give in to the rising.
“Sometimes an album comes along that progressively gets better listen after listen. With their debut full-length Ghostlands: Wounds from a Bleeding Earth, Swedish melodic black metallers Wormwood have constructed such an album.” Worms, wood, ghosts, what else could you need?
“The pirate’s life is not for everyone. Extensive travel, oft unprofessional coworkers and arcane profit sharing arrangements conspire to limit the talent pool and keep opportunities scarce. None of that ever mattered to Running Wild. They took to the trade like a duck to water and from 1987 onward they’ve kept the marauder’s flag flying almost nonstop through hard times and rough seas. Rapid Foray is the third release since their 2012 “reformation” and as on Shadowmaker and Resilient, they’re not looking to reinvent the parrot.” Rum and rummer.
“Every once in awhile it’s fun to shuffle through the promo pile in search of an album that explores the good ole days of rock—and by “good ole days,” I mean old-man Steely D days. Even when it’s done shittily, the outcome triggers special memories of sitting around listening to the godfathers of heavy metal and hard rock on shiny black “frisbees” (as we use to call them).” The olde ways are back in vogue (not vogueing though).
“Replace Steel Panther’s cut-rate comedy with a quintet of Torontonians who seem to actually love the ridiculous hard rock of old and, for better or for worse, you end up with Diemonds .” Female fronted cock rock? That seems wrong.
“Accept (and Grave Digger) are Germany’s grand contribution to the Pantheon of Unkillable Cockroaches of Metal. Decade after decade they continue releasing albums brimming with the same traditional metal ideas, slightly rejiggered and reformed, but always recognizable and predictable. Even after the loss of the diminutive but iconic Udo Dirkschneider, the boys from Berlin just kept right on rolling and the two post-Udo platters were their liveliest in forever. Here they come yet again with Blind Rage and it’s comforting as always that nothing much has changed.” With age comes wisdom, and in the case of Accept, surprisingly solid metal.
Grave Digger is back with a new EP. Seriously, this stuff is so rudimentary, it makes Accept sound like Dream Theater.
