Amaranthe

Kobra and the Lotus – Prevail I Review

Kobra and the Lotus – Prevail I Review

Kobra and the Lotus is a Canadian melodic power band that first came onto my radar in 2012 with their self-titled debut. Fronted by the actually-legally-named Kobra Paige, the band’s third LP, Prevail I, is on Napalm Records, after releasing the debut on Spinefarm, and 2014’s High Priestess on Titan Music. Prevail I is, apparently, the first of two albums which will be released in quick succession, and it’s being marketed as produced by the guy who produced Amaranthe’s records, with a debut single squarely marketed at people who like Delain. Since the band’s debut was a solid power metal album, this strategy raises a question for me: three full-lengths (and three labels) into this whole experiment of being named Kobra, how’s the whole thing going?” That’s a very personal question.

Antropofagus – Methods of Resurrection through Evisceration Review

Antropofagus – Methods of Resurrection through Evisceration Review

“There are plenty of underground gems out there, unsigned bands full of youthful energy, small-time groups without major label support, and skilled veterans in the scene that just don’t do music for a living. But for every great artist waiting to be discovered, there are ten just not worth unearthing. I’ve found another one; don’t continue reading.” That’s a joke. Keep reading!

70000 Tons of Metal: One Man’s Journey

70000 Tons of Metal: One Man’s Journey

“My friends ask me what happened, but my ability to verbally communicate has been reduced to moaning and a weeping noise that sounds something like a baby panda crying for milk. I wonder how I’m going to make it through the final day of this floating festival. I wonder when the aching will subside. I wonder where my life went so wrong. How did I end up here, on the 7th annual 70000 Tons of Metal cruise, weak with exhaustion and feeling like my body has been bludgeoned with a sledgehammer? My mind drifts back…” Tales from a 70000 ton heavy thing.

Light and Shade – The Essence of Everything Review

Light and Shade – The Essence of Everything Review

“My short tenure with everyone’s favourite Angry Metal website has already changed my views on music in profound and mysterious ways. Forming an opinion on an album used to be instinctual; I either liked what I heard (and thus listened to it repeatedly), or I did not. I have since realized things are not quite so black and white. What happens when faced with an album that is not enjoyable? Disregarding it is not an option. As great as it would be to write “this shit stinks” and call it a day, such a review be in rather poor taste and probably land me squarely in front of HR.” Ask HMG how that went….

Enbound – The Blackened Heart Review

Enbound – The Blackened Heart Review

“A few years back I had the pleasure of seeing Kamelot live at the only venue in my home state that hosts good metal concerts. It was a brilliant show, with the audience belting every lyric while the band granted us an unanticipated level of interactivity, yet one man I met in the crowd remained nonplussed. Forget one of America’s best power metal bands; this guy was excited as all fuck to catch second-rate supporting act Delain.” Taste is a terrible thing to taste.

Corona Skies – Fragments of Reality Review

Corona Skies – Fragments of Reality Review

“Having read plenty of trash masquerading as philosophy and heard plenty of nonsensical music both within and without metal, I figured I was desensitized to weird stuff. Hell, the world seems almost desensitized to weirdness; Jacques Lacan, one of the biggest dolts to ever pretend to think about stuff and write it down, posited that an erection was equal to the square root of -1 and more than zero people took him seriously.” Weird is full of surprises.

Starkill – Shadow Sleep Review

Starkill – Shadow Sleep Review

“Commercialized metal is one of the strangest and most unnatural phenomena our beloved genre has gone through. I’m not talking about metal that happened to get mainstream recognition, by the way. Even Metallica, with the most lucrative metal act in history, started off as a thrash metal band like any other and only gained widespread fame after 5 albums. I’m talking about bands that seem to have been created or molded precisely to sell metal to the masses, like Amaranthe or Sonic Syndicate.” The vogue of metal.

Crucified Mortals – Psalms of the Dead Choir Review

Crucified Mortals – Psalms of the Dead Choir Review

“Choosing what to do for Halloween is, in some sense, a lot like choosing how to be a metal band. You can try to deliberately frighten people, like Portal, be as provocative as possible, like Anal Cunt, flaunt your good feminine looks like the one member of Amaranthe anyone cares about, do something wacky and out-of-the-box like Troldhaugen, or you can throw on some old goblin mask and just go get drunk, loud and rowdy.” The goblins and ghosts are at the door.

Defeated Sanity – Disposal of the Dead // Dharmata Review

Defeated Sanity – Disposal of the Dead // Dharmata Review

“Most people can’t, for one reason or another, split their talents and passions into two separate wholes. The pizza place near my home in Ontario makes good wings, but they’re not great enough to start up a separate wing business and succeed, so they just do both at once. Some folks are terrible salespeople, so they invite you over to their place to eat some pizza and have a “party” while they try to pitch you an energy drink-based pyramid scheme; the free pizza is supposed to make up for the fact that they couldn’t sell icewater in the Sahara Desert, I guess. Germany’s Defeated Sanity are not most people. They happen to like ultra-brutal death metal and the old Florida proggy death scene, so instead of just combining the two they up and did a split with themselves.” Schizoids are never alone.

Secret Rule – Machination Review

Secret Rule – Machination Review

“Remember Amaranthe? Say what you want about them as a metal band (which, if you’re being six figure tax return levels of charitable, would be “not so great”), but as a pop band they’re alright. Massive Addictive was catchy, regardless of the fact that it was meticulously crafted by Swedish pop robots, made of 100% candy-coated processed cheese, and equal in substance to a sugar rush. Italy’s Secret Rule is pure processed cheese too.” Cheese and sugar go together like dynamite and napalm.