Archgoat

Blasphamagoatachrist – Bastardizing the Purity Review

Blasphamagoatachrist – Bastardizing the Purity Review

“It’s funny how time works. One day you’re 16 and listening to HIM‘s Razorblade Romance, the next you’re in your 30s and reviewing a band called Blasphamagoatachrist. I suspect my own journey into the Extreme was similar to many others. From the day distorted guitars first graced my ears, I felt a gentle pull towards what I now know of as the Black Hole of Extremity, that invisible eternal force that constantly beckons us to seek out MORE.” Blasphemy goats and goals.

Ruin Lust – Choir of Babel Review

Ruin Lust – Choir of Babel Review

“The few times I’ve run reconnaissance to the front lines of war metal—sometimes called bestial black metal—it hasn’t exactly inspired me to take up arms. On paper, the bastard child of grindcore and raw black metal sounds like fun, but the unrelenting frenetic assault often turns tedious for this reviewer. I don’t mind dense music, but I like it smart, and that’s not really war metal’s MO. “Then why are you reviewing a war metal album?” the insolent reader may ask. I’ll tell you, though you deserve no such courtesy.” Towers of noise.

Necrobode – Sob o Feitiço do Necrobode Review

Necrobode – Sob o Feitiço do Necrobode Review

“While I’ve certainly found many that have piqued my interest, few do it the way Archgoat does it. Fortunately, Portuguese trio Necrobode apparently heard my prayers and answered them with their Sob o Feitiço do Necrobode debut. Unfortunately, while this certainly scratched an itch, they still have a ways to go before they usurp their primary influence.” Goat with a bullet.

Abysmal Lord – Exaltation of the Infernal Cabal Review

Abysmal Lord – Exaltation of the Infernal Cabal Review

“Metal reflects its environs. England’s gloomy weather gave birth to the Peaceville Three, the lush forests of the Pacific Northwest gave birth to Cascadian black metal, and the lazy Southern swagger of New Orleans gave birth to sludge. But the sweltering heat of the Big Easy also produced another vile offspring, a hellish bastard child forged by hundred degree summers and humidity high enough to turn your grundle into Lake Pontchartrain. Abysmal Lord is their name and bestial blackened death metal is their game.” Laying cabal.

Vomit Angel – Imprint of Extinction Review

Vomit Angel – Imprint of Extinction Review

“There are two types of bad art in the world, just like there are two types of turds. The first type is embodied by the movie The Room. It’s a massive turd. It’s a turd that you look at and marvel over how it was produced by a human being, a turd that you immediately want to share and laugh about with your friends. And then, there is the fouler type. This is the turd that is spoken of in hushed tones, the pungent semi-diarrhea laced with the partially digested remnants of yesterday’s corn, the turd with a stench so foul it would wrinkle the nose of Beezlebub himself. This is the turd you immediately want to flush and never want to speak of again. This turd is Vomit Angel‘s Imprint of Extinction debut.” Up the creek without an angel.

Goathammer – Ceremony of Morbid Destruction Review

Goathammer – Ceremony of Morbid Destruction Review

Goathammer’s name is a paradox. On one hand, it sounds metal as fuck. Goats are easily one of the most metal animals, while the word “hammer” conveys a sense of primal, brute force. Yet at the same time, it feels kind of generic. If someone were to hold a gun to my head and force me to come up with ten metal band names in two minutes, “Goathammer” would be right near the top of the list, along with “Death Trooper” and “Satanic Thimblefucker.” Goat with a bullet.

Witch King – Voice of the Ossuary Review

Witch King – Voice of the Ossuary Review

I remember when the term “blackened death metal” meant your standard meat-and-potatoes death metal seasoned with just the right selection of herbs, spices, and daemonic ash rubbed in to give it that extra zing. “The term meant brutality in spades, blasts upon blasts bombarding you like an overzealous kid during dodgeball at a standard Phys. Ed. class, and growls that dragged you into the bowels of Hell, sucking your soul as you sit there and smile as life ebbs from your very pores. Nowadays, though? “Blackened death metal,” more often than not, encapsulates anything from the above scenario to bells, whistles, choirs, sweep-picked arpeggios, and a kitchen sink or two. Thankfully, Rhode Island’s Witch King brought it back to basics with their debut full-length, Voice of the Ossuary.” Blackened witchery.

Inisans – Transition Review

Inisans – Transition Review

“They say good things comes to those who wait. I’m not sure who “they” are in this situation – You? The silent cabal of shadow and influence puppeting our every step? The burger people? – but “they” are certainly shooting too low. If my band devoted nine years of blood, spit, and shit to a debut release, good wouldn’t be good enough. Thusly, we enter Transition. Dissatisfaction courses through the ranks of AMG’s death metal connoisseurs; a recent dearth of quality old school death metal offers Inisans a chance to catch their eye. It’s up to the Swedes to snatch the brass ring.” The mob demands death.