Blasphemy

Blasphamagoatachrist – Bastardizing the Purity Review

Blasphamagoatachrist – Bastardizing the Purity Review

“It’s funny how time works. One day you’re 16 and listening to HIM‘s Razorblade Romance, the next you’re in your 30s and reviewing a band called Blasphamagoatachrist. I suspect my own journey into the Extreme was similar to many others. From the day distorted guitars first graced my ears, I felt a gentle pull towards what I now know of as the Black Hole of Extremity, that invisible eternal force that constantly beckons us to seek out MORE.” Blasphemy goats and goals.

Slaughtbbath – Alchemical Warfare Review

Slaughtbbath – Alchemical Warfare Review

“Time to draw ourselves a Slaughtbbath, folks. What bathing in slaughtb feels like is known to those who heard 2013’s Hail to Fire, the predecessor of Alchemical Warfare and Slaughtbbath’s debut. I took a Slaughtbbath many times via Hail to Fire, which is the least important qualification I possess to review that record’s successor. My most important qualification? Look at my pen name, and then look at the title of this record; Slaughtbbath and I share an enjoyment of gratuitous Slayer puns.” Rub-a-drub-drub.

Holocausto – Diario de Guerra Review

Holocausto – Diario de Guerra Review

“Once someone gets into extreme metal, they find a point of glorious musical stupidity that they gravitate to. This point is normally either war metal (i.e. Revenge, GoatPenis, Conqueror) or the most delightfully moronic slam (i.e. the first Abominable Putridity record, Cephalotripsy). How did these endpoints come to be?” Dear Diario.

Cult of Extinction – Ritual in the Absolute Absence of Light Review

Cult of Extinction – Ritual in the Absolute Absence of Light Review

“Bestial war metal. It’s an evocative name, isn’t it? Succinct. Direct. Descriptive. You’re not getting pretentious instrumentation, or strange ancient languages, or complicated metaphors about the modern condition. Raw, primal, direct black metal designed to quicken the pulse is the name of this game. Enter Cult of Extinction, a one-man war metal band hailing from Germany, and the brain-child of the mysterious Void.” War metal. What’s it good for?

Deiphago – I, the Devil Review

Deiphago – I, the Devil Review

“Pretense is a bitch. I’ve found myself being more and more cynical through the years about people who claim to be the best at what they do. From athletes and artists to people I interact with on a daily basis, I prefer action and art to speak for itself. Therefore, I found myself suspicious with Filipino blackened death metal three-piece Deiphago, who proclaim to be ‘arguably the most violent band on the planet, as well as one of the most envelope-pushing.'” Heavy is as heavy does.

Goathammer – Ceremony of Morbid Destruction Review

Goathammer – Ceremony of Morbid Destruction Review

Goathammer’s name is a paradox. On one hand, it sounds metal as fuck. Goats are easily one of the most metal animals, while the word “hammer” conveys a sense of primal, brute force. Yet at the same time, it feels kind of generic. If someone were to hold a gun to my head and force me to come up with ten metal band names in two minutes, “Goathammer” would be right near the top of the list, along with “Death Trooper” and “Satanic Thimblefucker.” Goat with a bullet.

Morbosidad – Corona De Epidemia Review

Morbosidad – Corona De Epidemia Review

“In their promo blurb, Morbosidad boast that all their lyrics are written in Spanish, a “direct descendant of the Latin tongue spoken by the crucifiers of Jesus.” That alone should tell you everything you need to know about the band. Turn the distortion to 11 and get out your crumpled Blasphemy shirts, here comes 33 minutes of bestial blackened death metal guaranteed to earfuck you into next week.” Ears are a gift and should be treated with respect.

Weregoat – Pestilential Rites of Infernal Fornication Review

Weregoat – Pestilential Rites of Infernal Fornication Review

“What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a goat? If you guessed “39 minutes of barbaric blackened death metal,” congratulations and welcome to a world where the only thing more bestial than the music is the sexual activity it describes.” Animal husbandry.