Blasphemy

Goathammer – Ceremony of Morbid Destruction Review

Goathammer – Ceremony of Morbid Destruction Review

Goathammer’s name is a paradox. On one hand, it sounds metal as fuck. Goats are easily one of the most metal animals, while the word “hammer” conveys a sense of primal, brute force. Yet at the same time, it feels kind of generic. If someone were to hold a gun to my head and force me to come up with ten metal band names in two minutes, “Goathammer” would be right near the top of the list, along with “Death Trooper” and “Satanic Thimblefucker.” Goat with a bullet.

Morbosidad – Corona De Epidemia Review

Morbosidad – Corona De Epidemia Review

“In their promo blurb, Morbosidad boast that all their lyrics are written in Spanish, a “direct descendant of the Latin tongue spoken by the crucifiers of Jesus.” That alone should tell you everything you need to know about the band. Turn the distortion to 11 and get out your crumpled Blasphemy shirts, here comes 33 minutes of bestial blackened death metal guaranteed to earfuck you into next week.” Ears are a gift and should be treated with respect.

Weregoat – Pestilential Rites of Infernal Fornication Review

Weregoat – Pestilential Rites of Infernal Fornication Review

“What do you get when you cross a werewolf with a goat? If you guessed “39 minutes of barbaric blackened death metal,” congratulations and welcome to a world where the only thing more bestial than the music is the sexual activity it describes.” Animal husbandry.

Dead Conspiracy – Dead Conspiracy Review

Dead Conspiracy – Dead Conspiracy Review

“It shouldn’t surprise you that Dead Conspiracy plays the sort of death metal that has little in common with modern incarnations of it or even Morbid Angel, but rather sounds like over the top thrash. My first impression was a less punky war metal or Possessed on speed but with less cool solos.” From the days when every town had Seven Churches.

Grave Desecrator – Dust to Lust Review

Grave Desecrator – Dust to Lust Review

“Having been rather busy as of late doing a paper on Edmund Husserl, I should probably be able to come up with a phenomenal introduction but instead find myself facing the Crisis of Angry Metal Guy Ledes head-on. I suppose a riff on how Grave Desecrator’s fourth full-length Dust to Lust works amusingly with Coffin Dust and Coffin Lust because coffins go with graves and chronologically Dr. A.N. Grier’s typically great work on the former came before my thoughts on the latter like the album name, but that’s not how you bait the clicks.” With a click o’ the switch, she’ll bait you sky high!

Decrepit Soul – The Coming of War!! Review

Decrepit Soul – The Coming of War!! Review

“I’ve always found the crude, no-fucks-given approach of Australian blackened death band Sadistik Exekution quite endearing. With their sloppy live performances, reports that their founding guitarist lived in a Sydney dungeon, and insistence on spelling ‘fuck’ with two ‘k’s (a tendency I’ve often found myself adopting in drunken text messages), everything about the band is appealing in the same way as a B-grade 80s horror movie: extremity for the sake of extremity, with an underlying camp nurtured by splatter-happy nastiness and an utter lack of technical aptitude. It was in search of other groups with this aesthetic that I decided to check out Aussie duo Decrepit Soul’s sophomore LP The Coming of War!!” Fuckks were given about this here review.

Instigator – Bad Future EP Review

Instigator – Bad Future EP Review

“I love cheese. Think of all the wonderful things that wouldn’t exist without it. Pizza, cheeseburgers, nachos, quesadillas, 2003 Al Roker. Cheese is one of those things that, with rare exception, there can never be enough of. Our mission here at AMG is to be thorough and fair, so we listen to an album at minimum of a good three or six times. Since Instigator’s Bad Future EP is so short you can probably triple that.” Sure, cheese tastes good, but it will clog you up.

Corpspazm – Corpspazm Review

Corpspazm – Corpspazm Review

“The pulsating surge of the retro wave has turned music reviewing into what’s essentially the Antiques Roadshow. We listen like the appraiser examines a piece, looking for authenticity, craftsmanship, and the overall condition of the music. We then describe our findings and you lovely folks read about them, some of you coming here every day, some once a week, and some seduced now and again by the masterful and sultry click-baiting some of us excel at.” Just look at that veneer!