Children of Bodom

Bloody Cumshot – Nymphomania [Things You Might Have Missed 2021]

Bloody Cumshot – Nymphomania [Things You Might Have Missed 2021]

“In a year of awful band names, Bloody Cumshot —a project by Junya of Zemeth— may be the only one that has moved several AMG staff members to boycott the band on principle. And who can blame them? It is stupidly, ridiculously over the top. I’d assume anyone with such a band name to be edgelords among edgelords, and the song titles don’t help. But you can safely ignore all of that. Here’s bloodshot in your eye.

Kambrium – Synthetic ERA Review

Kambrium – Synthetic ERA Review

“Few discussions in metal are as pointless as genre disagreements, and when such bouts of useless verbal sparring occur between enthusiastic Dunning-Kruger subscribers, you can expect some real dumb shit. As it did when I got in a disagreement with some friends, back when I knew a whole 3 metal bands and had barely bought my first fake leather spiked wristband. You see, I had just learned the term ‘melodic death metal’ and was vaguely aware of what power metal was, and as such, I laughed at friends telling me Children of Bodom were ‘power metal with harsh vocals,’ as the eternally-wise Encyclopedia Metallum claimed at the time. I wonder what any of us would have made of Kambrium, a band that treads the line between melodeath and power metal with meticulous precision.” Futurunreal.

Karpenter – Sleepless Review

Karpenter – Sleepless Review

Karpenter plays an Americanized version of the Swedish sound which was foundational to bands like As I Lay Dying, along with the Swedish take on that Americanized Swedish sound which was done by Soilwork and In Flames on Stabbing the Drama, Sworn to a Great Divide, A Sense of Purpose, and Come Clarity. The newest of the above is thirteen years old, the oldest sixteen – Karpenter is an unintentionally hard-hitting commentary on the passage of time.” Sleeping in the past.

The Circle – Metamorphosis Review

The Circle – Metamorphosis Review

“The phrase “avant-garde” spliced with “metal” is so confusing. Much like similar descriptors “extreme” and “modern,”[1. *shudder*] it’s an extremely broad term that implies much and is much abused. Describing the Children of Bodom-esque Messora to the weird-as-shit Maudlin of the Well, overuse quickly becomes Inigo Montoya’s second most-famous quote: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” So, what does “avant-garde” actually mean? Beats me! Nevertheless, the newest crew to throw their avant-garde hat into the ring is Germany’s The Circle.” Larva-core.

Wolfchant – Omega : Bestia Review

Wolfchant – Omega : Bestia Review

“I love when the genre is accidentally and maliciously mislabeled by an album’s promo package. It always leads to delightfully gruesome surprises and oh so satisfying pleas and groveling by shocked and dismayed reviewers once the true nature of the promo revels itself. It’s especially amusing since the sadistic AMG management rarely lets reviewers back out once a promo is drawn from the murk and claimed. Karma is a bitch though, and what goes around comes around, and this time it was your friendly neighborhood Steel who got hoisted by his own petard ov judgment when selecting Wolfchant.” Beastly besties.

Evil Drive – Demons Within Review

Evil Drive – Demons Within Review

“Well, the female-front beast that is Evil Drive is back. Like I’ve stated in previous reviews, Arch Enemy probably comes to mind the most. That said, the band has tried to incorporate more than meets the ears. I’m not gonna say this Finnish Five-some has solved the problem and released something special. Not quite, but at least there’s a little more variety on this new release. Or, maybe it’s that it seems like the band has finally started taking their music seriously.” By demons be driven.

Regardless of Me – Black Flowers Blossom Review

Regardless of Me – Black Flowers Blossom Review

“Six years into this gig, and I still largely choose albums from the promo pool by name and/or genre tag. While I like to review a diverse array of sub-genres, it’s tough for me to not pick the low hanging fruit of obscure tags. The prospect of “trance metal” was an enticing one indeed, and it was from this that I selected Italy’s Regardless of Me.” No regard.

Angry Metal-Fi: The Best and Worst Sounding Albums of 2019

Angry Metal-Fi: The Best and Worst Sounding Albums of 2019

“Metal-Fi? One has got to wonder if the serious lack of updates on the site is because of these issues or are they in fact the root cause? I honestly don’t know. Certainly, neither Dave nor I could have possibly foreseen that our unannounced hiatus last year would kick off Ragnarök. But unfortunately, that’s what all of the facts seem to indicate. Our bad.” Deaf and taxes.