![Eternal Champion – The Armor of Ire [Things You Might Have Missed 2016]](https://www.angrymetalguy.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Eternal-Champion_The-Armor-or-Ire-768x768.jpg)
“How did I miss an album with that cover, you ask? We didn’t get the damn promo, that’s how. If we did, I’d have seen the title (the same as a much beloved Sega Genesis brawler from my youth), taken notice of the art and the rest would be history. Now that I’m way late to the raiding party, I’m finding this thing the near-perfect companion piece to the awesome Sumerlands debut of earlier this year.” Obtain the Sword of Groupon and come with us!
“When a band is so damn trve they make their fans wait 16 years for a follow up album, you know you’re dealing with some real hard asses. Quicksand Dream is their name, and the waiting game is their…game. They burst on the epic metal scene way back in 2000 with their disastrously titled Aelin – A Story About Destiny debut, and though that name was like a poke in the eye, there was no denying the righteous Cirith Ungol and Brocas Helm worshiping within. It was a sound so completely lost up the ass of metal history that it became the very embodiment of “cult” and doomed the band to self inflicted obscurity.” Those that don’t know, don’t know.
“As soon as I heard note one of this thing I knew I was in for it. I’d end up falling in my 80s nostalgia hole preaching to the very small choir of 45-plus geezers who grew up on this kind of raw, simplistic proto-metal. Praising this would inevitably lead to abuse from my youthful AMG peers and readers while further cementing my rep as a metallic fossil, but what can a middle-aged Steel Druhm do?” My name is Steel and I have a metal problem.
“One look at that cover and you knew I’d be the chosen one to review it, didn’t you? And rightly so, as Ravensire has an imposing Throne of Usurpation built directly on the epicenter of my metallic wheelhouse. They rock a burly form of trve metal similar to Visigoth and Ironsword, and since that means Conan-core, you can expect much Cirith Ungol worshiping, Manowar loin clothing and Manilla Road raging.” If you’re bored, reforge the sword!
“When nearly half of your band includes key Svarttjern black metal misanthropes, a marriage of Pagan Altar and King Diamond’s heavy metal Mercyful Fate-alism is not what you expect to burst forth from your speakers. And yet it does.” In the Olde School you still need chalk and fountain pens.
“It’s hard to remain trve in such false times. Wear a broadsword into the local supermarket and you’ll get many a suspicious glance. Build an enormous stone monument to Ye Old Gods on your front lawn and you’ll invariably run into trouble with the town Zoning Board. Sacking weaker neighbors and carrying off their daughters? Forget all about it. Such are the cursed times we live in. But when the going gets tough, the trve get going, and that’s why Ironsword is so damn important.” It’s time to hold those war hammers high. Higher! HIGHER!
“One of the biggest disappointments this year was Profound Lore’s inexplicable failure to get us a copy of the new Dawnbringer promo, Night of the Hammer. Due to said failure, it was we who might have missed one of the best albums of the year. I’ve been a major supporter of Chris Black’s (High Spirits, Pharaoh, ex-Nachtmystium) weird proto-metal project ever since their outre Nucleus platter, and I was equally bowled over by 2012’s Into the Lair of the Sun God. Maintaining the band’s upward trajectory once again, Night of the Hammer takes the Dawnbringer sound even further backward into metal’s past.” Like a hammer to a nail, so are the days of our metal lives….
“There was a time before the Internet when musicians were scary. Glen Benton was an animal killing, Satan-worshipping maniac instead of an angry divorcee. Slayer were about to slit open a woman’s throat, all in spikes and leather instead of looking like they are on line at Chuck E. Cheese’s in a Spongebob t-shirt. The only scary person left in extreme music now that GG Allin is dead is Gaahl from Gorgoroth/God Seed and I’ve been too out touch to not know if he’s considered frightening these days.” Out of touch and scared of Sponge Bob is no way to go through life, Al.
“I made the error of listening to Solitary Sabred’s new album at work. Half-way through opener “Disciples of the Sword” I was being restrained by security: apparently it’s “against office policy” to strip to your underwear, lather yourself in baby oil, adopt the power stance and wave a poster-tube around your head pretending it’s a sword (why I keep baby oil at the office is my business, OK?).” Most HR departments frown on such trve metal shenanigans because HR is not trve! Death to false human resources!
“Swords gleaming in the sun, banners battered by the wind as men fight and die, a shoreline awash with red: all images vividly conjured by the punchy, but regal music on Grand Magus’s last three albums. Though their style resists easy classification and has shifted and squirmed between the cracks of several genres over time, they’ve always been a band you could count on to release classy, high quality music.” Is this yet another stellar release by the mighty Magus or did they jump the Viking helmed shark?
