“Like Sabaton, Belgium’s FireForce focuses all their energy around battles come-and-gone, the bravery of the few, and the historical instances that led to war. With two albums under their belt, this five-piece is back with another history lesson. This time on Greece’s Oxi Day, the Danevirke, the infamous Iron Brigade, and much more. So, come along, dweebs. School’s in session. Grab your Thermos and knapsack, it’s time to get learneded.” The professor is a doctor.
“Their catchy-as-fuck 2015 debut, As Daylight Breaks, was the first. Then, last year’s “meh” Mirrorworld. And, now, Magic. Math ain’t my strong-point, but that should make three albums in three years. Sure, Vardan releases a baker’s dozen on an annual basis, but groups like Serious Black? I didn’t think it was possible—nor should it be. But, by god, here it is. Unfortunately, the intense schedule for releasing full-length albums on a yearly basis is starting to show. Since the debut, quantity over quality has been the name of the game for Urban Breed and co. Which results in a Serious Black bummer. ” The strings are showing.
“There’s hardly anything that excites me more when discovering music than stumbling upon an unlikely and successful fusion of genres. I’m (mostly) not picky in regards to my taste for metal sub-genres, and when two or more of my favorites are effectively spliced together, I’m likely to remember the band in question for years to come. Yet as much as I’d love to hear an album that can pull off a mixture of doom, power, and traditional metal, with a side of thrash and accents of death and black metal without feeling overstuffed, I acknowledge that this desire is little more than a pipe dream. Except, oh wait, that exact album practically fell into my lap, and it’s actually really goddamned good.” The Last Genre Bender.
“Long running Greek power metal warriors Firewind have always been a reliable second-string act thanks to the capable stewardship of axe God, Gus G. When news broke in 2009 that he was to be Ozzy’s new guitar wiz, I wondered if he’d be able to keep his first love alive on the side. Immortals marks the third Firewind platter since he joined with metal’s original maniac, so it seems the man can multi-task just fine.” This Gus is on fire!
“Sometimes I wish AMG released audio reviews. If we did, the first thirty seconds of my review of Hammerfall’s Built to Last would be uncontrollable laughter. I mean, for fuck’s sake, they have a song called the ‘Twilight Princess.’ But, for all the laughter and poking fun I can have with Built to Last, Hammerfall have never let me down. Maybe it’s because I don’t expect that much from them, I have never taken them too seriously, and they have been pretty damn consistent for over twenty years.” BEWARE: Falling hammers.
“It’s not every day that you see C.S. Lewis’ name in a metal review. But a Lewis cameo is inevitable when reviewing a band called Narnia. If you’ve never heard the band before, I bet you’re picturing seven full-album concepts based on Lewis’ Narnia saga. Well, put those thoughts away because they’re wrong. This Swedish power-metal outfit does indeed have seven records, but not a single one of them is a front-to-back concept. There are the occasional Narnia-influence songs but, for the most part, the band uses Lewis’ folklore as an instrument to spread the word of God; and not in a subtle way.” I think you’ve been lion!
“I’m not going to lie, I have the biggest fucking headache right now. And who is to blame for this ailment? Bon-fucking-Jovi. Why in hell would I be listening to Bon Jovi, you might be asking? Because Jaded Heart’s back-catalog resurfaced my hard-helmet, classic-rock listening, construction-work nightmares. Yep, you read right. I said Jaded Heart. Why would I dare review such a thing, you may also be asking? Well, curiosity killed the cat.” Paul Baloff actually killed that cat because it was a poser!
“After a conversation with a friend about power metal, I came to the realization that many of my favorite bands in the genre are cheesy as hell. I’ve come to this slightly ashamed conclusion many times over the years, and as I’ve done before, I pulled out my power metal collection in hopes that all the black, thrash, and death metal hadn’t lessened my love for Tolkien-based nonsense and eight-album concepts about the mighty Metalians.” Cheeses H. Christ, the Doctor is such a Helloweenie!
“If it was a bunch of one-man black metal bands before, now it’s a bunch of cheez whiz coming Count Grier’s way. Previously it was in the form of the slick The Valiant/Valiant’s/Variant/Variant’s Fire release by Damnation Angels and now it’s Time Stands Still from Canadian-based Unleash the Archers.” Don’t they mean “unleash the arrows”?
“When I picked up the debut album of Serious Black for review, I knew nothing about this band. What I did know was that the band name Sirius-ly gives me an uncontrollable urge to hunt down Harry Potter and punch him in the fucking face. But once I decided to review this slab of melodic metal, I discovered that this sum bitch is serious-ly special.” Step back folks, we have another “super group” on our hands.
