Five Finger Death Punch

Paganizer – The Tower of the Morbid Review

Paganizer – The Tower of the Morbid Review

“Around twelve years ago, I procured a guitar and amp. I messed around for awhile, learning some Iced Earth riffs and some Sabaton solos, but children life got in the way, my priorities changed, and my skills regressed to nothing. Alas, I’ve still never written the power/thrash/doom masterpiece that I always imagined I would. Contrast my experience with Mr. Rogga Johansson, whose unquenchable need to make music has led to his name being credited on approximately 100 different works on Metal Archives, with three full-lengths and two EPs already released this year alone, and he’s back with the latest from his oldest active project, Paganizer.” Morbid tales of time management.

Athanasia – The Order of the Silver Compass Review

Athanasia – The Order of the Silver Compass Review

“Our eventual overlords may be capable of incredible feats of logic and science, but they are still in their infancy when it comes to matters pertaining to the human heart. There’s something about how humans process emotional cues and meaning that the machines haven’t mastered and it shows when they’re tasked with creative work. Now, this is a metal blog, so you can probably guess where I’m going with this. What would it sound like if AI were to create a metal album to be marketed to the masses?” By the numbers.

Adversvm – Aion Sitra Ahra Review

Adversvm – Aion Sitra Ahra Review

“Okay, stop me if you’ve heard this one before: lofty, esoteric song titles and album names, a promo picture of a single dude who looks like one of the choir guys from Batushka and goes by just his initials, and very little-to-no-internet presence at all, so looking for much information on the “band” in question, other than the fact that Adversvm is a German one-man act, is an exercise in futility… all these things would have you screaming, “Fuck, not another one-man black metal band.” And I would sympathize with you completely if it was accurate. You see, though, Adversvm is a one-man funeral doom band hoping to make a name for himself in a steadily-growing genre.” One slow man.

Vanora – Momentum Review

Vanora – Momentum Review

“Norway. A country home to a beautiful language, gorgeous fjords, and hideous metal. While most, including me, associate the country with black metal, there are other brands attempting to make their mark, including this offering, Vanora. Playing a mixture of djent and more traditional progressive metal that feels distinctly of the current trends in metal, Vanora‘s debut Momentum claims to promise sharp riffage, a nice mixture of singing and growling, and big, heady synth lines. Wait, what?” Putting the prog in Norway?

Invidia – As the Sun Sleeps Review

Invidia – As the Sun Sleeps Review

“We all did dumb stuff when we were 14. We overate on candy without remembering how much we puked last time, we lost teeth to concrete trying to nail the stupidest stunts, and we tried and failed horribly at being cool enough for that one girl that kick-started our hormone production the summer before. One of the (un)cool things we did was listen to what passed as edgy at the time, and considering this would be 2003 for me, that would be Mudvayne and Static-X. Now I have a brand new nu-metal promo by Invidia, a supergroup featuring members from Skinlab, Five Finger Death Punch and In This Moment, colliding all of the above with such heroes as Godsmack, a manure-filled dump truck and a frat house full of drunk jocks.” Ah, to never be young again.

As Lions – Selfish Age Review

As Lions – Selfish Age Review

“Heredity can be a blessing and a curse. Unless you’re George Clooney, you will be endlessly compared to that elderly, more famous relative of yours no matter how different you proclaim to be. Often, lineage will be the curiosity factor that garners early attention, but even more often it will be a stumbling block to legitimacy. Take Lauren Harris, for example, daughter of Iron Maiden’s Steve Harris. She’s been trying for over a decade to make a go of it, with little luck. Another “Child of Maiden,” Austin Dickinson, is bravely trying to carve his own path, first with unmemorable metalcore act Rise to Remain and now with As Lions.” How far is that apple gonna roll?

In This Moment – A Star-Crossed Wasteland Review

In This Moment – A Star-Crossed Wasteland Review

So I admit, I’ve never heard SoCal pop rockers In This Moment before. This review will be completely devoid of comparisons to their last two records. Nor will it be filled with witty insights into how the band has changed over their time and whether or not this is a darker record (of course, every new record is the darkest, heaviest, etc., that any band has ever done, so trust the bio about as far as you can throw Arnold Schwarzneger). No, this is going to pretty much be a tirade about how much I really don’t like this album at all or the style of music or basically anything about this at all except for Maria’s clean singing voice, which is very good. You are warned. Don’t throw a fit in the comments because I hate your favorite band: I’ve already warned you. If you read past the jump then it’s your own fucking fault.