“Let’s get one thing straight with these guys: avant-garde, avant-schmard. Unlike many French compatriots, wacky innovation is not the name of the game here. Wyrms stick rigidly to the melodic template which has been honed to a fine sheen since Dissection and Sacramentum first did their thing. Sarkhral Lumænor is about as modern as a jousting contest, and as subtle and flexible as chain-mail armor.” The wyrm you know.
“Heavy metal. Trad metal. Dad metal. It all boils down to the same thing, really: galloping guitars, soaring vocals, a dose of cheese (don’t forget to take your Lactaid, old timer!) and enough triumphant riffs to get those creaky, arthritic bones a’janglin’. So it was with nagging nostalgia that I picked up Meat We’re Made Of, the first full-length from France’s Animalize, a group who traffic in a form of classic heavy metal firmly entrenched in the 70s and 80s.” Meat is the message.
“Like so many other extreme metal acts, Exocrine crave evolution in their skills and sound. That being the case, it should come at no surprise that The Hybrid Suns abandons many of the stylistic choices that defined Maelstrom and Molten Giant while still respecting those albums’ imprint on the band’s career. Exocrine’s compositions retain a similar sense of grandeur despite the stripped down instrumentation. The Hybrid Suns is also a heavier and noticeably more br00tal record.”Evolution of the wicked.
“Latin—language of ancient history’s classiest empire, known only by nerds with and without PhDs, and vernacular of choice for many a metal act. Somnium Nocte Mendaciis (Night’s Dreams of Lies) continues Ophe’s foray into the world of incomprehensible titles, and nearly as incomprehensible music. In the time since 2018’s Litteras Ad Tristia Maestrum Solitude, sole member Bargnatt XIX has only doubled-down on the weird. Now forgoing clean vocals entirely, as well as almost all things approaching a melody, the album is the exact opposite of easy listening.” Dead tongues and harsh language.
“Many of us know, I guess, that moment of extreme disappointment when you unwrap a prime steak you’ve been looking forward to, only to be greeted by the putrid smell of gone-off meat. “It makes no sense, I only bought the fucking thing yesterday,” you mutter darkly to yourself. That steak should have been good for another couple of days at least. “How could this have happened? Why did it have to happen to me and why today?” I can’t answer any of those questions—quite frankly, I have my own problems—but that foul whiff of putrefaction reminds of the rancid filth that emanates from the debut record of French four-piece Viande.” Meat tragedy and death woes.
“”There is nothing new to be discovered here.” So reads the promo copy for Disfuneral’s debut full-length, which… look, Promo Copy Sir or Madam, we’ve all struggled with writer’s block, but let’s strive to keep things professional. Your job is to claim this album improves on both Left Hand Path and Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony; ours is to throw cold water on such claims so Steel will toss a few scraps of Mystery Meat our way come mealtime.” Tentacle Elmo.
“Another review, another band with a ten-year gap between albums. When I was a young whipper-snapper, the gap was ten months! C’mon bands, get prolific again. Okay, anyhow, French dark metal act Lux Incerta produced a promising debut, now-ironically entitled A Decade of Dusk, back in 2012. If I were reviewing back in those days, it would have received one of those “there are a number of issues but this is a promising debut and I look forward to seeing where they go from here” summaries. Strong in many areas, clearly influenced by bands such as My Dying Bride and Katatonia, but still a ways to go in maturing and honing their sound.” Darkness fanciers.
“Tranzat won me over before I even heard a single note, their pétillant persona piquing all the “must listen” bones in my body. On a scale of swell to swole, these proggy French funnymen are decidedly swell-diddly-umptious. Not only have they provided a boy-band-meets-bowling-league cover art for our supreme enjoyment, but also they have adorned their merch page for Ouh La La with silly posters, silly shirts, and reasonable prices. You can even send them your own shirt (or turtleneck or polo) that they will gladly screen print for you. Perhaps for this third outing, Tranzat has finally coordinated with a highly supportive label.” Prep-core.
“As a reviewer who largely gets to pick my own assignments, I face a desire to branch out once in a while. Most of us like discovering new things, but it can be a little off-putting to follow up the discovery with a review, knowing that you may not be “getting” the concepts. For myself, I like the idea of stoner doom, rock, metal, or whatever you’d like to call it. The hazy, laid-back, ambient-but-not-quite music appeals to me. I’m not a particular fan of the genre—but every once in a while, I want to try. That is how I find myself here, reviewing An Endless Feast for Hyenas, the debut full-length release from France’s Decasia.” Mellow mauling.
“When last Véhémence appeared around these parts, they were an unexpected discovery I made—with some much-appreciated help—at the end of 2019. Par le sang versé was a gem of a release, with all the right black metal bits, just enough folk bits, and an awesome medieval vibe that set it apart from its contemporaries. So you can imagine my thrill when I learned that the French group had actually read that article and that I’d get to review their third full-length release, Ordalies.” Getting medieval on your arse.
