“Joke bands have never really been my thing. While I love groups like Cannabis Corpse and find their puns chuckle-worthy, it’s the riffs, not the mildly amusing weed references, that keep me coming back. That said, when an album called Goatgrind by Germany’s Milking the Goatmachine showed up in the AngryMetal promo list, I made a special exception.” Don’t ask him why.
“Apart from boasting the wimpiest band name this side of Raunchy, Germany’s Dew-Scented have built a substantial body of work since releasing their debut album Immortale back in 1996. Drawing influence from classic German thrash bloodlines and manipulating them into their own deathlier take on modern thrash, the band has plugged away through an almost comical amount of line-up changes to arrive at their tenth full-length album, Intermination.” Should you do the Dew?
“To pilfer a phrase from the revered postmodern philosopher Christopher B. Bridges, “there’s something wrong if you can’t stand still.” If his words are to be taken at face value, Germany’s Thornesbreed must have sensed a problem in their sound. Consisting of competent but unexciting death metal, their 2003 debut The Splendour of the Repellent was followed up eight years later in 2011 by the 273.15 Degrees Below Freezing EP, which can, for the sake of expediency, be described as “Profanatica but not as good.” 2015 sees the band releasing their second full-length in the form of the enigmatically titled GTRD, marking another step in the band’s perpetual musical wanderings.” Wandering, meandering and change for change’s sake. Is that a recipe for success?
“Those that know Total Negation know that Wiedergaenger can do more than just play the drums. New release, Zeitzeuge, continues down the road of weird, depressive black metal that Wiedergaenger built; full of depression, German lyrics, oddball percussion instruments, and even some of those stringed ones.” Can the stringed ones carry these tunes above mediocrity?
“I don’t care how your last album, Golderkind, left your fans “irritated,” and how with Wieder Geil! (“Horny Again”) you aim to win them back. I don’t care that your target audience seems to be people who were jamming Attack! Attack! circa 2008. I don’t care, because I’m only here to judge your music.” Basically, he just doesnt care anymore.
“Looking at the cover of the new Helloween album, it strikes me that these chaps made quite a career out of the whole “not taking ourselves too seriously” schtick. They’ve been at this for 30 years, eternally projecting the same jokey-hokey, fun-timey German thing while essentially creating the entire Euro-power genre singlehandedly. That intrinsic lack of seriousness permeated the music more over time, and the cutesy pumpkin monsters and cornball lyrics have at times been too much to bear, leading some (me) to take their music less and less seriously as the years went by.” Does anyone remember laughter? These cats do.
“After a slobbery storm of critical fellatio that even the Farmer’s Almanac would’ve had a tough time predicting, Deafheaven’s Sunbather ended up toppling Kanye West’s Yeezus as the mainstream’s champion of unbridled artistic genius in 2013. Far from the first band to follow the post-black-gaze muse, the near-consensus on Deafheaven’s supposed brilliance was monumental, creating a prime climate for followers to begin putting their own spin on the style.” Sigh…. Deafheaven is creating clones again, and they are sunbathing!
“It was difficult for me to turn down a promo so intertwined with one of the subjects of my recently-completed dissertation. Aldous Huxley’s migration to Eastern philosophy, influenced by both Taoism and Buddhism, is well documented in his final novel, Island. The inhabitants of the idyllic island practice such spiritual, philosophical models, culminating in the consumption of so-called “Moksha-medicine,” a hallucinogen which permits heightened awareness and understanding. The band which explores similarly Zen and reflective topics is one to catch my eye and I excitedly embarked on this quest for internal liberation. In other words, El Cuervo is ready to get spiritually blotto.
“Admittedly, Valborg’s fifth full-length Romantik was selected for review by yours truly based solely on one thing: Valborg apparently sounds like Triptykon. I know; that’s not exactly the best approach when selecting a promo. However, being the fan I am of Tom G. Warrior Inc. (look no farther than my pick for 2014’s Album of the Year), how could I go wrong?” Did someone get trick-tykoned?
“A new power metal super group? Oh joy! You know how we love super groups around here. This star studded lineup features vocal powerhouse Ralf Scheepers (Primal Fear, ex-Gamma Ray) and his Primal Fear band mate Aquiles Priester on drums, rounded out by Bjorn Englen (Yngwie Malmsteen, Quiet Riot) on bass and the brutally unheralded Andrew Szucs on guitar.” Guitar-heavy power metal by a mostly unknown crew of power players and we’re supposed to call it a “super group”? Yes we are.
