“There’s no doubt that this is one fucked up world. And to add insult to injury, Autograph has a new album. I mean, I wouldn’t want to say glam metal is irrelevant these days, but it is. And one of its pioneers is unwilling to die—trying to hold on to what it has (“Turn Up the Radio”) and hasn’t (everything else) contributed to this world.” This IS your father’s metal.
“Hysteria is hair metal reduced to a fine paste. It has the girls, the melodies, the vocal harmonies, the schmaltzy lyrics AND the chest hair. It’s produced with that pleasant 80s guitar tone which was popular, plenty of synthesized effects and is buffed to a gleaming shine. There’s crystal clear separation in the mix and it was evidently written and produced for maximum accessibility and groupy-acquisition.” Why is this happening? We aren’t sure.
“Hailing all the way from sunny Russia, Estate are the proud bearers of good ol’ fashioned Europower. Fantasia, their début effort, is brimming with cheesy keys, up-tempo riffing and questionable English accents – the hallmarks of power greats such as Sonata Arctica and Helloween. Nonetheless, the musical term ‘fantasia’ implies a nonconformity to a specific style, and there are certainly a few curve balls here.” Starting with that Pan-tastic album cover!
“You know how Kurt Cobain killed Hair Metal? Of course you know; we’ve been through this already. He didn’t. Yes folks, it’s time for your second dose of hair metal in under a month! You see, while AMG has been distracted dealing with Steel Druhm’s incessant efforts to inject more Jorn onto the site by any means necessary, I’ve launched my own elaborately coiffured campaign to restyle Angry Metal Guy into the far more fabulous Hair Metal Guy.” Jorn in the U.S.A.!
“You know how Kurt Cobain killed Hair Metal? Apparently he didn’t manage to finish the job. It’s taken a couple of decades, but the recent surge of sleaze shows that the blow delivered by Kurt’s Fender Jaguar wasn’t, in fact, fatal.” If Cobain couldn’t kill sleazy cock rock, no one can!
