“In an effort to avoid consistency devolving into redundancy, Vader have opted to galvanize The Empire with the ever-present thrash that propels their classic sound. The results are a lot of fun. I love Vader, so if you’re at all interested in following me awkwardly avoid blathering on about how great they are, and actually offer objectivity, then read on. Careful, don’t trip on the hyperbole.” Objectivity is for posers.
“In the rich annals of metal bands crossing over into unintentional parody, Sacred Steel looms large. The perpetually over-the-top cheese fueled trve metal warriors led by “unorthodox” vocalist Gerrit P. Mutz have been pounding on the doors of the Great Hall ov Great Metal demanding entrance since 1997 only to be met with a shrug and a “No Solicitation” sign. But ignore them at your peril, for they’re as relentless as they are comical.” In trvth there is pain.
“Dear mother: my battle for acceptance in the brutal world of AMG Amalgamated Blogworks, Ltd. goes on. I’ve survived the gauntlet of milquetoast prog submissions and am a better man for it. There is no respite for the “New Guy,” however: this week my inbox greeted me with a fist to the face in the form of a French power metal album and I fear I may not survive this next phase. Power metal and France typically do not go hand in hand.” The struggle goes on and on.
“Paragon has been nothing but consistent over their 22 year career, releasing album after album of raging Germanic power metal in the same vein as Grave Digger and Iron Savior. Though they’ve had plenty of fun moments, 2012’s Forces of Destruction took a big leap forward in terms of song writing, heaviness and staying power. Coming off their best album to date obviously puts more pressure on the band and perhaps that’s the reason for the 4 year wait for Hell Beyond Hell.” Roll out the Cheese wheel!
“What better way to start 2015 than with a smack in the face by 120 lbs. of steaming, internally conflicted cheddar? That’s right, Battle Beast is back after their disappointing eponymous album, and they sound even more confused than when they made the dubious leap from the raucous, over the top Euro-power of their wondrous Steel debut to hair metal influenced pop-power.” Head of a lion, wings of a bat, feet of limburger.
“Back in 1984 when my friends and I were spinning Grave Digger’s debut Heavy Metal Breakdown, if you had told me these guys would still be rocking in 2014 I’d have spit Meister Bräu in your face. Even their “classic era” albums were cheesy and goofy, and though I liked them, they never impressed me as a seminal or enduring metal act capable of lasting 30 years. Fast forward to 2014 and I’m a jaded, old metal critic working on my third Digger review since joining AMG.” The cockroaches of Germanic metal are back to outlive you and your children’s children.
“Let’s face it, power metal is the drama club of the metal world. Members of said club tend to be overdramatic, artsy fartsy and prone to big gestures and frilly shirts. Needless to say, that makes them the target for the rest of metaldom and inevitably, lunch money gets stolen and nipples get twisted. However, none of that shit is going to fly with French power meisters Nightmare. You try to give them a wedgie or rear admiral and you may lose a tooth or six. Yep, these cats pack a lot of muscle and menace in their music and between the crunching guitars and rough and raucous vocals, you’ll forget all about the need to snicker.” But I thought drama club was cool!
“What do you get when you take a rough and ready Germanic power metal band and add two members of Blind Guardian? You get a better rough and ready Germanic power metal band. Sinbreed is that band and features the talents of Blind Guardian guitarist Marcus Siepen and drummer Frederik Ehmke, which gives them some instant musical credibility and clout. Their 2009 debut When World’s Collide was a rock solid slab of slick, but angry metal in the vein of modern Accept, Herman Frank and Paragon and Shadows improves on that template with even more raspy, Udo-like vocals and thrashy guitar lines.” More power metal at AMG? What is this, a pirate-shirted coup?
“U.D.O. (i.e. Udo Dirkschneider), the voice of Accept is back with his umpteenth album full of typically old school, Germanic heavy metal. As with all his previous platters, Steelhammer is Accept-ish in design, with nods to Teutonic power metal like Grave Digger. Sometimes speedy, sometimes mid-tempo, the man and his band traffic in meat and potato metal riffs with his now classic raspy snarl dropped on top thereof. While you have to admire his consistency, it doesn’t always lead to memorable albums, though you can usually count on a handful of above-average ragers. 2011s Rev-Raptor was a rather fun and engaging outing, and Steelhammer follows right along in the same cheesy, but familiar mode.” It’s Udo and his band U.D.O. and that means more Germanic metal with silliness, hooks and Accept-isms. If you liked any of his other 200 albums, you’ll probably like this too.
“Sweet mother of Jesusabub, is there no relief from 2013’s merciless crusade against bands I like? One by one I’ve watched them fall to some diabolical curse of ungoodness and all I can do is stare at the release schedule with unease and wonder…who’s next? The answer is Finland’s bullet-belted cheese mongers, Battle Beast. As you may or may not care to remember, I made quite a fuss over their Steel debut due to it’s infectious brand of Euro-power tinged with thrash and traditional metal. It was ridiculously cheese-tastic, but it had more balls than a gym teacher’s storage closet and every song was an earworm Paul Atreides himself would be proud to ride. A huge part of the band’s charm came from the leather lunged power and presence of front woman Nitte Valo. She was part banshee, part rock star, all metal and her pipes were impossible to resist. Naturally, she bailed and now the Beast is fronted by new femme fatale Noora Louhimo and though she’s good, she’s no Nitte.” So how does a Nitte-less Battle Beast fare in the cold, cruel world of 2013? Steel Druhm says some words and points some fingers.
