“I know we’ve been harping about shitty band names a lot this year, but come on. Franklin Zoo? Why? Is your music about 6-year-olds getting their first biology lesson because two bonobos decided to get exhibitionistic? Do you have a tearful ballad saluting Harambe? Apparently not, since The Dandelion Child addresses the philosophic studies of Soren Kierkegaard.” Animal farming.
“Seattle rock legends Alice In Chains may not strictly qualify as metal, but they are widely regarded within the metal community, especially compared to the other big name bands of the famed grunge era, which tend to polarize metalheads. Perhaps it’s the blanket of sorrow and darkness enveloping their sound, coupled with the sludge and doom influences, that compliment their hard rock core and melancholic acoustic forays. Although Alice In Chains are still chugging along admirably to the present day, it was the band’s ’90s heyday and era with doomed frontman Layne Staley that remains the classic and defining era of the band.” Alice lives.
“Well, well, well. Looks like I found myself a unicorn. No, not the band picture, I’m speaking metaphorically. You see, whereas there are plenty of one-man bands, there are not a great deal of one-woman bands. On top of that, Tali Green, the mind behind Nicarus, hails from Israel; hardly a hotbed for metal. So it goes without saying that the underdog factor for Coal People Coal Puppets is sky high. If this were a Hollywood movie, she’d be de facto winner of 2021 already. But is this the real life, or is it a fantasy?” Coal for all.
“Ever since the early seeds of the Gargoyl project came to public light, I have been anticipating a debut album. Lo and behold, the band, featuring Revocation’s Dave Davidson (guitars) and Luke Roberts (vocals/guitars) from the underrated Ayahuasca, has arrived with their self-titled LP. Blending dark, brooding, unsettling atmospheres, Gargoyl play off-kilter progressive metal with avant garde tendencies and a strong ’90s grunge vibe, most notably drawing influence from Seattle rock legends Alice in Chains. On paper the combination has a hell of a lot going for it, however, nailing the execution and establishing a strong identity are challenges to overcome.” Super groups, man…
“Interesting, the grey area between rock and metal. It takes a lot of different shapes, from the classic hard rock proto-metal to the commercialized tough guy semi-nu-metal that still wanted to have radio play.[1. Joke’s on them, the hardest thing on commercial radio these days is fucking Imagine Dragons.] It’s an area that, in one of its many incarnations, has been elemental to most of us in our journey into the depths of our favorite depravity, as a bridge between the socially acceptable and commercially viable on the one end, and metal on the other. Ambassador, a four-piece from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, have a different approach to this uncertain spectrum from those I’ve mentioned.” Sad diplomacy.
“I know some of you, dear readers, feel a pang of annoyance every time we review an album that is barely metal or not at all. “Why are you reviewing this?” you ask. “This is Angry Metal Guy, not Perturbed Rock Person!” And you’re right, of course, but there’s several good reasons to review these cases anyway.” Are The Living out to rustle your jimmies?
“Hey, you! Yeah, that’s right, I know you and your ilk, only scurrying out of your hatch for a new record if the music is heavier than a dying panda reading Sartre and the album is only available in limited release as sheet music stapled to the bathroom door in an abandoned hospital. Well, you better slink back to your cobweb-ridden hovel as Life-Related Symptoms by Anewrage is none of those things.” Time to appreciate the gentler things in life.
