Gwar

Lordi – Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on February 3, 2020 in 2020, AFM Records, Finnish Metal, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Reviews, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, 23 comments

“The rubber costumes, Halloween-themed perversions, and Rob Zombie-meets-’80s hair metal ditties aren’t on the list of ‘Things Metalheads Need.’ Yet, their Gwar-ish concepts spring up every couple of years as the Metal Monster Squad’s own songs (?) summon them via radio shows hosted by either Twisted Sister’s Dee Snider or Rockin’ Ralph Ruiz. And they don’t seem to care if you want what they have to offer or not—even if they’ve done it some ten times in twice as many years. And, only God/Satan knows, but there’s a handful of you sick sonsabitches out there that enjoy this crap. So, this review of Killection (A Fictional Compilation Album) is for you. Be ashamed of yourself.” Monster, Inc.

Rodent Epoch – Rodentlord Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on October 16, 2018 in 2018, Black Metal, Finnish Metal, Reviews, Saturnal Records, Black Metal, 43 comments

“Today’s Horna-meets-Gorgoroth-meets-The Deathtrip second-wave sound is courtesy of Finland’s Rodent Epoch. Admittedly, when I first read the band name and saw the album title, I couldn’t help but think of that villain from the original Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoons. Which made me question Rodent Epoch’s debut full-length, Rodentlord: is it a cartoon or is it for real? Let’s see what this Rat King thing is all about.” Vermin, vermout.

Lordi – Sexorcism Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on June 1, 2018 in 2018, AFM Records, Finnish Metal, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Reviews, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, 84 comments

“The first time I heard Lordi was when everyone else did. It was 2006, they had just won Eurovision (never seen it; don’t care) and their third full-length, The Arockalypse, had hit the streets. I was driving down the 101 in Phoenix, having just purchased it on CD. It was early April, already hot as hell, and I didn’t have AC in my forest-green Geo Tracker. For my horrible mood, my sweat-soaked Yanks cap, and the t-shirt glued to the seat, I was, surprisingly, having a good time.” Lordi, Lordi.

Noisepicker – Peace Off Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on May 20, 2018 in 2018, British Metal, Doom Metal, Exile On Mainstream Records, Reviews, Rock, Stoner Metal, Blues, Doom Metal, Stoner Metal, 30 comments

“The other day at the grocery store, I bought a bottle of wine solely on the Walking Dead label. And I’m not even a big fan of the show. But, when I’m brain-fried and all I want is a fucking drink, I grab the first bottle or six-pack that jumps out at me. That’s how I came across that wine and that’s how I came across what I thought was Nosepicker. Because, you know, I’m immature like that. Unfortunately, it’s not Nosepicker, it’s Noisepicker.” Pick it, don’t eat it.

GWAR – The Blood of Gods Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on October 27, 2017 in 2017, American Metal, Heavy Metal, Metal Blade, Reviews, Heavy Metal, 58 comments

“I’d be a liar if I said I wasn’t a pathetic, GWAR-loving metalhead. I love their gimmick, their style, and the plethora of absurd characters and butt/cock jokes. That said, I wouldn’t label GWAR as musical revolutionists. They may be pioneers in costume design, satirical album concepts, and over-the-top stage shows, but I wouldn’t go as far as giving any of their material a 4.0/5.0. But, they’re fucking fun. Never taken seriously but never taken lightly, GWAR has not only amused me for years but has taught me the value in hating the world. And, when I thought this world couldn’t get any shittier, Oderus Urungus (Dave Brockie) died.” Win one for Urungus.

Ghoul – Dungeon Bastards Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on July 23, 2016 in 2016, American Metal, Death Metal, Reviews, Tankcrimes Records, Thrash Metal, Death Metal, Thrash Metal, 21 comments

“When first discovering that Ghoul was releasing a new album, a friend of mine had this to say: “I didn’t realize Impaled… I mean, Ghoul, was still around.” Then, while phoning home recently, this was what my mother had to say about the new album: “Who in the fuck is Ghoul?” Whether surprised by the news of a new Ghoul release or not, one thing is for certain: my mom has a potty mouth.” Moms ruin all the fun.

70,000 Tons of Metal Live Review

By Mark Z. on February 13, 2016 in 2016, Blog Posts, 39 comments

“I don’t agree with my dad on everything, but there’s one thing we do agree about: cruises are the best way to vacation. Free all-you-can-eat buffets, breezy tropical weather, alcohol and entertainment available everywhere, and – most importantly – you’re always within walking distance of your room, so you never have to worry about getting a DUI or throwing up in an Uber on your ride back to the Red Roof Inn. But a cruise with 60 metal bands and over 3,000 fans from all over the world, making a four day round-trip to Jamaica with bars that never close? That’s a whole different beast entirely!” In the Navy, you can rock the seven seas!

Thor – Metal Avenger Review

By Steel Druhm on November 30, 2015 in 2015, Canadian Metal, Deadline Music, Hard Rock, Heavy Metal, Reviews, 54 comments

“Whether you know it or not, Jon Mikl Thor is a living legend. His bizarre 40 year journey through the entertainment wood chipper has taken him to the disparate worlds of bodybuilding, live quasi-porn theater, proto-heavy metal and Grade-Z horror films. Through it all and come what may, the amiable Canadian Juggernaut just keeps smiling and flexing away, forever awaiting his big break.” The hammer will fall on all those who deny Thor’s trveness.

Hellbastard – Feral Review

By Dr. A.N. Grier on July 16, 2015 in 2015, Crust Punk, English Metal, PATAC Records, Reviews, Thrash Metal, Crust Punk, 10 comments

“As made blatantly obvious in my first review of 2015, last year left me drained, beaten, and more fucked over than a single person can stand. So, it is only fitting that Hellbastard’s brutally honest and extremely pissed-off Feral allowed me the opportunity to let everything go, smash shit, speed recklessly down the highway, and drop a big “fuck you” to all the bullshit.” Go fookin coconuts!

Things You Might Have Missed 2014: Onheil – Storm Is Coming

By Dr. A.N. Grier on December 11, 2014 in 2014, Black Metal, Cyclone Empire, Death Metal, Dutch Metal, Post-metal, Things You Might Have Missed 2014, Black Metal, Death Metal, Heavy Metal, Post-Metal, 15 comments

“Being the metal fan that you are, I can only assume you’ve had that late-night trip to the record store, hell-bent on purchasing a new album. It doesn’t even matter what album. However, tonight it turns out your favorite record store doesn’t have shit in the way of metal. Either you own it or don’t want it. So you base your purchasing decision on close examination of the “fans of blah blah blah” labels, the artwork, and the band name itself. You finally come across an album just released that week and buy it knowing there’s the possibility for one-of-three outcomes.” Buying blind, oh the thrill!