“As made blatantly obvious in my first review of 2015, last year left me drained, beaten, and more fucked over than a single person can stand. So, it is only fitting that Hellbastard’s brutally honest and extremely pissed-off Feral allowed me the opportunity to let everything go, smash shit, speed recklessly down the highway, and drop a big “fuck you” to all the bullshit.” Go fookin coconuts!
“Being the metal fan that you are, I can only assume you’ve had that late-night trip to the record store, hell-bent on purchasing a new album. It doesn’t even matter what album. However, tonight it turns out your favorite record store doesn’t have shit in the way of metal. Either you own it or don’t want it. So you base your purchasing decision on close examination of the “fans of blah blah blah” labels, the artwork, and the band name itself. You finally come across an album just released that week and buy it knowing there’s the possibility for one-of-three outcomes.” Buying blind, oh the thrill!
“Short Sharp Shock (SSS) have been around peddling their brand of old school 80s era crossover thrash since the release of their self titled EP and similarly titled full length back in 2006. Their latest hilariously titled foray wasn’t even a blip on my radar, but with a title like Limp.Gasp.Collapse, how could I resist checking it out?” 80s crossover is a grave you best open very cautiously.
“Lou Siffer and the Howling Demons are the bastard offspring of a devil-may-care attitude and a party roaring like a room full of V8 engines. Hailing from, of all places, the blackened heart of Sweden, this band of evildoers loudly spew their volatile and contagious brand of aggressive hard rock and gruff, gasoline powered heavy metal to bring you their second full-length jammed with fast cars, horror, death and violence. At Your Service continues on from where The Devil’s Ride left off, combining the familiar influences of Chrome Division, Volbeat, Corrosion of Conformity and even The Misfits, leaving you with a funky taste in your mouth that smacks of familiarity and a lot of devilish fun!” Looks like the party’s in your mouth and everyone is…invited.
“Wow, what a year! A large portion of 2013 has had me working my ass off in preparation for my stint out at sea with 70,000 Tons of Pure Fucking METAL! I’ve tried to curtail my excitement, but fuck it, this is huge – Carcass, Septicflesh, Finntroll, Overkill… what more could a girl ask for?” As Madam X shamelessly drops free plugs for a certain novelty cruise line, she also delivers her best albums of the year. That lady can multi-task!
“When a brother falls, be he killed in battle, disintegrated or turned Mormon, it takes an ordeal of thundering proportions to find that Scumdog with enough bombastic enormity to crush the competition and fill the fallen’s truculent footsteps. And so Battle Maximus is born, a musical trial-by-combat and but one Scumdog remains – the the zit-encrusted, shred-ulously incredulous Pustulus Maximus (aka Brent Legion, ex-Cannabis Corpse). Shock rock or monster metal, call it what you will, after a three year wait and regroup, GWAR are back in the ring with their kooky Lordi or A Band of Orcs theatrics and their caustic, blood-soaked poetry as only they can deliver!” Battle, blood and pustulence! What more can anyone hope for? Madam X dives into the Gor Gor and reveals the horrors that lurk inside the new GWAR shit show.
Morbid Angel is elite death metal and has been the standard for as long as I can remember. They have defined death metal for listeners of the genre for decades, influenced all of the great bands to come out of the genre after them, and have been away for 8 long years. 2003’s Heretic was not the best record they’d ever produced, this is most certainly true. But there was no reason not to believe after hearing “Nevermore,” the single that was released ahead of time, that the return of David Vincent would usher in the kind of catastrophic reaction that has ensued. I make it my business to never read reviews of any record before I write my own review, hell, I haven’t even read Steel Druhm’s (which is below this one) of this record. But it was hard to miss the fury, anger and disappointment that has been floating around the ether. I had to ask myself “could it really possibly be this bad?” You see, I’m a stalwart defender of some pretty hated records (most notably Iron Maiden’s The X Factor and Mayhem’s Grand Declaration of War), and I try to listen to every record with a clean slate. And I attempted to do so with this record, as well.
Recently I’ve said in several different posts that I thought that Koskenkorva was the reason for the Finnish heavy metal craze. Turns out, I’m wrong. Apparently there is an indoctrination process that starts very, very young. Indoctrination, from heavy metal guys in dinosaur suits. Aptly named “Heavisaurus”! Their videos now litter the web and are […]
